Stef's Birthday was good, but a little strange. I'm not sure if she really understands the whole bit about birthdays. She shows no interest in presents, or the attention. She does like blowing out her birthday candles though. I usually make such a big thing of birthdays. Lavish cakes, parties with family, parties with friends and pressies of course, stems from a childhood where my birthday was an inconvenience rather than a celebration. It was at the wrong time of year being summer school holidays and close enough to Christmas that I got pressies joined together. I vowed that I would never have a January baby. Stef shares her birthday with 2 special people, Helen her ex intergration aide and Liz who is her current aide at school. It just makes her birthday even more special.....they never forget! I took my mum and the kids out for tea. Stef was so well behaved! She really is very well behaved in public...its one thing that we can be very proud of. A lot of severely autistic kids like Stef would not be able to sit still for a couple of hours with all the sensory stuff going on in a busy restaurant. They came out with a birthday candle in her icecream.....so she still got a cake in a sense. Not sure what we will do yet regarding a family party. No one is around this weekend, so maybe we may do something on Mothers day at tea time and have a joint celebration.
We bought Stef a nintendo ds...she will love it.....eventually when the other kids stop playing and she gets a turn. We will get a program for it that turns it into a speech facilitation machine. It runs along the lines of a Picture Exchange ...we have used it a lot but in the card form where she would hand us the card to make the choices of what she wants....this way at least it will be portable for use at home and school. Amazing how far technology has come for these kids!! My brother also wants to buy her some games that will help her with learning to read and spell...he wants to help her too.
Ok on to my goals.
1. Giving up smoking- LOL, government put up the price today by $3 a pack....Just as well that I am giving up tonight at 12!! Yesterday I wore a patch to my new job so I wouldnt go through withdrawl or feel like a cigarette while I was working. Good move. I can't wait to be free of this addiction. I know that I have done it before, I can do it again....whatever it takes!
2. Getting help for steph- Started by getting that Nintendo for Stef, today will phone DHS to make an appointment. We really need to get her into overnight respite care so that she will be used to residential care later. Apparently they have a ball there as well..I also will ring the care organisation. Apparently there are grants to subsidise childcare so that I can work...whatever we are entitled to we should apply for.
3. Losing weight..hmm now going out for tea dashed that a little, but I was restrained and had a stir fry and only a bit of dessert....and I only had a banana for lunch. Not sure how much I will lose this week if any at all. I really must be very disciplined.
4. Steve has been away, so the relationship bit has been a little difficult this week...but we do keep in touch by sms and phone. Not quite the same as a cuddle though.
5. Doing things for me-I am going to a Carer's day tomorrow. Thats the first time I have booked in for anything like that. I think it will be great to be pampered a bit. Sometimes the last thing on the list is me..and as they say, I have to fill my cup before I fill others..this is a long journey and I need to give myself sustenance along the way.
6. Moving towards owning property...will be putting away my money currently spent on cigarettes into paying off the credit card....We will get there. I have been researching what sort of property in what area. Have been reading up on a site called Property Women...They think moving into owning property in regional areas first where prices are low and vacancy rates are near zero. It means that its likely that it will be positively geared (no extra funds weekly required to cover the interest).
So, there ya go..moving in the right directions......bit by bit with every mouthful the elephant will be eaten!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wow, My life changes again in a heart beat!
Firstly, Happy 12th Birthday to my sweet special girl! I cant believe how much she has grown. A little scary too. Puberty is on the way.
Yesterday, I got a new job. Totally unexpected, but so much a challenge too. Now I need to find a babysitter for the kids for after school, in particular Stef. Its 4 days a week for 4-5 months, and then will go back to a nice 2-3. It will be a challenge working almost full time, but the experience will be good and I feel that it will be a step in the right direction for my career. My first day is TODAY. I will still have to work at the supermarket a bit as the settlement for the new owners is 17th May, I dont think that I could abandon them at this stage with any conscience.....It will be so good to get out of there though.
I'm back to living life with more intention. Making my goals and working on them everyday. For a long time now, I have lived pretty much goaless....and it shows. I have drifted from disaster to disaster, from job to job and from weekend to weekend.
So here goes......My intentions for the next 100 days are:
1. To give up smoking (1st of May is quit date)
2. To lose 10kg (stick to Jenny Craig program and exercise 30 minutes a day)
3. To do well at my new job, giving it the best I can.
4. To access much more help for Stef and our family from every source available
5. To spend quality time with Steve to enrich our relationship
6. To live more consciously
7. To find time to be more creative and enjoy the times that I have for myself
8. To work towards my grand plan of owning properties and create passive income streams so that Steve and I can live the life of our dreams and know our girl will be taken care of financially in the long term.
9. To get our vege garden to give us healthy food.
Big goals, Just need to come up with weekly goals to achieve them. As with everything, gotta cut the elephant into small enough pieces to chew on them and consume the whole elephant....bit by bit. Stay tuned....
Yesterday, I got a new job. Totally unexpected, but so much a challenge too. Now I need to find a babysitter for the kids for after school, in particular Stef. Its 4 days a week for 4-5 months, and then will go back to a nice 2-3. It will be a challenge working almost full time, but the experience will be good and I feel that it will be a step in the right direction for my career. My first day is TODAY. I will still have to work at the supermarket a bit as the settlement for the new owners is 17th May, I dont think that I could abandon them at this stage with any conscience.....It will be so good to get out of there though.
I'm back to living life with more intention. Making my goals and working on them everyday. For a long time now, I have lived pretty much goaless....and it shows. I have drifted from disaster to disaster, from job to job and from weekend to weekend.
So here goes......My intentions for the next 100 days are:
1. To give up smoking (1st of May is quit date)
2. To lose 10kg (stick to Jenny Craig program and exercise 30 minutes a day)
3. To do well at my new job, giving it the best I can.
4. To access much more help for Stef and our family from every source available
5. To spend quality time with Steve to enrich our relationship
6. To live more consciously
7. To find time to be more creative and enjoy the times that I have for myself
8. To work towards my grand plan of owning properties and create passive income streams so that Steve and I can live the life of our dreams and know our girl will be taken care of financially in the long term.
9. To get our vege garden to give us healthy food.
Big goals, Just need to come up with weekly goals to achieve them. As with everything, gotta cut the elephant into small enough pieces to chew on them and consume the whole elephant....bit by bit. Stay tuned....
Monday, April 26, 2010
Eww, but my girl will feel so much better
Nothing like the pervasive horrible smell of Stef's poo.. its absolutely disgusting. Poor kid doesn't go to the toilet very often, once in about 10-14 days and then we have to give her laxatives to get her to go. It cannot feel very comfortable for the poor little darling.
Last night I gave her the huge dose of laxatives that it takes to empty her out....this morning I am paying the price.....poo everywhere, sheets, doona, pillow, bedroom wall, not to mention all over her. I put her in the bath to clean her up, and you guessed it, she went again. GROSS!
The upside is though, she will be a happier child, her clothes will fit her again (her stomach gets really distended) and she will feel so much more comfortable. Washing machine here I come!
On another upside, its a day off work.......public holiday for Anzac Day. I will catch up on work and housework today. Oh and I slept in again until 9am. That is quite a miracle in itself as I have had a routine of getting up at 4am for months. Hopefully I can get it back to a more respectable 5am.
Just trying to work out what active thing I am going to do today. I have decided to try to do something active every day.....a walk, a play on wii fit, a ride on the bike....anything, but I need to do something each day!
Last night I gave her the huge dose of laxatives that it takes to empty her out....this morning I am paying the price.....poo everywhere, sheets, doona, pillow, bedroom wall, not to mention all over her. I put her in the bath to clean her up, and you guessed it, she went again. GROSS!
The upside is though, she will be a happier child, her clothes will fit her again (her stomach gets really distended) and she will feel so much more comfortable. Washing machine here I come!
On another upside, its a day off work.......public holiday for Anzac Day. I will catch up on work and housework today. Oh and I slept in again until 9am. That is quite a miracle in itself as I have had a routine of getting up at 4am for months. Hopefully I can get it back to a more respectable 5am.
Just trying to work out what active thing I am going to do today. I have decided to try to do something active every day.....a walk, a play on wii fit, a ride on the bike....anything, but I need to do something each day!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Proud of small achievements
One thing I realise is how we celebrate the small achievements along the way.
Today Stef rode on her bike all the way to the shop. It may not be major to anyone else but for her its just plain AWESOME! The first step is that she left her helmet on...she learnt what the brakes were for,....and steered all the way for herself. I am just so proud of how far she has come in the short time she has been riding. And this was her first really long ride.
Im also a little proud of myself. I am now wearing size 12 jeans.....down from a 18 and I managed to jog all the way with Stef riding....now I couldnt possibly have done that 5 months ago.....Thankyou Jenny Craig. I now have so much more energy!!
Today Stef rode on her bike all the way to the shop. It may not be major to anyone else but for her its just plain AWESOME! The first step is that she left her helmet on...she learnt what the brakes were for,....and steered all the way for herself. I am just so proud of how far she has come in the short time she has been riding. And this was her first really long ride.
Im also a little proud of myself. I am now wearing size 12 jeans.....down from a 18 and I managed to jog all the way with Stef riding....now I couldnt possibly have done that 5 months ago.....Thankyou Jenny Craig. I now have so much more energy!!
Lazy Lazy Sunday!
Today is Anzac Day.
I guess we all have our own histories and stories to tell about Anzac Day. My paternal grandfather was at Anzac Cove as a baby faced youngster of 16. His is an amazing story. His mother passed away at 29 with Myocardia. My grandfather not long after this was placed in permanent state care by his father. His father just walked away from his 5 beautiful young boys at an orphanage in Melbourne. No one ever heard from him again. I have tried to trace where he went after this, but no record has been uncovered of his death anywhere in Australia. My great grandmother was buried in a paupers grave in a Melbourne cemetry. What would bring any man to abandon his children, but then he had a very sick wife for a long time, and probably found it difficult to work...who knows what he did, but I suspect that he suicided after her death.
My grandfather and his brothers were taken in by a family in the western districts close to the Grampians. They were treated very well by their adoptive family. At the age of 16, he enlisted in the 5th Lighthorse Brigade from Adelaide. He went to SA because they accepted his application as a ward, without permission from his legal guardian. He also took his own horse from the farm.
He was sent to Egypt first, and he is in the famous photo where the troops were on the pyramid. Then he went on to Turkey leaving behind his beloved horse in egypt which made him very sad. His Brigade landed at Galipoli Cove in one of the first waves. They settled into fighting Johnny Turk, but living in squalid conditions took its toll he got very sick with Cholera..and was sent to the hospital ship in the cove to recooperate. While he was on that ship, his brigade was sent over the trenches in an assault, and 60% of them were killed. After withdrawl from Galipoli, he served in France.
He came back a very sick man having been mustard gassed in France.
My grandfather was granted a parcel of land in Joel Joel near Stawell where he had 5 children. He passed away at age 69 from a heart attack.
I took great pleasure to find out about his time served from the War Memorial in Canberra.
We don't march, or attend Anzac service, but I always think about our history and commemorate it in our own way.
Today I have had such a lazy day. A day to really recharge the batteries a bit. I slept until 12, and although I have done some washing,k I really havent done a lot else yet. I will do some accounting work for rainbow club today and maybe get out into the vegie patch for a while.
Brent just got up and demanded everything his own way like usual. His arrogance really cheeses me off sometimes. He won't listen and has this totally annoying habbit of calling you totally disrepectful names when he runs out of argument. Melinda pipes into these too which really cheeses me off when she isnt involved and has nothing to gain.
Maybe too, I dont have the patience with them either. I'm tired!
I guess we all have our own histories and stories to tell about Anzac Day. My paternal grandfather was at Anzac Cove as a baby faced youngster of 16. His is an amazing story. His mother passed away at 29 with Myocardia. My grandfather not long after this was placed in permanent state care by his father. His father just walked away from his 5 beautiful young boys at an orphanage in Melbourne. No one ever heard from him again. I have tried to trace where he went after this, but no record has been uncovered of his death anywhere in Australia. My great grandmother was buried in a paupers grave in a Melbourne cemetry. What would bring any man to abandon his children, but then he had a very sick wife for a long time, and probably found it difficult to work...who knows what he did, but I suspect that he suicided after her death.
My grandfather and his brothers were taken in by a family in the western districts close to the Grampians. They were treated very well by their adoptive family. At the age of 16, he enlisted in the 5th Lighthorse Brigade from Adelaide. He went to SA because they accepted his application as a ward, without permission from his legal guardian. He also took his own horse from the farm.
He was sent to Egypt first, and he is in the famous photo where the troops were on the pyramid. Then he went on to Turkey leaving behind his beloved horse in egypt which made him very sad. His Brigade landed at Galipoli Cove in one of the first waves. They settled into fighting Johnny Turk, but living in squalid conditions took its toll he got very sick with Cholera..and was sent to the hospital ship in the cove to recooperate. While he was on that ship, his brigade was sent over the trenches in an assault, and 60% of them were killed. After withdrawl from Galipoli, he served in France.
He came back a very sick man having been mustard gassed in France.
My grandfather was granted a parcel of land in Joel Joel near Stawell where he had 5 children. He passed away at age 69 from a heart attack.
I took great pleasure to find out about his time served from the War Memorial in Canberra.
We don't march, or attend Anzac service, but I always think about our history and commemorate it in our own way.
Today I have had such a lazy day. A day to really recharge the batteries a bit. I slept until 12, and although I have done some washing,k I really havent done a lot else yet. I will do some accounting work for rainbow club today and maybe get out into the vegie patch for a while.
Brent just got up and demanded everything his own way like usual. His arrogance really cheeses me off sometimes. He won't listen and has this totally annoying habbit of calling you totally disrepectful names when he runs out of argument. Melinda pipes into these too which really cheeses me off when she isnt involved and has nothing to gain.
Maybe too, I dont have the patience with them either. I'm tired!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Seasons change and time moves on
Yesterday Helen finished working as Stef's integration aide at school. Im pretty sad about that, but time moves, things change and I truly understand that she needs to do the best thing for her and as a friend, I encourage that. Helen has worked with stef for 6 1/2 years, from the start of primary school. She really has smoothed Stef's way. Helen is such a loving caring and giving person and always saw her work with our girl as a calling rather than just a job. We will always hold a very special place in our hearts for her. Being non-verbal in a mainstream school could have been quite difficult...not for Stef though. With Helen's help, Stef has been integrated with the other kids so well. They just love her. I think Helen was just so instrumental in that. Every child that she came in contact with felt as if they were loved and the whole class and school benefited by having her there. She really showed the kids, love and compassion and acceptance of other people. We will miss her so much. Helen is also a friend to me....probably knowing more about what makes me tick than most other people. We have shared are pasts, our present and our futures. The words to thank her for all she has done just never would seem enough. Fortunately as a friend, she will stay in our lives, but that contact every single week just wont be there and I will miss that.
I can't help but feel so grateful for the very special people that have been sent into our lives to help us on our journey. Some pass through fleetingly, others are there for a while and some are truly there for the long haul. I cant help but think that without autism in our lives, we would never have truly appreciated the special people that come into our lives.
Today is busy, lots of housework, some bookwork to do, a visit to Jenny Craig and Rainbow Club.
I hope I have lost more weight this week. Hanging out to get to my goal weight! My energy levels have increased so much....20 kg extra weight slowing me down really took a lot out of me. 16 kg left to lose!! People are really starting to notice. I am blessed by good genetics...I have underneath all the flab, a good figure. At 60 kg when I met steve, My chest measurement was 36 inches and bum measurement was the same and my waist was 26. I had the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe......thats so funny!!! She was the epitome of sexy in the 60's, very curvy. She was an Australian size 14. Even at 80kg, people are commenting on how good I look (haha, even getting asked out by guys) Im just wondering how much better I will be at 65kg.
I can feel that winter is on the way. This has been such a long Indian Summer.....March April is generally so much colder than this. Here we are still getting around in Summer clothes....Move over Queensland, Melbourne has better weather! I feel great at this time of year....so much energy. In winter I lose a bit of that. I might go to the doctor to get some vitamin D this year. The lack of sunshine really has a lot of impact on mental health. I have always been aware of my mental health. Having been bitten by the black dog (depression) along our travels, I need to be aware when I am on a downward and do the best I can to pull back up. I usually use meditation and doing things that makes me happy to refill my cup. Mmm maybe a good weekend away, or a couple of massages.....just stuff that pampers me helps so much.
Anyway, on to this housework. I so want my house to look neat and tidy like other people seem to manage...life always seems to in the way of that along with the Human Destructor! Always so much to do and never enough time to do it. I have a 5 day weekend, no work until Wednesday, so heres my chance!!
I can't help but feel so grateful for the very special people that have been sent into our lives to help us on our journey. Some pass through fleetingly, others are there for a while and some are truly there for the long haul. I cant help but think that without autism in our lives, we would never have truly appreciated the special people that come into our lives.
Today is busy, lots of housework, some bookwork to do, a visit to Jenny Craig and Rainbow Club.
I hope I have lost more weight this week. Hanging out to get to my goal weight! My energy levels have increased so much....20 kg extra weight slowing me down really took a lot out of me. 16 kg left to lose!! People are really starting to notice. I am blessed by good genetics...I have underneath all the flab, a good figure. At 60 kg when I met steve, My chest measurement was 36 inches and bum measurement was the same and my waist was 26. I had the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe......thats so funny!!! She was the epitome of sexy in the 60's, very curvy. She was an Australian size 14. Even at 80kg, people are commenting on how good I look (haha, even getting asked out by guys) Im just wondering how much better I will be at 65kg.
I can feel that winter is on the way. This has been such a long Indian Summer.....March April is generally so much colder than this. Here we are still getting around in Summer clothes....Move over Queensland, Melbourne has better weather! I feel great at this time of year....so much energy. In winter I lose a bit of that. I might go to the doctor to get some vitamin D this year. The lack of sunshine really has a lot of impact on mental health. I have always been aware of my mental health. Having been bitten by the black dog (depression) along our travels, I need to be aware when I am on a downward and do the best I can to pull back up. I usually use meditation and doing things that makes me happy to refill my cup. Mmm maybe a good weekend away, or a couple of massages.....just stuff that pampers me helps so much.
Anyway, on to this housework. I so want my house to look neat and tidy like other people seem to manage...life always seems to in the way of that along with the Human Destructor! Always so much to do and never enough time to do it. I have a 5 day weekend, no work until Wednesday, so heres my chance!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I chose this and so I have to love this!
I remember sitting in a Psychologists office..reworking old hurts putting it all in perspective. I remember distinctly one day, he said, that the day I picked up the phone instead of doing the ultimate deed I chose to live and not throw it all away. Not many people get that choice. They usually live life, just plodding along living from day to day without really thinking about it.
I CHOSE TO LIVE!
Every morning, I wake up, and choose to live. I choose to live life to the full. To appreciate every moment of happiness, to appreciate all the lessons along the way, to appreciate the material and the immaterial, good stuff and bad.
Life certainly has dealt me a pack of cards...a lot of dud ones, but some oh so good ones. Its a bit like playing poker. 2 2s can still win the hand if you can bluff your way through. No matter what hand is dealt, its not what cards you get, but how you play the game. There will always be someone with a better hand...but regardless, to win the game they have to play the game to the full to win. Some people really don't appreciate the hand they get. They see the three aces, but fear the flush or straight. My aim in life is always to play the hand I get to the full without fear...so what if someone gets a better hand, it doesnt mean I cant still win the game you know. I am never jealous of others hands....it doesnt mean that they will always win the game.
Today I am a little contemplative.....its 10 years today since my girl got her diagnosis. Ten years of tears, of fears, of hopes dashed and dreams unfulfilled. Ten years of hard work, ten years of hope, ten years of acceptance. What will be will be with her. It hasnt been for lack of trying her lack of progress. She has progressed a little and each achievement has been major, but it breaks my heart just the same. I see the beautiful little person inside. The loving, happy, beautiful woman inside just waiting patiently to one day be released from the hell that autism really is. Oh, I hope one day that she gets some communication....either typing or speech it really doesnt matter.....just some way to bring out that beautiful mind that I get glimpses of.
I CHOSE TO LIVE!
Every morning, I wake up, and choose to live. I choose to live life to the full. To appreciate every moment of happiness, to appreciate all the lessons along the way, to appreciate the material and the immaterial, good stuff and bad.
Life certainly has dealt me a pack of cards...a lot of dud ones, but some oh so good ones. Its a bit like playing poker. 2 2s can still win the hand if you can bluff your way through. No matter what hand is dealt, its not what cards you get, but how you play the game. There will always be someone with a better hand...but regardless, to win the game they have to play the game to the full to win. Some people really don't appreciate the hand they get. They see the three aces, but fear the flush or straight. My aim in life is always to play the hand I get to the full without fear...so what if someone gets a better hand, it doesnt mean I cant still win the game you know. I am never jealous of others hands....it doesnt mean that they will always win the game.
Today I am a little contemplative.....its 10 years today since my girl got her diagnosis. Ten years of tears, of fears, of hopes dashed and dreams unfulfilled. Ten years of hard work, ten years of hope, ten years of acceptance. What will be will be with her. It hasnt been for lack of trying her lack of progress. She has progressed a little and each achievement has been major, but it breaks my heart just the same. I see the beautiful little person inside. The loving, happy, beautiful woman inside just waiting patiently to one day be released from the hell that autism really is. Oh, I hope one day that she gets some communication....either typing or speech it really doesnt matter.....just some way to bring out that beautiful mind that I get glimpses of.
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