Happy place

Well on the train again...getting quite used to this. The boss is in the office today, will be interesting. A good weekend....still missing stevo heaps..so glad he is home on Wednesday. Kids were all pretty good on the weekend. More helpful than usual. I got up this morning to a swept and washed kitchen floor.....MJ is a star. Did so much washing over the weekend, only Stefs to go...eww, but at least I feel as if Im making progress around the place. Ive got a pile of washing 4 feet by 10 feet in the lounge to fold up. Liz starts on Thursday so that will take a bit of the pressure of me to manage it on my own. When you look at it, considering we have Stef who is severely autistic, and Brent who is somewhat.......we cope pretty damn well withour little lot....yeah sometimes its challenging, but we get through. I sometimes look at my friends who perhaps dont have the same sort of get up and go as I do, and hear them complain about not having a life, or things not being as they want.......thing Ive learnt about myself in all of this autism crap is nothing is ever impossible, its been taken out of my dictionary, Can't is also a shit word, difficult and hard, all words which I try to take out of my life. They are so negative, and suck you into thinkng that life will never change and will never be any better. I know Im an eternal optimist, but I also believe that if you arent happy, you do everything you can to change it.....Life isnt handed to anyone on a plate, so you have to live with intention to get anywhere. I felt like saying to my friend last night........you wanna swap? but then I wouldnt swap my life for anything in the world. I have a loving husband, good kids, travel, and work to keep me occupied. I dont have time to ever felel bored, Ive always got something to think about, to plan to dream and to love....isnt that what life is always about!!!

New beginnings

Well, a long time since I wrote my blog, but anyway, here goes. Today I start my first day of a new job....scary, exciting, who knows what the future brings. I'm past predicting what will be with this sort of stuff. Who knows what a boss will be like to work with until you actually get to know them. I know expectations will be high, and I need to be as organised as I can be. Catching the train will be good. 4 hours a week sitting on a train instead of driving. Its relaxing really, oh and time to ponder what to do next in my life. At times I just dont get the chance to work out where Im going next. I look at our life and yeah, its crazy busy, but the kids are great really. I forget sometimes the older two are 19 and 16 really. Left Melinda Jack and Stef at the playground this morning waiting for the bus time. It was hard leaving them, scary. They will be ok for the 10 minutes or so extra they had to wait, but its a lot of responsibility on a young head. Love Melinda to bits! Thank goodness its only on the days when Steve isnt home that this will happen. I have most stuff sorted now. Niki from the bus will take stef home on the days I work, and Liz will do the cleaning a couple of days a week. That will take the strain off me, and allow me the time to be just a mum, and working rather than a workaholic. See what the next 12 months brings I guess.... Steve is in India, at the cricket. Im so glad he takes this time for himself now...it fills his cup, gives him good stuff to look forward to and gives him lots to talk about. So important to take time for yourself! Speaking of which, not sure what I am doing next on the travel front. I guess I will hear from the Churchill foundations soon as to whether I made it to interview stage. Im not game to look at personal travel until I know whats happening. It would be so cool to have my trip to the UK and USA paid for, and extra supports in place at home. I have so much to do on my proposal of an autism farm......still too many ideas floating around in my head and it would be great to be able to do them all. I just want a better place for these guys...its not rocket science to produce a nurturing environment where they can grow instead of isolate. Huge dreams baby!! Steve wants me to go with him to South Africa in March for the cricket tour.....Im not sure......I have so much else I want to do. Brent is currently not working or studying. He is becoming what I always feared....a shut in. I know I have to keep fighting for him, but now he is an adult it is so damned hard. I no longer have any authority over him, and he knows it. But hey, he eats our food, sleeps under our roof so he really needs to contribute. Melinda is doing year 12, at the tender age of 16. Its a little scary pushing her onwards, but she is handling it and is probably the happiest that Ive ever seen her. She fits in, has more friends than ever and is ok with the work. Oh and she adores her chinese tutor. She is in a happy place and can see a great future ahead of her. Stef is now 14, nearly 15. She is taller than I am. Still non verbal, and I still live in hope.....always hope baby....never ever give up!! She is pretty settled, behaviourally great which is awesome. She still has trouble sleeping and you can hear her rattle around in her room at 3am.....it keeps Melinda awake a bit. Poor MJ. Melinda really deserves special consideration on her marks for the shit she has to put up with in our house.....Honestly, I feel for her, but there isnt a damn thing we can do about it. Melinda won't change bedrooms, and we cant force stef to sleep. its just the way it is. Jack has started secondary school..lots of change, but he has managed the changes awesomely. The teachers have been great with sending emails and letting me know of any problems. Jack has a new Ipad and he is rapt with that. now to keep stef from snaffling it at times. This weekend is a long one...labour day holiday. Pity steve isnt home so we could go away. Weather has been warm for about a week...constant 30-35 degrees and will be until next thursday lol, change just as he gets home. I have a huge weekend planned, cleaning cleaning and more cleaning and organising my shit so I can cope with working more hours. I must get Jack more pants and shirts for school,. Planning on doing some sewing so that I have more clothes that Im happy to go to work in. hmm, must hit the beach with stef too and head for a beer with bros. Speaking of Bros, He was bitten by a white tail spider about 2 years ago....huge amounts of pain since, and has been told by neurologists etc that the nerves in his leg were dead and that he was likely to lose his leg. They have had him on every pain killer imaginable..almost addicted to them all, and the amounts they were using were enough to kill an elephant. Well good news, he has been having treatment by the top Chinese medicine guy in Melbourne, at $700 a pop.......and guess what, its improving dramatically....you can see the pink color coming back into his leg where it was a grey yuky color before. The skin used to dent in when you pushed on it, and it would stay like that previously. Now it comes back out. He is about 70% through his program, and really needs another 3 months of it....but he says he wants to go back to perth and travel back fortnightly. He needs to see this through if he ever wants to work again...its working!! He said his pain is now at about a 2 most of the time where previously it was an 8......so pleased for him. Anyway, just about to Spencer street........Riding to the top of the wave of change....we can do this!!! Well, on the way home again....early mark.....they are stoked as I can do most of what they want with ease. I think they are still pinching themselves that they found me!! They are stoked. I know the system pretty well.....and having dealt with wines and reps and all that before they are over the moon. Back in on Tuesday! Sue was doing a happy dance....absolutely stoked that now its my baby and she knows I can do it and do it well. Long weekend this weekend.....a weekend busy with cleaning the house up, having a big throw out, and probably making some new clothes for work. Its 3 days of not having to get up early, but also spending time with the kids...Mj looked so scared with me leaving stef with her at the car park this morning, poor kid, she will be so glad that I can catch the later train and get to work on time. Its really only while steve is away, in the other times we can share it out..... Missing Stevo heaps, life really isnt the same without him in it. Its like im missing my arm or something...just feel a bit lost. Working in south yarra is funny,you can see the rich bitches, but also lots of tradies, lmao one almost ran up the back of a porche in his van this morning....lol, too busy checking out the redhead. lmao.....so funny. Im not used to that.....its not as if im dressed provocatively or anything..very conservative, but I do like my heels!!

New 100 day challenge! Live life the best you can with what you have!!

Ok, today I start a new 100 day challenge......A challenge to myself to live the next 100 days with intention. To set goals and to do something every day to achieve those goals. The end date is 18th December. My goals 1. To exercise every day....to do something deliberate to turn my body into the shrine it should be...It will be good for my weight, my mood and my overall health. 2. To keep on my no smoking status...its time to do this......it makes me feel crappy anyway, and also the extra money for travelling is a good thing. I want to do this....I am not promising anyone else, just me that my body deserves to be the best it can be. 3. To plan out my USA trip...to work out what things I really want to see. 4. To save all the money from not smoking!! 5. To spend more time with each of the kids doing things with them. Reinstate date days with Jack and Melinda. 6. Making sure I take stef for bike rides and walks each day to help keep her weight down. To work on Stef's communication both speech and typing on the IPAD. 7. To have at least 2 weekends away with everyone....have a look at funding these through Carer's Respite 8. To put in Stef's DHS application again. 9. To work on the house each day.....turning it into the paradise that it should be. Taking one room at a time each week and giving that room an overhaul. 14 weeks..14 rooms. 10. To spend time with Stevo and nurture our relationship so that it is strong. Make sure we have one weekend on our own...stay somewhere nice and have a massage or something. (smoking money can pay for this) 11. To get the vegetable garden running so that we can become self sufficient in vegetables and eggs. 12. To spend time on things I like to do like sewing and craftwork to give myself more balance in life. Today I aim to: get all the washing done, folded and put away..... To weed my vegetable garden To clean 4 rooms (our ensuite, Stef's bedroom, Kitchen and Lounge) To spend 30 minutes on the kids bathroom. To spend 2 hours designing and cutting out a dress To take stef for a walk Today I feel strong. I am starting to get used to the change of routine that not smoking has brought. I still have cravings, but they arent as strong as they have been on previous quits...maybe just maybe it was time. I am starting to feel healthier for sure. I know I am certainly much more mentally ready this time. Maybe too, because I came back from my trip so relaxed I am quite relaxed still about everything else. Now for getting our home to how I want it to be...organised, clean and stress free and also to take care of myself mentally and physically. Ready set go!!

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012 Oh what a beautiful town this really is. I woke early and decided I would walk up to the top this morning. Ate a huge breakfast of croissants and toast -i think the owners thought I was a pig..lol....the peach jam here is to die for. I found the police station to make my report, but they had ZERO english, but eventually got across the point that i had to go back to Capri to make my report as it was a different jurisdiction....Ce la vis, I was going back anyway. I started walking up the hill on the road....it was hot and a very long way....and the locals that I talked to thought I was mad. But I made it. Stopped for a water break about halfway and chatted to some Aussies.....they were from Shepparton...and knew the Townsends who we used to camp with at Beaufort every easter.....Its a truly small world!!! Onward and upward I trudged, but I made it, and the views were spectacular as were some of the sights I saw along the way. I find walking you see so much more...and quite frankly, if I didnt do the exercise I would gain so much weight here. It took me a good hour and a half to walk up and about 15 going down as I took the stairs downward. I took some amazing photos. Got back to the hotel and stood in the cold shower for about 10 minutes gasping as I had got so hot.....eventually though I started feeling so much better...sucked in at least 2 litres of water..went and found some lunch, a swim and then back to the room for a siesta before restaurant prep. Restaurant prep was good fun, the chef's had no english, but I told them what I was making in italian. They helped out making the two sauces, and were amazed by the gnocci, we set it out in the sun to dry with big gauze sheets over the top. I made one plate of each type for the owner, and he just kept saying wow, wow.....and did I want a job he even rushed to his mate next door with it. I also made two very large pavlovas...8 eggs, to be served with cream and lots of fresh fruit. The chefs were amazed at how easy my recipe is, and how light and crunchy it was. I think it will be on the menu from now on. I left the restaurant with 60 euro for my pleasure and a free meal later that night. By the time I ate at 10pm, there was no gnocci left....they had sold it all......5kg of it (they had put it on the specials board) and my desert had long gone. Wow, what a success it was. I ate on my own, reflective of my day, and then later at 1.30am met the chefs for drinks down at the pier...it was strange to be drinking with people who had zero english...but somehow, we understood each other and it was ok. Positano was very very safe.

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012 Ah, farewell to Capri, but I am coming back! Got up early and had a swim before breakfast, breakfast and shower. Turns out I was robbed while I was in the shower but didnt realise until I got down to the port to buy my ticket for the ferry and not one dollar was in my purse or my handbag..damn...fortunately though, they left all my cards and I recovered quickly. Went and got cash from an atm and caught my ferry to Positano as planned. Oh well, will have to report to Positano police. The ferry ride was beautiful, beers were cheap so I had one on the ferry over and chatted to some Oz backpackers....lovely girls. We made plans to meet up later at midnight at the pier as apparently they had the cheapest beer. I found my hotel easy enough....only a very short walk up steep steps from the port. Just as well I only had an overnight bag with me as the porters were charging 50euro to get bags from the port to hotels. My room was beautiful and very clean on the top floor of the hotel....more stairs and no lift...the staff (owners) were super helpful with everything. I found a local panini shop supermarket not far away...yum lunch..and they sold drinks as well...so bought half a dozen mojito breezers... some extra munchies and went back to the hotel for a while to get out of the afternoon sun. I wandered down the cool alleys and found a nice cool spot to sit and munch and watch the world go by. I chatted to a chef from a local restaurant, and was explaining about my cooking classes in Rome. He asked if maybe I could make gnocci and a desert he would talk to his boss about me doing some prep work in the restaurant......the boss said yes!! I asked for some 5kg of grungy potatoes to be cooked that day and let sit mashed in a colander overnight in the fridge. I went and swam at the beach (another rock garden) and it was a bit grungy as the beach was too close to where the ferries pulled in and you could smell the diesel sometimes. I enjoyed the cool water just the same and had a lovely chat with a couple from Arizona, David and Stephanie Johnson...more friends. We arranged to meet for dinner that night at a restaurant nearby...at 9.30. We went to a bar for a cocktail in the cool...yummy margarita and then i went back to my room for siesta and a couple of mojitos. Showered and got ready for dinner..Lovely meal....and it was nice to share conversation with new people. Was telling them about my beautiful family and showed some pictures. Brent's story made him have tears in his eyes..his nephew is 10 and has aspergers and mum and dad have basically given up as behaviourally he is very challenging (lol, and Brent wasnt at 10..he was a nightmare)...he said that I have given a story to tell them and to encourage them to keep on working with him. My motto is never give up! They said what a great marriage we truly have to give each other the space, to encourage each other so much and to work together as a real team, especially after 23 years..they just kept saying wow,..but what could I say but I am married to my best friend, my confident, my cheerleader and my lover. Unfortunately they arent on Facebook, but have an email address.....until we meet again my friends...and we will somewhere. I can't imagine me getting to the Arizona desert, but somewhere we will meet. What a day.

Day 7 Capri, one of the special days of my life

How to describe one of the most beautiful days I have had on this earth, apart from giving birth and getting married, this would have to be just one of the aha moments of my life. I woke up around 10.15am....a miracle in itself for me to sleep in!! Caught breakfast only just..and then decided I really needed to do something with my day. I booked a private boat tour around the island for 2pm. I needed cash, so I took the car to town. I found the bank easily enough, and had a quick browse and headed back to the room. Caught the boat tour at 2pm...Oh it was beautiful.....headed out clockwise around the island....the first stop was the green grotto....I swam through the cave and the boat met me on the other side. I hope the photos work out with the underwater camera I bought....wont know until I get it developed. The water was crystal clear, very deep and brilliant green. Guissepe was on the other side waiting for me with a rinse off, a towel and a glass of champagne. We took the boat further around to Anacapri....its where all the really private villas are..owned by so many famous people. They were just stunning. There are small Roman forts on every point.... He took me a bit further out and asked if I wanted to sunbathe..I said no, as I would burn, so he decided a massage instead...I think just to see me topless lol, oh but the massage was so good...nearly an hour of it..I was like butter....a proposition followed, but I was so good.... Another swim and we were off again around the island..the views were stunning. Lots of history including little holes where the Germans hid at the end of the war. The blue grotto was so interesting...you paid small boats to take you into the cave, you had to lay down in the boat as they dragged the boat into the cave through a hole just big enough for a boat to go through.....Inside was absolutely stunning......the cave was pitch black except for the brilliant iridescent blue water. I noticed signs outside that said swimming was strictly forbidden, but when the small boat picked me up from the Gui Gui, Guissepe told Giovani (an absolute gorgeously fit good looking italian) to look after his girl in Italian...so Giovani pulled the boat to the back of the cave to the Women's swimming pool, and I jumped in....I swam for about 5 minutes and it was strange to see your body lit up by the water....Inside the cave, all the boatmen were singing in amazing voices Oh so Maria....it was just such a surreal experience that I will remember forever. I tipped Giovani for the experience as he was so lovely..and on with the tour around the island. We stopped for another swim...this time Guiseppe joined me, I think he was having as much fun as I was, as we were jumping off the boat and laughing so much. More champagne, and a gradual cruise to Capri town...it looked beautiful from the water... Cruised around Fragiali Rocks....(they are the big ones you can see from my room) and more swimming...then cruised around the big yachts and small ships...suprisingly quite a few had Australian flags...Would love to know who owns them. Then we cruised back to the dock in front of my hotel. Guissepe gave me a parting kiss and told me that my husband was a very lucky man.....Now that was 120 euro well spent...an 1 1/2 hour tour that lasted 3 1/2. Went out for dinner to an amazing restaurant recommended to me by Megan Castran, Villa Verde. The food was wonderful, but also their was a really nice atmosphere. I have never seen a restaurant owner so active in building rapport with his guests. He even sat at my table for a couple of minutes to ask why I was alone. I explained that I was meeting Stevo in Paris next week and that circumstances didnt allow us long trips together. He was so lovely. I had deepfried mozzarella with caper and anchovy sauce, grilled spatchcock with mustard and vegetables and strawberry meringue tart...a couple of wines of course. A very special meal. As I was walking out the owner again came to say goodbye with a big hug and a until you return.... Oh what a wonderful day I had

Day 6 Capri-LOVE IT

Day 5 Capri Capri is just stunning..its water is crystal clear bright blue..and so pretty. This morning I woke up pretty energetic...wandered up to the gym at 6am and walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes and the exercise bike for 10 and then did some ab exercises. I'm so glad I did. The breakfast was beautiful....I had fresh fruit and the most deliciously fresh warm croissants.....then I decided I really needed some things....sunscreen and batteries for my camera mainly, so off to the piazza I went. I spent the whole morning wandering..I walked down to the the port and then back up to the piazza..through tiny lane ways Oh the fire station was so cute...they looked like fireman sam fire trucks. They are small electric trucks, small enough to get into at least most of the lane ways. There is only one road that goes down to the port and there is inches between the cars and trucks as they pass each other..I notice that a lot of them don't have mirrors any more lol. The rest of the town is narrow lanes...and electric carts are used for deliveries. You don't see any fat locals......they walk everywhere. Old women struggling with their bags of groceries through the steep lane ways. I shopped for hours..not that I bought anything...will go back later maybe to pick up a souvenir or two...I bought a shirt to go over my bathers....being a redhead, I just can't sit in the sun, even though here, I dont seem to get burnt. Everyone seems to be wearing these beautiful sparkly sandals......lol, at 100-150 euro a pair....I think I won't be buying those. Of course being a pretty wealthy resort, there are all the designers shops, Prada, channel etc..saw the most beautiful pair of bathers, and tried them on..but at 475 euro......I dont think so lol. I got lost again....haha, I really must remember to pick up maps and wandered for an hour or so..but found a shop with the most delicious big cherries and fresh peaches ...yum ....lunch. Finally found my way back to the piazza and caught a lift back to the hotel. I sat around all afternoon chilling..a swim or two in the pool, and just relaxed. Didnt really talk to anyone, just chilled on my own, enjoying my own company. I decided to just eat in the hotel so I wandered upstairs and had pizza and salad. I can never finish half of the plate as it is so much...and so cheap 14 euro for my entire meal....This has been the most expensive hotel booked for my trip, but the cheapest on food and drink for sure so it averages out at the same per day really. Oh and the eye candy around here for us girls is just stunning. Have a Richard Gere look alike in the room 3 doors up....he is the most stunning looking man (oh and single)..perhaps all my single friends should come here instead of bali, believe me, the men are so much nicer looking. I will try to get a photo of him later...ooh la la. I have been so well behaved on this trip Stevo..no Frenchmen this time lol, just a lot of perving. Still deciding what to do about Naples...Maybe come back here after positano. and do Pompei tour from here instead and catch the earliest ferry to naples on the last day to catch the train to Florence.....means i lose the prepaid accommodation in Naples, but I think I would be safer somehow.

Travelling ( a little long, but an interesting day)

Day 4 Travelling. It was sad to leave the hotel this morning. The staff have been so wonderful...we shared lots of laughs..and long conversations especially the night concierge Maurice who kept me company when I couldnt sleep. The breakfast waiter was a very sweet young man..he presented me with a goody bag for my travels, kissed me on the cheek and said he would look us up when he got to Australia. It is his dream to step on Australian soil. Inside the goody bag was fresh peaches, fresh pears, figs, apricots, bottled water and a napkin stolen from the hotel. I got back to my room with tears in my eyes for his thoughtfulness. Its amazing what a cheery "hello Antonio" can do and a conversation about his goals and plans for the future man he will be (he was the same age as Brent).....I obviously touched his life somehow, as he has mine. Maurice cried when he finished his shift and hugged me like a long lost sister. Virginia and I (the day concierge) had a huge belly laugh at the menu...Octopussy stewed with tomato and olives....She presented me with a souvenir menu...and the manager who was english when he was told had the biggest belly laugh about it too......I think its the last time Octopussy is on the menu somehow. When I left, I just felt like I was leaving good friends behind... The taxi driver on the way to the station was busy practicing his English on me and ended up turning off the meter half way there. The same taxi driver as I had before. He came within 10 minutes of the call from the hotel..Sweet.. I have found my italian is so much better than it was...I understand quite a lot. And speak a little too. OMG, the station was an experience....managed to buy my ticket in Italian, and ask which platform and time..10 minutes before the train was due to leave....platform change announced only in italian...I thanked my lucky stars that I could understand a little. My seat was booked on the train and when I got to it, someone else was sitting there....I even managed to ask him what his seat number was as it was my seat...turned out he was wrong carriage. I traveled sitting next to a Englishman who is in shipping for DHL, travelling on business. We chatted the whole way about business and life in general I would have perhaps got his name and number but he asked me out for dinner at the end....at which I said, but you know I am married, thats ok he said....not for me Pal, Stevo awaits..... Got off the train at Naples....thieves and homeless beggars everywhere. Really had to watch myself. This woman came up with a young child in a pram...oh please give me some money my bambino is hungry.....I pretended not to understand, and when I turned to ask a well dressed businessman next to me for a light...she called me a bitch...you understand you bitch she said to me...I fired back in Italian, sorry, but I dont give a shit. I do not give money to beggars with packets of cigarettes in their hands if their kids are hungry or not..priorities. I know I would do anything for my babies...and not pinch them to make them cry for strangers. Another guy came up to me to try to get me to buy something...he worked in a group and I could see them coming on either side...I turned away to protect my bag and as I did so I screwed my heel into his foot. Lets just say I then got a cab as quickly as I could....unfortunately he was a thief also.....the meter must have already been running and I was stung....when I argued the price, he said, but no...definitely am going to watch myself when I go back to Naples....in fact I wish I didnt have to...but to see Vesuvius only and pompei..thankfully only three nights...One night when I travel from positano, one day at vesuvius and and pompei, one day relaxing and I am out of there.......thank goodness for getting a 5 star hotel for this bit. It was so different to Rome and I just felt so on edge and very aware that as a female on my own i am more vulnerable. Got the Ferry to Capri and stood outside on the deck the whole way...it was so good to feel the salt spray in your face and the inside smelled a bit of diesel which I know makes me feel yuck, so I was far better. I definitely have sea legs, everyone else out there were staggering and i just rolled with it...I guess growing up around boats has me very used to it. It was so nice to feel cool after it being so warm in Rome and Naples. I landed in Capri and its like a totally differennt world... got a cab at the ferry terminal to my hotel, it cost 27 euro.....ouch, but the driver said to me, if I need a lift up the hill from now on, and i see him down the hill he will take me for nothing.......he also offered a tour of the island for nothing tomorrow. He seemed very genuine and usually I am a very good pick of character. I will ask about him at the hotel first though. I got to my hotel, and its truly everything I dreamed of.......welcome cocktail ..at the bar...friendly staff and when I got to my room, I could have cried, it is just so clean welcoming and beautiful with my own little courtyard with sunlounges and table overlooking the most incredible view, spa bath in my bathroom and pool about 40 steps down and the room was so cool with the air conditioning. I think thats why they get you to have a drink in the bar, to get the room cool before you get to it.......wow...I am pinching myself...I am in a dream...it makes up for all the trials of my day. just amazing, special and everything I could have hoped for. Oh by the way I overlook brad and angies yacht and sophia lorens house.. I will take photos when I get new batteries for the camera this evening. Oh and the drinkies are so cheap here at the hotel..5 Euro for a cocktail and 3 for a vino, 3 for an italian beer or 4 for imported!!! Met another lovely couple from Perth who I will have dinner with tonight, and another couple on their honeymoon from Peurto Rico...hey stevo, we have friends to stay with now in South America...Something tells me this is my dream!! And to my beautiful friend Megan Castran...thankyou for showing me the goal I was seeking and the guts to get there!!

Last day in Roma

Day 3 Rome What to do today.....spanish steps and Trevi fountain I think...not too much rushing around. I will walk into town after a delicious big breakfast. Had breakfast with the director of drama in Victorian schools and his lovely wife and son. He was amazed that the waiter automatically bought me two cappuchino, one when I walked in, and another about 15 minutes later...no need to ask. No drinking american style coffee for this black duck. I guess appreciation for people works wonders in this town. I thanked on my first day for such a lovely coffee....from then on he brings one on a smile. He said in broken English....australians are genuine, when they smile, they smile from the heart and I guess that is so true. The europeans seem to smile, but you dont really know what they are thinking....in that we are so different. The cab driver yesterday gave me his number, and to call whenever I need a cab. His charges are a little less than most of them...his cost 10 euro from the station, the others 13 or 14 euro... NOt sure how far I will walk today, huge blisters on my feet from yesterday...any way, on with the day. I saw the pantheon and Trevi fountain today....then the heat was just so oppressive that I decided enough!! Had a siesta, a swim and then went to get lunch where the locals seem to go ....yum, Pizza bought by the 100g and so cheap it was ridiculous...3Euro got me 2 slices of pizza of different kinds and a coke....and the taste of it was just awesome!! Bludged around most of the afternoon in the pool bar sipping vino and chatting to different people..met a lovely couple from Belgium who I have promised to visit and to keep in touch...really lovely people. So now....its 5.40pm, still so hot outside, so will go for another swim and then into the Spanish Steps for a meal at a restaurant that has been recommended...its the only site that I have really missed and wanted to see, so I will make the effort! Off to Capri in the morning....Train to Naples then ferry to Capri

Day 2 Rome

Day 2 Rome I woke very early, and had breakfast on my own upstairs and then hit the pavement....walked through the park and down to the river and grabbed a coffee in a local street cafe. Met this amazing girl from Lithuania who lives in Rome. Bonnie-you may have met her...she is advocating for open access of research particularly medical research in libraries. Unfortunately I forget her name and so can't add her on facebook, but somehow I am sure we will meet again. We had a very long conversation about how difficult it is for developing countries to get the research material and how expensive it is. She applauds Australia in our open access of publicly funded research and mentioned your university in particular. I explained about my kids and how I have and still do research into different things about autism and treatment programs. And that there are mothers out there that do read the papers and understand them and pass information on to other families.....she said I would make a great advocate for Open access. I decided to walk to see the sights.....oMG, I walked and walked and walked. Oh and a little shopping. I went into one dress shop, and they looked after me like a princess. If I didnt try on 30 pieces of clothing...found some beautiful clothes, so I lashed out on 5 nice ones....a couple of dresses, a pair of comfortable sandles, a skirt and two tops. Its so unlike me. (I was told not to shop for clothes on the coast as they are so much more expensive, and here is the end of summer sales) I bought another couple of dresses in another shop. Im set now for a new wardrobe for summer.. I walked and walked and walked some more, and then took a touro bus just for a rest. It was 36 oC and I was starting to feel it. Oh there was an explosion in the square near the place where italy was declared a nation while I was there.......silly tourists ran towards it, me, I walked the other way...apparently there is a very quiet war against tourists happening and it is kept very quiet so that people dont stop coming here. protests around information booths and things. Stupido italians who dont realise that their country needs tourists in order to survive the economic crisis they are facing. Look at me for example, I come to their country, I stay in the hotel, I eat at local restaurants, and choose locally grown food. I shop for clothes, choosing only those made in Italy...I buy shoes made in italy, and then I catch taxi.....without tourists, unemployment would be through the roof. Small businesses would not survive. Once again I got lost...my orientation here is pathetic....and ended up way on the other side of the old city....taxi again.....I just couldnt contemplate how to get a bus from there to the hotel. I would have walked 10-15km plus some for the day. Sat in the pool bar for a while, and chatted online to MJ..naughty girl...2am on a school night.....and messaged the Melbourne couple I met at cooking class. We ended up going out for dinner (very cheap..$20 each) and it was lovely. We then walked the city, seeing some of the sights by night..the coloseum, pyramid etc.. Had to be a little street wise as there were lots of hawkers and suspicious looking people around...everytime one approached I would say no not interested before they even got close....I am not nice to these people. You just dont know who is going to rip you off or pull a knife...so you just never let them get close. I left Ivy and wayne and caught a cab back to the hotel.....sore and tired feet with blisters, and bed beckoned. It was a lovely evening with great company..I am sure we will catch up when we get home.

Day 1 Rome

Day 1 Rome Woke up at 7am, went for breakfast and then thought, I must find out where the cooking classes are. 9.30am, I was still mucking around working out where I was and where I needed to be for my class at 10am. I was starting to panic that I didnt really know how far it was...how long the blocks were....walking out the gate, happened upon a cab. Terrific!! 10 euro well spent to get there on time. Got to the class just on time, I think I was the second last there. The class was awesome! Very hands on, and my children and Stevo are in for a treat of home made gnocci so much better than before. The starters we made were figs with gorgonzolla and marscipan cheese mix and walnut, and the other was some other sort of cheese...will check what sort when I get my email from Andrea.....and honey.....So yummy. They were baked in the oven. I have never really eaten figs before, but they are definitely on my menu now. They were sweet and creamy with the cheese melted through them. Next we made home made gnocci with 4 cheese sauce. My kids are in for such a treat....the gnocci was so much better than I have ever made, and the kids will love it!! Going to buy my potatoes in bulk now so can get the nice old wrinkly ones.....or maybe ask lou to keep the throw out ones for me. We used very little flour because the potato was so gluey being old and so they were much nicer. Very light and the sauce just clung to them so well..definitely will be making them this way at home. Oh and the raw gnocci freezes well......so a quick meal if I make a load properly and freeze them. Andrea was so helpful. The next thing we cooked was saltin bucca......translation, beef that skips to your mouth...so simple and yummy. it was thin slices of beef around an inch wide, layered with a slice of cheese (will have to get it from the email, then a slice of prosueto and then folded, and skewered with a sage leaf. You cook it first with the sage side down and then turn and cook it on the other.....the cheese melts making a nice sauce in the bottom of the pan...so yummy and so simple. We then made an eggplant lasagne with a fresh tomato sauce..yummy too. Next we made the best lemon custard......very smooth and velvety...my arm was so sore the next day from stirring so much, but oh my it was worth it. We teamed this with peaches which we caramelised in brown sugar and then brandy. yumm The other people at the class were so lovely, I met new friends....and heard some amazing stories of life. I think thats what it is when you meet people, its important to hear their stories to gather what and who they are. I hope to remain friends with 4 or 5 of them for a very long time to come. One couple lived in South Melbourne, a lovely young couple..very career driven..one day they will change, like we have where career although is satisfying, other things in life become more important...I guess its what happens when you watch friends pass on, you reassess what truly makes you happy. Its nice to hear how excited they are about their jobs and career progression, but for me, i have made other choices in life, and I found satisfaction in that. My kids especially. Another lady was in her late 50s.......they lived as expats in thailand for many years, and when she traveled home to switzerland to be with her dying mother, he found someone new, after 35 years of marriage, she found herself alone and having to start again. It was interesting to hear of her struggle to rebuild herself and what life is like for her now. Another girl was my age, american, and 7 years ago, she was running her own business in Chicago, but the stress was huge and one day, she said enough, and changed her life, now she lives in rome and has done for 7 years. Amazing change of life. She works at a school...not sure what sort. There was also a brit living in rome for the last 15 years....her story was interesting too. She said that rome was very racist expecially towards expats like herself and she was saying how difficult it was to get police to listen when things go wrong. Andrea and his lovely wife were just beautiful....and helped with so much practical advice, not only in the kitchen, but also where to go for great food at good prices. I will definitely recommend this to anyone travelling overseas on their own.....grab a cooking class!! We sat down and ate our beautiful meal as a group.....so yummy and such great company, along with 4 glasses of wine, well, I was a bit light headed and very full when we left. I decided to walk back to my hotel.....got lost so many times. It was extremely hot so I drank water by the gallon....and the hill was very steep..and roads would suddenly end up in steps..but eventually I hit the top after walking for 2 hours, and the view was breathtaking....oh and I saw a lovely italian wedding. By the time I got to the hotel, all I could think of was drinking heaps and cooling down in the pool, and sleep.......so a very early night, 8.30pm and I was asleep!

I'm on my way

Gee 14 hour flights can drag on! The last 2 hours seemed to go forever! 6 hour stopover in Doah now! At least I can have a smoke....might even give up with the flight coming home..a 24 hour head start will help. It was a pretty good flight...attendants were great. Lots of offers for water and food if you were awake. I managed to get a seat in the middle, 3 seats all to myself, so I stretched out and had a good 6 or 7 hours sleep. Watched a couple of movies-The Hotel one about the oldies going to India and Hunger games. I enjoyed both of them, but hunger games a little more so. Then I watched a globetrotter episode about London. It bought back some great memories of my travels last year and what an awesome time I had. The food was very very tasty....Qantas could learn some lessons from these guys I reckon. Hit Doah at 6am local time, and its already 36oC!! Terminal is cool, but the bus was stuffy and getting off the plane on the tarmac it was like walking into a fan forced oven. Right now, I miss Stevo, and miss my kids. The travel part is a bit daunting on my own, but once I am sight seeing and cooking I won't feel it as much. It just hits like a ton of bricks that I am on my own and I am just so not used to ever being that.

Ringing school today to cancel meeting

I am ringing the school today to cancel the meeting tomorrow. They are not going to be happy, but under advice by the rights advocate I am not to meet them on my own. I dont trust myself right now to go.....the school stacks the meetings with parents with 3 or 4 of them versus one parent, so parents generally cave in to what the school wants which is usually an easier life for them and detrimental to the child. I will not be railroaded into regressing my child just for their easy life. Its sad, since stef has been there full time for two years I have seen huge regression. She is losing so much...her ability to write, her ability to count and her ability to speak. It tears me apart, but I am now at a loss as to what to do about it. Do I pull her out and drive her to werribee everyday or is homeschooling an option. I just hate this school so much for what they are not doing for her. It seems all they are interested in is bowel issues and now I have proved it is only there pure laziness that is causing it. For two days now, I have got stef up at 5.30am, so she can have breakfast by 6, which gives me 10 minutes an hour after her breakfast to toilet her. She goes and is happy...All I ask of the school is to give her 10 or 15 minutes on the toilet at 9am when she gets off the bus. Instead, they insist on not spending that time, and instead take her 6 times during the day....if they did the job just once, they wouldnt need to take her 6 times....ridiculous stupid people...grrr. It causes stef undue stress, not to mention the amount of washing she brings home as they change every piece of clothing each time. I have not seen any piece of paper with Stefs name written on it by her.....nor any numbers. I get her to do it here but how can I do in half an hour what a school is supposed to do in 6. I just feel sick in the guts about this.....this is sad, and its so so wrong.

The big guns are loaded

Decided to get the big guns loaded. Here we have a Disability Rights Advocate, so I decided to call them in. They were horrified at what the school is suggesting about putting Stef in nappies and a one piece suit. When I told them the school was quoting occupational health and safety at me, they said, sorry, but human rights comes first and foremost legally. They were horrified that the school tried to ring Stef's doctor to talk to them about Stef as it abuses her right to medical privacy. And they were incredulous about the school demanding meetings with parents and then having 4 representatives for them against one parent. I will win this.. The school is just being lazy about how they are toileting ..not leaving stef on long enough to go, and not cleaning up properly is just causing all these issues. They want to make the job easy for them to the detriment of my girl and its just not happening that way......over my dead body. I get tired of having to fight so hard in all the stuff like this.....feeling exhausted but just have to keep on fighting for my kids no matter what.

Toileting issues and lazy schools

Im really pissed off right now....had a phone call from the assistant principal or was it the acting principal about Stef's toileting issues....demanding a meeting at their convenience...ha, not available. What I am really pissed about is that they want to put Stef in a nappy (after 6years without one) and want to put her in a one piece suit so that she cant put her hands in her pants when she is soiled. What I am angry about is at home she is essentially pretty clean..which means they are being lazy about her toileting..not leaving her on the toilet long enough, and certainly not wiping her properly. Basically they are wanting her to regress to make it easier for themselves.....well sorry, but its against human rights to put her in a one piece suit guys, and it happens over my dead body. Nor am I going to put her in nappies because you are understaffed and too lazy...f%$&^ You! This morning I have skipped gym so I can get stef bathed and breakfasted an hour early in the hope that I can time it so she will go before she leaves home. You see the whole problem is that stef goes about 1-1 1/2 hours after breakfast.....now that puts it normally at 9am when she gets to school..if they took the time to let her go properly then and wiped her properly their whole issue would go away....but no.....they complain instead about continuous soiling (wouldnt happen if they let her go) and touching ...derr, poo on the vag is irritating ...honestly...if they just did the job properly. If they dont have enough staff (two for 10 kids, 1 who is allowed to toilet then they shouldnt be downgrading the kids disabilities when they are applying for funding. Stef was funded at level 2 (brent was funded at level 3) ...way too low for what she is not capable of doing and so the school misses out on staff. She is now at level 4 because I fought it and got it reassessed...the extra funding has not gone into extra staff or help for stef, but straight into the school coffers... Ah the battles that we face all the time are ridiculous! The system is all about them.....not the kids or their education...

What makes a happy kid?

I was asked by someone yesterday what truly makes a kid happy? After a bit of consideration I came up with the following answer. Lots of love, lots of affection, support for the person who they are becoming and stability so that they know what is coming next but majorly to feel that they are important in their parents lives regardless of other circumstances. I live by those paramaters....they are probably not all there with my own mum, or at least not until later in life, but I feel that my own kids have all of these things and I hope and know that they all appreciate it in their own ways. Wednesday night, Melinda said, oh I need to dress up as a superhero for school on Friday....OMG, left to the last minute again...I went into supermum mode, hit the sewing machine and the shops, and came up with a really good costume. Lets just say that MJ feels the love, that she is important in my life and that if I can make something possible to make her happy I will. Its not about money, but its about making sure your kids know that you put them first at least sometimes. Today she is going off to school all dressed up, feeling as proud as punch of a great costume, but also knowing that mum loves her just so much. Makes me feel so good. She looks at other friends families and says they are missing something.....our home might not be the tidiest all the time, but its a warm and loving home, full of laughter, full of support and most of all full of love. I think Steve and I can be so proud of that.

Watch out world, Im feeling full of energy

I have been to gym this morning and I'm totally full of energy this morning. Looking forward to a new gym workout as this one is now too easy. I am getting a lot fitter can do the cardio work no problem now...and they have made that harder already. I still cant run, probably not ever as its just too hard on my knees, but I am walking on an incline at a pretty rapid pace. Definitely going in to buy the new CSIRO book..its a great balanced diet with heaps of protein for muscles. I found with Jenny Craig, that there was not enough protein to maintain my muscle mass. I found that at gym I just didnt have the strength that I do now or the amount of energy. Looking forward to new recipes! Work today...got a lot to do, but it makes the day fly by.. Ready set go, the day has begun and the morning rush is beginning.

Gym assessment and other stuff

I had a gym assessment, finally! I joined the gym back in July, but because I have been going spasmodically, we only just got around to doing a new assessment. Slack I know, but because I usually go in first thing in the morning, I tend not to get around to it. Anyway, I am about 1.2 kg heavier, but...and a big but is that my skinfolds and measurements are all down significantly. The gym instructor thinks that I have a significantly larger amount of lean muscle rather than fat. He is just doing me up a new workout....and he's leaving out the eliptical as it inflames my knee. I have a loose medial ligament and a torn cartilage. Eventually it will have to get fixed, but not until after Italy and after I get some more weight off. Today Brent finally finished an assignment that was due Tuesday last week. Have given him so many lectures about keeping up and if he can't he should go to the disability office. Hope he listens. 3 weeks until exams and he seems confident that he pretty much knows his stuff. He really is very well read, but he does know he needs to study up on sociology in particular. Melinda also has exams in 3 weeks...her first. I can see a little pressure coming in..she is a little snappier than usual, a bit more emotional. I hope she does ok as it will erode her self confidence if she doesnt. Stef is doing well, quite happy at the moment. School is driving me insane though with all the washing that comes home. Not sure what to do with her bowel issues right now..paed appointment in June. Jack is growing up....now a 12 year old...just hope he doesnt go through the caveman stage like Brent did....every word was ugh, and he didnt shower much. Anyway, caught up a little on washing...still 4 loads to do, but didnt do any today...I needed a rest up. Just felt eww, but maybe I was just suffering lack of sleep.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, but whats new about that?

Got up this morning and just felt totally overwhelmed by it all....sometimes it happens like that. Every where I look in the house there is something to do. I rely on having Saturdays free to catch up on washing and cleaning the kids rooms, but with Jack's party, I was otherwise occupied. Yesterday I was too tired after a very late night on Saturday night, so again, it wasnt done...If I dont have at least 10 probably closer to 15 loads I would go he. I was planning on going to work today, but I think I need to concentrate on this place today and then will be happier for the rest of the week having caught up. I noticed to that Stefs school pants are just not fitting her properly....too short, not long enough in the waist...it looks like she would be better in pants that I make...hmmm, just need to find time to make some for her....add it to the list. oK, on with the work....hopefully with no interuptions. I just want this place to be in order.

Amazing how a simple thing like not getting my mp3 player working really pisses me off. Anyone who knows me well, knows music is a link to my sanity. I love it and constantly much to my children's disgust sing in the car. I have it going at work, at home doing housework, at gym, in the car ....everywhere I go. I think one of the hardest things I faced when Stef was little was that she hated music with a passion and used to go into meltdown every time the radio was on. To live in silence for me was like hell. It took ages of ABA therapy for me to get to turn the radio on even and then it wasnt until I started getting her to play it on instruments, getting her to keep a beat and then getting her a keyboard, that her love of music has grown. Now she loves music.....all sorts. She has a radio in her room and she loves hard rock, classical, pop....whatever music she can find. Its now her main way to relax and overcome the stresses. It would be good if she liked headphones....but no. The beauty about having music as her way to calm down is that it is portable, its everywhere and you dont have to remember to bring it with you. Today is a huge day for me...lots of housework and then preparing for Jack's Birthday. Its hard to believe my beautiful baby boy is now almost 12...almost going off to high school. Where has that time gone? Its scary sending him off to high school....Im hoping he copes with the increased expectations. He is around 2 years behind his peers in some subjects, so its going to be a big ask for him to keep up. I guess I will just have to tutor him to get him through.