Happy place

Well on the train again...getting quite used to this. The boss is in the office today, will be interesting. A good weekend....still missing stevo heaps..so glad he is home on Wednesday. Kids were all pretty good on the weekend. More helpful than usual. I got up this morning to a swept and washed kitchen floor.....MJ is a star. Did so much washing over the weekend, only Stefs to go...eww, but at least I feel as if Im making progress around the place. Ive got a pile of washing 4 feet by 10 feet in the lounge to fold up. Liz starts on Thursday so that will take a bit of the pressure of me to manage it on my own. When you look at it, considering we have Stef who is severely autistic, and Brent who is somewhat.......we cope pretty damn well withour little lot....yeah sometimes its challenging, but we get through. I sometimes look at my friends who perhaps dont have the same sort of get up and go as I do, and hear them complain about not having a life, or things not being as they want.......thing Ive learnt about myself in all of this autism crap is nothing is ever impossible, its been taken out of my dictionary, Can't is also a shit word, difficult and hard, all words which I try to take out of my life. They are so negative, and suck you into thinkng that life will never change and will never be any better. I know Im an eternal optimist, but I also believe that if you arent happy, you do everything you can to change it.....Life isnt handed to anyone on a plate, so you have to live with intention to get anywhere. I felt like saying to my friend last night........you wanna swap? but then I wouldnt swap my life for anything in the world. I have a loving husband, good kids, travel, and work to keep me occupied. I dont have time to ever felel bored, Ive always got something to think about, to plan to dream and to love....isnt that what life is always about!!!

New beginnings

Well, a long time since I wrote my blog, but anyway, here goes. Today I start my first day of a new job....scary, exciting, who knows what the future brings. I'm past predicting what will be with this sort of stuff. Who knows what a boss will be like to work with until you actually get to know them. I know expectations will be high, and I need to be as organised as I can be. Catching the train will be good. 4 hours a week sitting on a train instead of driving. Its relaxing really, oh and time to ponder what to do next in my life. At times I just dont get the chance to work out where Im going next. I look at our life and yeah, its crazy busy, but the kids are great really. I forget sometimes the older two are 19 and 16 really. Left Melinda Jack and Stef at the playground this morning waiting for the bus time. It was hard leaving them, scary. They will be ok for the 10 minutes or so extra they had to wait, but its a lot of responsibility on a young head. Love Melinda to bits! Thank goodness its only on the days when Steve isnt home that this will happen. I have most stuff sorted now. Niki from the bus will take stef home on the days I work, and Liz will do the cleaning a couple of days a week. That will take the strain off me, and allow me the time to be just a mum, and working rather than a workaholic. See what the next 12 months brings I guess.... Steve is in India, at the cricket. Im so glad he takes this time for himself now...it fills his cup, gives him good stuff to look forward to and gives him lots to talk about. So important to take time for yourself! Speaking of which, not sure what I am doing next on the travel front. I guess I will hear from the Churchill foundations soon as to whether I made it to interview stage. Im not game to look at personal travel until I know whats happening. It would be so cool to have my trip to the UK and USA paid for, and extra supports in place at home. I have so much to do on my proposal of an autism farm......still too many ideas floating around in my head and it would be great to be able to do them all. I just want a better place for these guys...its not rocket science to produce a nurturing environment where they can grow instead of isolate. Huge dreams baby!! Steve wants me to go with him to South Africa in March for the cricket tour.....Im not sure......I have so much else I want to do. Brent is currently not working or studying. He is becoming what I always feared....a shut in. I know I have to keep fighting for him, but now he is an adult it is so damned hard. I no longer have any authority over him, and he knows it. But hey, he eats our food, sleeps under our roof so he really needs to contribute. Melinda is doing year 12, at the tender age of 16. Its a little scary pushing her onwards, but she is handling it and is probably the happiest that Ive ever seen her. She fits in, has more friends than ever and is ok with the work. Oh and she adores her chinese tutor. She is in a happy place and can see a great future ahead of her. Stef is now 14, nearly 15. She is taller than I am. Still non verbal, and I still live in hope.....always hope baby....never ever give up!! She is pretty settled, behaviourally great which is awesome. She still has trouble sleeping and you can hear her rattle around in her room at 3am.....it keeps Melinda awake a bit. Poor MJ. Melinda really deserves special consideration on her marks for the shit she has to put up with in our house.....Honestly, I feel for her, but there isnt a damn thing we can do about it. Melinda won't change bedrooms, and we cant force stef to sleep. its just the way it is. Jack has started secondary school..lots of change, but he has managed the changes awesomely. The teachers have been great with sending emails and letting me know of any problems. Jack has a new Ipad and he is rapt with that. now to keep stef from snaffling it at times. This weekend is a long one...labour day holiday. Pity steve isnt home so we could go away. Weather has been warm for about a week...constant 30-35 degrees and will be until next thursday lol, change just as he gets home. I have a huge weekend planned, cleaning cleaning and more cleaning and organising my shit so I can cope with working more hours. I must get Jack more pants and shirts for school,. Planning on doing some sewing so that I have more clothes that Im happy to go to work in. hmm, must hit the beach with stef too and head for a beer with bros. Speaking of Bros, He was bitten by a white tail spider about 2 years ago....huge amounts of pain since, and has been told by neurologists etc that the nerves in his leg were dead and that he was likely to lose his leg. They have had him on every pain killer imaginable..almost addicted to them all, and the amounts they were using were enough to kill an elephant. Well good news, he has been having treatment by the top Chinese medicine guy in Melbourne, at $700 a pop.......and guess what, its improving dramatically....you can see the pink color coming back into his leg where it was a grey yuky color before. The skin used to dent in when you pushed on it, and it would stay like that previously. Now it comes back out. He is about 70% through his program, and really needs another 3 months of it....but he says he wants to go back to perth and travel back fortnightly. He needs to see this through if he ever wants to work again...its working!! He said his pain is now at about a 2 most of the time where previously it was an 8......so pleased for him. Anyway, just about to Spencer street........Riding to the top of the wave of change....we can do this!!! Well, on the way home again....early mark.....they are stoked as I can do most of what they want with ease. I think they are still pinching themselves that they found me!! They are stoked. I know the system pretty well.....and having dealt with wines and reps and all that before they are over the moon. Back in on Tuesday! Sue was doing a happy dance....absolutely stoked that now its my baby and she knows I can do it and do it well. Long weekend this weekend.....a weekend busy with cleaning the house up, having a big throw out, and probably making some new clothes for work. Its 3 days of not having to get up early, but also spending time with the kids...Mj looked so scared with me leaving stef with her at the car park this morning, poor kid, she will be so glad that I can catch the later train and get to work on time. Its really only while steve is away, in the other times we can share it out..... Missing Stevo heaps, life really isnt the same without him in it. Its like im missing my arm or something...just feel a bit lost. Working in south yarra is funny,you can see the rich bitches, but also lots of tradies, lmao one almost ran up the back of a porche in his van this morning....lol, too busy checking out the redhead. lmao.....so funny. Im not used to that.....its not as if im dressed provocatively or anything..very conservative, but I do like my heels!!

New 100 day challenge! Live life the best you can with what you have!!

Ok, today I start a new 100 day challenge......A challenge to myself to live the next 100 days with intention. To set goals and to do something every day to achieve those goals. The end date is 18th December. My goals 1. To exercise every day....to do something deliberate to turn my body into the shrine it should be...It will be good for my weight, my mood and my overall health. 2. To keep on my no smoking status...its time to do this......it makes me feel crappy anyway, and also the extra money for travelling is a good thing. I want to do this....I am not promising anyone else, just me that my body deserves to be the best it can be. 3. To plan out my USA trip...to work out what things I really want to see. 4. To save all the money from not smoking!! 5. To spend more time with each of the kids doing things with them. Reinstate date days with Jack and Melinda. 6. Making sure I take stef for bike rides and walks each day to help keep her weight down. To work on Stef's communication both speech and typing on the IPAD. 7. To have at least 2 weekends away with everyone....have a look at funding these through Carer's Respite 8. To put in Stef's DHS application again. 9. To work on the house each day.....turning it into the paradise that it should be. Taking one room at a time each week and giving that room an overhaul. 14 weeks..14 rooms. 10. To spend time with Stevo and nurture our relationship so that it is strong. Make sure we have one weekend on our own...stay somewhere nice and have a massage or something. (smoking money can pay for this) 11. To get the vegetable garden running so that we can become self sufficient in vegetables and eggs. 12. To spend time on things I like to do like sewing and craftwork to give myself more balance in life. Today I aim to: get all the washing done, folded and put away..... To weed my vegetable garden To clean 4 rooms (our ensuite, Stef's bedroom, Kitchen and Lounge) To spend 30 minutes on the kids bathroom. To spend 2 hours designing and cutting out a dress To take stef for a walk Today I feel strong. I am starting to get used to the change of routine that not smoking has brought. I still have cravings, but they arent as strong as they have been on previous quits...maybe just maybe it was time. I am starting to feel healthier for sure. I know I am certainly much more mentally ready this time. Maybe too, because I came back from my trip so relaxed I am quite relaxed still about everything else. Now for getting our home to how I want it to be...organised, clean and stress free and also to take care of myself mentally and physically. Ready set go!!

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012 Oh what a beautiful town this really is. I woke early and decided I would walk up to the top this morning. Ate a huge breakfast of croissants and toast -i think the owners thought I was a pig..lol....the peach jam here is to die for. I found the police station to make my report, but they had ZERO english, but eventually got across the point that i had to go back to Capri to make my report as it was a different jurisdiction....Ce la vis, I was going back anyway. I started walking up the hill on the road....it was hot and a very long way....and the locals that I talked to thought I was mad. But I made it. Stopped for a water break about halfway and chatted to some Aussies.....they were from Shepparton...and knew the Townsends who we used to camp with at Beaufort every easter.....Its a truly small world!!! Onward and upward I trudged, but I made it, and the views were spectacular as were some of the sights I saw along the way. I find walking you see so much more...and quite frankly, if I didnt do the exercise I would gain so much weight here. It took me a good hour and a half to walk up and about 15 going down as I took the stairs downward. I took some amazing photos. Got back to the hotel and stood in the cold shower for about 10 minutes gasping as I had got so hot.....eventually though I started feeling so much better...sucked in at least 2 litres of water..went and found some lunch, a swim and then back to the room for a siesta before restaurant prep. Restaurant prep was good fun, the chef's had no english, but I told them what I was making in italian. They helped out making the two sauces, and were amazed by the gnocci, we set it out in the sun to dry with big gauze sheets over the top. I made one plate of each type for the owner, and he just kept saying wow, wow.....and did I want a job he even rushed to his mate next door with it. I also made two very large pavlovas...8 eggs, to be served with cream and lots of fresh fruit. The chefs were amazed at how easy my recipe is, and how light and crunchy it was. I think it will be on the menu from now on. I left the restaurant with 60 euro for my pleasure and a free meal later that night. By the time I ate at 10pm, there was no gnocci left....they had sold it all......5kg of it (they had put it on the specials board) and my desert had long gone. Wow, what a success it was. I ate on my own, reflective of my day, and then later at 1.30am met the chefs for drinks down at the pier...it was strange to be drinking with people who had zero english...but somehow, we understood each other and it was ok. Positano was very very safe.

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012 Ah, farewell to Capri, but I am coming back! Got up early and had a swim before breakfast, breakfast and shower. Turns out I was robbed while I was in the shower but didnt realise until I got down to the port to buy my ticket for the ferry and not one dollar was in my purse or my handbag..damn...fortunately though, they left all my cards and I recovered quickly. Went and got cash from an atm and caught my ferry to Positano as planned. Oh well, will have to report to Positano police. The ferry ride was beautiful, beers were cheap so I had one on the ferry over and chatted to some Oz backpackers....lovely girls. We made plans to meet up later at midnight at the pier as apparently they had the cheapest beer. I found my hotel easy enough....only a very short walk up steep steps from the port. Just as well I only had an overnight bag with me as the porters were charging 50euro to get bags from the port to hotels. My room was beautiful and very clean on the top floor of the hotel....more stairs and no lift...the staff (owners) were super helpful with everything. I found a local panini shop supermarket not far away...yum lunch..and they sold drinks as well...so bought half a dozen mojito breezers... some extra munchies and went back to the hotel for a while to get out of the afternoon sun. I wandered down the cool alleys and found a nice cool spot to sit and munch and watch the world go by. I chatted to a chef from a local restaurant, and was explaining about my cooking classes in Rome. He asked if maybe I could make gnocci and a desert he would talk to his boss about me doing some prep work in the restaurant......the boss said yes!! I asked for some 5kg of grungy potatoes to be cooked that day and let sit mashed in a colander overnight in the fridge. I went and swam at the beach (another rock garden) and it was a bit grungy as the beach was too close to where the ferries pulled in and you could smell the diesel sometimes. I enjoyed the cool water just the same and had a lovely chat with a couple from Arizona, David and Stephanie Johnson...more friends. We arranged to meet for dinner that night at a restaurant nearby...at 9.30. We went to a bar for a cocktail in the cool...yummy margarita and then i went back to my room for siesta and a couple of mojitos. Showered and got ready for dinner..Lovely meal....and it was nice to share conversation with new people. Was telling them about my beautiful family and showed some pictures. Brent's story made him have tears in his eyes..his nephew is 10 and has aspergers and mum and dad have basically given up as behaviourally he is very challenging (lol, and Brent wasnt at 10..he was a nightmare)...he said that I have given a story to tell them and to encourage them to keep on working with him. My motto is never give up! They said what a great marriage we truly have to give each other the space, to encourage each other so much and to work together as a real team, especially after 23 years..they just kept saying wow,..but what could I say but I am married to my best friend, my confident, my cheerleader and my lover. Unfortunately they arent on Facebook, but have an email address.....until we meet again my friends...and we will somewhere. I can't imagine me getting to the Arizona desert, but somewhere we will meet. What a day.

Day 7 Capri, one of the special days of my life

How to describe one of the most beautiful days I have had on this earth, apart from giving birth and getting married, this would have to be just one of the aha moments of my life. I woke up around 10.15am....a miracle in itself for me to sleep in!! Caught breakfast only just..and then decided I really needed to do something with my day. I booked a private boat tour around the island for 2pm. I needed cash, so I took the car to town. I found the bank easily enough, and had a quick browse and headed back to the room. Caught the boat tour at 2pm...Oh it was beautiful.....headed out clockwise around the island....the first stop was the green grotto....I swam through the cave and the boat met me on the other side. I hope the photos work out with the underwater camera I bought....wont know until I get it developed. The water was crystal clear, very deep and brilliant green. Guissepe was on the other side waiting for me with a rinse off, a towel and a glass of champagne. We took the boat further around to Anacapri....its where all the really private villas are..owned by so many famous people. They were just stunning. There are small Roman forts on every point.... He took me a bit further out and asked if I wanted to sunbathe..I said no, as I would burn, so he decided a massage instead...I think just to see me topless lol, oh but the massage was so good...nearly an hour of it..I was like butter....a proposition followed, but I was so good.... Another swim and we were off again around the island..the views were stunning. Lots of history including little holes where the Germans hid at the end of the war. The blue grotto was so interesting...you paid small boats to take you into the cave, you had to lay down in the boat as they dragged the boat into the cave through a hole just big enough for a boat to go through.....Inside was absolutely stunning......the cave was pitch black except for the brilliant iridescent blue water. I noticed signs outside that said swimming was strictly forbidden, but when the small boat picked me up from the Gui Gui, Guissepe told Giovani (an absolute gorgeously fit good looking italian) to look after his girl in Italian...so Giovani pulled the boat to the back of the cave to the Women's swimming pool, and I jumped in....I swam for about 5 minutes and it was strange to see your body lit up by the water....Inside the cave, all the boatmen were singing in amazing voices Oh so Maria....it was just such a surreal experience that I will remember forever. I tipped Giovani for the experience as he was so lovely..and on with the tour around the island. We stopped for another swim...this time Guiseppe joined me, I think he was having as much fun as I was, as we were jumping off the boat and laughing so much. More champagne, and a gradual cruise to Capri town...it looked beautiful from the water... Cruised around Fragiali Rocks....(they are the big ones you can see from my room) and more swimming...then cruised around the big yachts and small ships...suprisingly quite a few had Australian flags...Would love to know who owns them. Then we cruised back to the dock in front of my hotel. Guissepe gave me a parting kiss and told me that my husband was a very lucky man.....Now that was 120 euro well spent...an 1 1/2 hour tour that lasted 3 1/2. Went out for dinner to an amazing restaurant recommended to me by Megan Castran, Villa Verde. The food was wonderful, but also their was a really nice atmosphere. I have never seen a restaurant owner so active in building rapport with his guests. He even sat at my table for a couple of minutes to ask why I was alone. I explained that I was meeting Stevo in Paris next week and that circumstances didnt allow us long trips together. He was so lovely. I had deepfried mozzarella with caper and anchovy sauce, grilled spatchcock with mustard and vegetables and strawberry meringue tart...a couple of wines of course. A very special meal. As I was walking out the owner again came to say goodbye with a big hug and a until you return.... Oh what a wonderful day I had

Day 6 Capri-LOVE IT

Day 5 Capri Capri is just stunning..its water is crystal clear bright blue..and so pretty. This morning I woke up pretty energetic...wandered up to the gym at 6am and walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes and the exercise bike for 10 and then did some ab exercises. I'm so glad I did. The breakfast was beautiful....I had fresh fruit and the most deliciously fresh warm croissants.....then I decided I really needed some things....sunscreen and batteries for my camera mainly, so off to the piazza I went. I spent the whole morning wandering..I walked down to the the port and then back up to the piazza..through tiny lane ways Oh the fire station was so cute...they looked like fireman sam fire trucks. They are small electric trucks, small enough to get into at least most of the lane ways. There is only one road that goes down to the port and there is inches between the cars and trucks as they pass each other..I notice that a lot of them don't have mirrors any more lol. The rest of the town is narrow lanes...and electric carts are used for deliveries. You don't see any fat locals......they walk everywhere. Old women struggling with their bags of groceries through the steep lane ways. I shopped for hours..not that I bought anything...will go back later maybe to pick up a souvenir or two...I bought a shirt to go over my bathers....being a redhead, I just can't sit in the sun, even though here, I dont seem to get burnt. Everyone seems to be wearing these beautiful sparkly sandals......lol, at 100-150 euro a pair....I think I won't be buying those. Of course being a pretty wealthy resort, there are all the designers shops, Prada, channel etc..saw the most beautiful pair of bathers, and tried them on..but at 475 euro......I dont think so lol. I got lost again....haha, I really must remember to pick up maps and wandered for an hour or so..but found a shop with the most delicious big cherries and fresh peaches ...yum ....lunch. Finally found my way back to the piazza and caught a lift back to the hotel. I sat around all afternoon chilling..a swim or two in the pool, and just relaxed. Didnt really talk to anyone, just chilled on my own, enjoying my own company. I decided to just eat in the hotel so I wandered upstairs and had pizza and salad. I can never finish half of the plate as it is so much...and so cheap 14 euro for my entire meal....This has been the most expensive hotel booked for my trip, but the cheapest on food and drink for sure so it averages out at the same per day really. Oh and the eye candy around here for us girls is just stunning. Have a Richard Gere look alike in the room 3 doors up....he is the most stunning looking man (oh and single)..perhaps all my single friends should come here instead of bali, believe me, the men are so much nicer looking. I will try to get a photo of him later...ooh la la. I have been so well behaved on this trip Stevo..no Frenchmen this time lol, just a lot of perving. Still deciding what to do about Naples...Maybe come back here after positano. and do Pompei tour from here instead and catch the earliest ferry to naples on the last day to catch the train to Florence.....means i lose the prepaid accommodation in Naples, but I think I would be safer somehow.