We had a great fun night of dancing and drinking at Irish Murphy's last night. It was such a friendly crowd and the music was really great. Its funny how you can walk into some places and walk out having made friends with a dozen more people. I guess thats just me. I know Im pretty outgoing and when we go out, I always have a great time, its like a magnet to other people to join in the fun. Its so great to let the hair down and just have pure fun. When I dance, I forget everything else and just live in that moment. I believe we should always try to live in that pure moment when all that matters is the right here and now. Its also great to dance like no one else is watching and to really not care that much of what other people think about that. A good night like that just totally resets the stress meter.
Stef was really tired when she got home from rainbow club yesterday. The teacher makes her swim and swim. She loves it so much and there is pure joy on her face the whole time she is in the water. If I could convey to anyone how important Rainbow club is to our family it would be to watch her wonderful smile the whole time. She is just so incredibly relaxed in the water and its there we see the beautiful young woman come out. Its one place where the autism is not evident, where she can truly be the wonderful person she is. Yesterday I had to do a report to United way to tell them how we spend the money they give us...I also put in a a few lines about what it truly means to us to be involved in such a terrific organisation.
Sometimes I wonder where I get the energy from to do all that I do....its just there. I never take it for granted but nor do I question. Its just there.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The final week of pushing myself to the limit!
I have so much stuff to do in the next week. Its really crazy at the real estate office. So much to do right now with end of month at the real estate office, but I think I am handling it. The boss really gets what a steep learning curve I have been on and is amazed how quickly I have picked things up. I cant wait until I can get into a routine with it all so that I am not always just putting out the fires.
Up early this morning doing washing and stuff just to keep the house ticking along. I really should ask Susan to come in to give it a thorough cleaning. She could do with the money and quite frankly we could do with the help. Marie is great. She does a lot of day to day stuff when she is here. She never sits still that woman.
I went for a drive in my new car last night. I think I am going to love it. It is very similar to drive to my old lazer. Im especially going to love not paying for so much petrol. I can't wait until its light so I can really have a look at the color and stuff. She already has a name painted on the side "Demon" so I guess that will be her name. The kids really don't get the whole naming of inanimate objects lol. They did like the car when we drove it last night and Brent will be able to learn to drive in it.
I have to work for a while tomorrow at the supermarket. I need to do the final payout of staff and superannuation. I can't wait until that job is totally finished. My total focus needs to be on my new job and it will be so nice to only be working at the office without taking stuff home.
I am so enjoying my new job. The people are great and apparently I have made a big difference to the company in the happiness of the office environment. I know I have a huge sense of team.....that we all play our part to make a firm successful and that we work together for the good of the whole. I still can't get over the boss buying a huge box of fruit for the staff each week to eat during the day. He says we can all do with the extra vitamins and it cuts down on sick days. It must be working for him because no staff had any sick days for the last month. Its kind of strange for me to have a boss who constantly asks whether I am ok. In all my working life, I have never been asked. I guess thats his management style and he gets more out of us simply because he cares. Its great to be honest with him about work load and learning curves and stuff. He totally gets it and appreciates efforts.
I had an hour long conversation with the nurse from Stef's special school yesterday. I finally made them understand that Stef has a long history of bowel issues and that we are working on it constantly. They really don't get it that as parents, we don't wring our hands and go woe is me, but try like hell to sort stuff out.
Stef went to sovereign hill with her mainstream school yesterday and had a great day. She really copes well with most outings. It was sad putting a nappy on her for the day, but she has major issues with going to public toilets. Its an overwhelming fear of hand dryers. One day, she may overcome it, but in the meantime, a nappy is the go on these days. She will also have to be in a nappy for the school holiday program as she won't go to the toilet there either.
I must book her and Jack into the school hol program....today. I will send them both to the Newtown one as they are far more active and have a much better facility with the school playground and hall. They also go on more excursions and stuff to keep the kids occupied. The local one, has a small facility, no playground or oval to kick a footy and all the kids seem to do is watch movies. Jack says its as boring as batshit. He is keen to go to the one Stephanie has gone to all along. I used to send Stef to one, and Jack to the other so that Jack didnt have to be with his sister, but he has asked to go to her one too as when we picked her up one day, he had a bit of a play there and liked it. Will save on the rushing between the two as well, and its close to work.
Steve and Jack had a night away last night at Port Fairy with the angling club. I went to bed very early...8.45 and was asleep within minutes. Trying to make sure I rest enough to get through this next week of hell.
Anyway, on with the washing, hmm, got a Jenny craig appointment at 8. I may just cancel that to give me an extra hour or two. I really need to get this place cleaned up and organised for next week to make it a bit easier.
Up early this morning doing washing and stuff just to keep the house ticking along. I really should ask Susan to come in to give it a thorough cleaning. She could do with the money and quite frankly we could do with the help. Marie is great. She does a lot of day to day stuff when she is here. She never sits still that woman.
I went for a drive in my new car last night. I think I am going to love it. It is very similar to drive to my old lazer. Im especially going to love not paying for so much petrol. I can't wait until its light so I can really have a look at the color and stuff. She already has a name painted on the side "Demon" so I guess that will be her name. The kids really don't get the whole naming of inanimate objects lol. They did like the car when we drove it last night and Brent will be able to learn to drive in it.
I have to work for a while tomorrow at the supermarket. I need to do the final payout of staff and superannuation. I can't wait until that job is totally finished. My total focus needs to be on my new job and it will be so nice to only be working at the office without taking stuff home.
I am so enjoying my new job. The people are great and apparently I have made a big difference to the company in the happiness of the office environment. I know I have a huge sense of team.....that we all play our part to make a firm successful and that we work together for the good of the whole. I still can't get over the boss buying a huge box of fruit for the staff each week to eat during the day. He says we can all do with the extra vitamins and it cuts down on sick days. It must be working for him because no staff had any sick days for the last month. Its kind of strange for me to have a boss who constantly asks whether I am ok. In all my working life, I have never been asked. I guess thats his management style and he gets more out of us simply because he cares. Its great to be honest with him about work load and learning curves and stuff. He totally gets it and appreciates efforts.
I had an hour long conversation with the nurse from Stef's special school yesterday. I finally made them understand that Stef has a long history of bowel issues and that we are working on it constantly. They really don't get it that as parents, we don't wring our hands and go woe is me, but try like hell to sort stuff out.
Stef went to sovereign hill with her mainstream school yesterday and had a great day. She really copes well with most outings. It was sad putting a nappy on her for the day, but she has major issues with going to public toilets. Its an overwhelming fear of hand dryers. One day, she may overcome it, but in the meantime, a nappy is the go on these days. She will also have to be in a nappy for the school holiday program as she won't go to the toilet there either.
I must book her and Jack into the school hol program....today. I will send them both to the Newtown one as they are far more active and have a much better facility with the school playground and hall. They also go on more excursions and stuff to keep the kids occupied. The local one, has a small facility, no playground or oval to kick a footy and all the kids seem to do is watch movies. Jack says its as boring as batshit. He is keen to go to the one Stephanie has gone to all along. I used to send Stef to one, and Jack to the other so that Jack didnt have to be with his sister, but he has asked to go to her one too as when we picked her up one day, he had a bit of a play there and liked it. Will save on the rushing between the two as well, and its close to work.
Steve and Jack had a night away last night at Port Fairy with the angling club. I went to bed very early...8.45 and was asleep within minutes. Trying to make sure I rest enough to get through this next week of hell.
Anyway, on with the washing, hmm, got a Jenny craig appointment at 8. I may just cancel that to give me an extra hour or two. I really need to get this place cleaned up and organised for next week to make it a bit easier.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Busy times ahead!
End of month at work...the boss is rapt as its a record month! Its been a huge learning curve for me. Not only starting a new job, but it also being busier than ever before. The boss asked if I would work full time, and I said how about we keep Thursdays flexible enough so that if we are busy I will come in, but I really need to take some time off for things like meetings at the schools and stuff. He was good with that and very pleased that I am prepared to be there if I am needed like yesterday. I was supposed to be there for about 2 hours...it ended up being 6 1/2 as he wanted an extra report worked on. He was also really pleased that I think of the good of the whole and that he feels its the first time he has a team that work together to make sure the work gets done within deadlines. The girl who sits next to me is incredibly busy but I do what I can to help her along the way as she does for me when I am run off my feet. Its the first time he has had people that work together to make it all go smoothly. He has already offered a permanent role in the company.
Settlement day for the Supermarket is on Monday...yippee, just about finished my juggling act. I have to go in on Sunday to finalise pays for the staff etc and pack up the filing ready to go. Its been a tough couple of weeks juggling and its also been tough on the familyh. Its good to know that the light is at the end of the tunnel.
I have a nanny coming on Saturday to meet the me. I hope she is great. I think eventually I will employ two for two days each. Mainly because then if one is sick, the other can take her hours. It will give me more peace of mind to have that backup.
Steve went to empty my old car yesterday and to sign it over to the insurance company. He then went and bought me a new car. He really is a star!! He had planned two days off for a rest, but no rest for the wicked. He and his dad are going to pick up the car today. Then he is going away with Jack to an angling club camp at Port fairy. Jack was so excited about not having to go to school today- lol, he really doesnt like school much. I think its great for Jack to spend time on his own with his dad. I think boys need to spend time with men to learn how to be good men. At an angling club camp, they burp, fart and swear, but they truly show great commeradery between friends and a great spirit. They are also great with any kid that comes too.
Saturday night, we have respite care. Im really looking forward to going out for a bit of a dance a few drinkies and spending time with my guy. Its been a tough few weeks for both of us, and the strain of it is beginning to show. We really need to spend this time together before the cracks become rifts. I think its great that we both are very conscious of the relationship side of life and that great relationships don't just happen but need time and effort put in by both sides. This last two weeks of craziness has been tough for us all, but particularly on our relationship. Its nearly over babe....we can get through this. I am aware of the cost of my decisions that we have paid. Nearly through it all.
I am going to love having my new car. For a start I think it will save about $60-80 running costs per week. I'm sure I will just love the car Steve has done so well to buy under such a tight timeline. Now just to come up with a name for her...
OMG, life is just so crazy busy. I am looking forward to slowing down the bus a bit!
Settlement day for the Supermarket is on Monday...yippee, just about finished my juggling act. I have to go in on Sunday to finalise pays for the staff etc and pack up the filing ready to go. Its been a tough couple of weeks juggling and its also been tough on the familyh. Its good to know that the light is at the end of the tunnel.
I have a nanny coming on Saturday to meet the me. I hope she is great. I think eventually I will employ two for two days each. Mainly because then if one is sick, the other can take her hours. It will give me more peace of mind to have that backup.
Steve went to empty my old car yesterday and to sign it over to the insurance company. He then went and bought me a new car. He really is a star!! He had planned two days off for a rest, but no rest for the wicked. He and his dad are going to pick up the car today. Then he is going away with Jack to an angling club camp at Port fairy. Jack was so excited about not having to go to school today- lol, he really doesnt like school much. I think its great for Jack to spend time on his own with his dad. I think boys need to spend time with men to learn how to be good men. At an angling club camp, they burp, fart and swear, but they truly show great commeradery between friends and a great spirit. They are also great with any kid that comes too.
Saturday night, we have respite care. Im really looking forward to going out for a bit of a dance a few drinkies and spending time with my guy. Its been a tough few weeks for both of us, and the strain of it is beginning to show. We really need to spend this time together before the cracks become rifts. I think its great that we both are very conscious of the relationship side of life and that great relationships don't just happen but need time and effort put in by both sides. This last two weeks of craziness has been tough for us all, but particularly on our relationship. Its nearly over babe....we can get through this. I am aware of the cost of my decisions that we have paid. Nearly through it all.
I am going to love having my new car. For a start I think it will save about $60-80 running costs per week. I'm sure I will just love the car Steve has done so well to buy under such a tight timeline. Now just to come up with a name for her...
OMG, life is just so crazy busy. I am looking forward to slowing down the bus a bit!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Grr, Damn that child!
Stef is such a mischief maker. This morning, she stole my handbag from the loungeroom. I found the contents strewn over her room, and lipstick everywhere. So annoyed as it was a new lipstick and I just loved the shade. Now I have to buy a new one before work. Do I really have to lock away my handbag as well everyday...sometimes this autism shit is just so frustrating!!!!!!!!!
Oh and I got a nasty note from the special school yesterday about Stef's footwear. We have bought thousands of dollars of shoes over the years, only for Stef to refuse to wear them. She will take off any pair of shoes within seconds. The teachers whinge at me constantly about having to put her shoes back on to the point that they no longer talk about her speech progress or anything she should be learning at school in her communication book...so I simply gave up and let her wear what she will leave on. Yes I realise that slip on scuffs are not appropriate for school, but there is only so much shit you can take. We can buy new runners for Stef, and within one day at school, the backs are broken because they allow her to walk out of them constantly. I have run out of ideas. I bought her new boots which she will wear for us, but when she wore them at school, they said that she wouldnt wear them as they were too tight across the foot...she wears them just fine for us. I am so sick of the shit!!!!!!!!!!! Stef is a toe walker...constantly...so her achilles tendons are just so tight that to press on them causes her a good deal of pain..there goes any shoes that end just below the ankle like any normal shoe. We have tried boots, high top runners, the slip on runners with the back cut out....Please if anyone has any ideas let me know how to keep proper shoes on this kid.
I have a very busy day ahead..got to go clean out my car before its taken away to the graveyard, shop for a new car, got to work at the real estate agent for 2 hours, do 3-5 hours with the supermarket to do the pays and other stuff, clean out the office at the supermarket ready for settlement on Tuesday...cooking cleaning and whatever else comes my way.
Oh and I got a nasty note from the special school yesterday about Stef's footwear. We have bought thousands of dollars of shoes over the years, only for Stef to refuse to wear them. She will take off any pair of shoes within seconds. The teachers whinge at me constantly about having to put her shoes back on to the point that they no longer talk about her speech progress or anything she should be learning at school in her communication book...so I simply gave up and let her wear what she will leave on. Yes I realise that slip on scuffs are not appropriate for school, but there is only so much shit you can take. We can buy new runners for Stef, and within one day at school, the backs are broken because they allow her to walk out of them constantly. I have run out of ideas. I bought her new boots which she will wear for us, but when she wore them at school, they said that she wouldnt wear them as they were too tight across the foot...she wears them just fine for us. I am so sick of the shit!!!!!!!!!!! Stef is a toe walker...constantly...so her achilles tendons are just so tight that to press on them causes her a good deal of pain..there goes any shoes that end just below the ankle like any normal shoe. We have tried boots, high top runners, the slip on runners with the back cut out....Please if anyone has any ideas let me know how to keep proper shoes on this kid.
I have a very busy day ahead..got to go clean out my car before its taken away to the graveyard, shop for a new car, got to work at the real estate agent for 2 hours, do 3-5 hours with the supermarket to do the pays and other stuff, clean out the office at the supermarket ready for settlement on Tuesday...cooking cleaning and whatever else comes my way.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
RIP the Beast!
My big old Jackaroo has died...put to sleep by the uncaring insurance company. Goodbye old beast...we had some great times together. You were a good car, never ever breaking down, always getting us from A to B safely as the tribe we are. I will miss you!
Now I guess my job on the weekend is to find a new car. The beast was costing a fair bit to run anyway...about $120 per week in fuel. I think a small economical car will be good for the weekly finances but we wont be able to fit in one car any more. Brent doesnt go out with us much now anyway...being nearly 17 thats just not cool. Also means we won't be able to tow our big van. We will get that back from Heywood somehow and sell it off. Who knows, someone may give us a couple of grand for the old girl. Tents for Christmas Holidays..we generally only go away for two weeks now anyway. I can handle that. It certainly has brought more change into our lives....yet again. A smaller car does also give me the opportunity to get Brent to get his learners permit. He has put it off so far as we didnt have a car that he could learn in and maybe he is a little scared.
Stef was so naughty last night. I had just bought 3 packets of biscuits for the kids lunches last night.....locked them in the cupboard. Well the imp found the key and opened all the packets. I went in to her room and here were the entire contents of the packs spread over her bed. What a rotter! That kid costs me a fortune!
I'm keeping up to all that our lives entail .....just. I have rested a bit more this week. This is the only day that I have had with a 3.30am start. I just couldnt sleep. Have such a busy day ahead at work today....payday.. and end of month madness. I'm wired! It has been an awesome month for the company I work for, so nothing will dampen the bosses spirits. The girl I am filling in for had her baby on Friday morning and already she is emailing me 10 times a day. Damn, I was hoping her baby would give her hell and teach her a little about how babies can't be controlled. DAMN!
The supermarket boss keeps ringing me at work. I have had to ignore his calls. I cant be at his beck and call when someone else is paying me. Stuff him. His business, his problem. I can't wait to be rid of him.
Apart from that...all is quiet on the western front....lol.....its never not busy here!
Now I guess my job on the weekend is to find a new car. The beast was costing a fair bit to run anyway...about $120 per week in fuel. I think a small economical car will be good for the weekly finances but we wont be able to fit in one car any more. Brent doesnt go out with us much now anyway...being nearly 17 thats just not cool. Also means we won't be able to tow our big van. We will get that back from Heywood somehow and sell it off. Who knows, someone may give us a couple of grand for the old girl. Tents for Christmas Holidays..we generally only go away for two weeks now anyway. I can handle that. It certainly has brought more change into our lives....yet again. A smaller car does also give me the opportunity to get Brent to get his learners permit. He has put it off so far as we didnt have a car that he could learn in and maybe he is a little scared.
Stef was so naughty last night. I had just bought 3 packets of biscuits for the kids lunches last night.....locked them in the cupboard. Well the imp found the key and opened all the packets. I went in to her room and here were the entire contents of the packs spread over her bed. What a rotter! That kid costs me a fortune!
I'm keeping up to all that our lives entail .....just. I have rested a bit more this week. This is the only day that I have had with a 3.30am start. I just couldnt sleep. Have such a busy day ahead at work today....payday.. and end of month madness. I'm wired! It has been an awesome month for the company I work for, so nothing will dampen the bosses spirits. The girl I am filling in for had her baby on Friday morning and already she is emailing me 10 times a day. Damn, I was hoping her baby would give her hell and teach her a little about how babies can't be controlled. DAMN!
The supermarket boss keeps ringing me at work. I have had to ignore his calls. I cant be at his beck and call when someone else is paying me. Stuff him. His business, his problem. I can't wait to be rid of him.
Apart from that...all is quiet on the western front....lol.....its never not busy here!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Another day another dollar
Working so hard at the moment, it really feels as if I am doing little else. I am very conscious of making sure I get enough rest, but the reality is I am so damned tired. I can't wait til this time is over and I can settle into having a normal sort of life again.
Still having trouble finding a nanny for the kids. I do have one girl who has been recommended to me and who was trying to call last night except I had left my phone on silent so I missed the calls. Will call her today. The stress has gone off it a bit though because Marie said today that she was happy to do it until October. I just feel that maybe 4 days a week is a little too much for her. She is afterall a 75 year old.
She is so great with Stephanie, and I can see a real bond with them. Stef really is amazing. She does get attached to people and realy interacts well with those she trusts.
Brent is doing his English SACs at the moment. I can only hope that he gets through ok. Its hard to explain to him that he really needs to get through unless he wants to be a sign man....you know the guy who stands with the stop and go sign at road works. I can't think of any job that would be as boring as that. I know stuff is happening at school, but Brent really isnt talking right now.
Melinda is going ok, as she does. Normal kids just grow like weeds..they adapt to so much and learn so easily. We were simply amazed as Melinda grew as she just learnt stuff like a sponge. Most parents just don't appreciate how easily their kids learn in comparison.
Jack is having major frustration levels right now. He gets frustrated so easily and the tantrum and self abuse that happens is just awful. I really hope we can teach him that frustration is just part of life and that not all of frustration deserves a full on tantie.
Stef is happy....she had a huge empty out on the weekend and so feels good. She smiles and laughs so much. She has trashed her room yet again....grr, but whats new about that. I will just clean it all up again. Thank goodness for a great washing machine lol.
The car is going in to get fixed today after the accident a couple of weeks ago. At least I get a hire car to get around in.
Onward....so so so much to do today!!
Still having trouble finding a nanny for the kids. I do have one girl who has been recommended to me and who was trying to call last night except I had left my phone on silent so I missed the calls. Will call her today. The stress has gone off it a bit though because Marie said today that she was happy to do it until October. I just feel that maybe 4 days a week is a little too much for her. She is afterall a 75 year old.
She is so great with Stephanie, and I can see a real bond with them. Stef really is amazing. She does get attached to people and realy interacts well with those she trusts.
Brent is doing his English SACs at the moment. I can only hope that he gets through ok. Its hard to explain to him that he really needs to get through unless he wants to be a sign man....you know the guy who stands with the stop and go sign at road works. I can't think of any job that would be as boring as that. I know stuff is happening at school, but Brent really isnt talking right now.
Melinda is going ok, as she does. Normal kids just grow like weeds..they adapt to so much and learn so easily. We were simply amazed as Melinda grew as she just learnt stuff like a sponge. Most parents just don't appreciate how easily their kids learn in comparison.
Jack is having major frustration levels right now. He gets frustrated so easily and the tantrum and self abuse that happens is just awful. I really hope we can teach him that frustration is just part of life and that not all of frustration deserves a full on tantie.
Stef is happy....she had a huge empty out on the weekend and so feels good. She smiles and laughs so much. She has trashed her room yet again....grr, but whats new about that. I will just clean it all up again. Thank goodness for a great washing machine lol.
The car is going in to get fixed today after the accident a couple of weeks ago. At least I get a hire car to get around in.
Onward....so so so much to do today!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Stephanie
I was thinking about Stephanie this morning and how amazing she really is. Could you in your wildest thoughts think how difficult it is for her. How difficult it would be not to have a voice. To not be able to ask for even the basic needs let alone complex things like emotion. I would find it incredibly frustrating..and it does explain why some of these kids are angry, frustrated individuals as they get older. Stef is so amazing, she is such a happy kid regardless, rarely gets upset and tries so hard to communicate her needs.
The other thing I was looking at was her sensory issues. Autistic people have difficulty in concentrating because the brain quite simply concentrate on so many things at once. She cannot shut off all the peripheral sensory things, sound, touch, taste, and sight. Her mind concentrates on all noise..ie, the radio, television, the computer tapping, all the color, movement, lights, and the touch of clothes and floor coverings on her skin ....all at once. Her mind is just so busy. As toddlers we develop the ability to filter out the extraneous stuff. We become unaware of all the extra stuff....our minds filter it out so we no longer take any notice of these things She can't do that. To cope, and to shut off all the peripheral stuff, she stims...ie, flaps her hands, spins things, looks closely at hair.....whatever....she concentrates so hard on her stim, that everything else can be shut off. Jumping and swinging does the same thing. It totally absorbs her senses and can shut off all the extraneous stuff, even just for a little while. It was great to chat to another non-verbal person on the internet..a highly articulate woman, who is able to type proficiently, however she can't even say her name. It gave me great insight into why Stef does certain things and that although she doesnt speak, she still thinks in sentences. Its amazing.
Our next major aim for Stef is to use the computer a lot more, to get her to type, and then maybe, just maybe, she will be able to articulate her thoughts and make her wants and needs known. We live in hope.
I managed to sleep until 4.30am this morning. I am trying hard to readjust my sleep patterns back to reasonable hours..which because I have been working from 3.30am, have got into a crazy routine. I need to get back to sleeping until 5am so I am more rested for my work day.
Onward to housework for an hour and then off to work!
The other thing I was looking at was her sensory issues. Autistic people have difficulty in concentrating because the brain quite simply concentrate on so many things at once. She cannot shut off all the peripheral sensory things, sound, touch, taste, and sight. Her mind concentrates on all noise..ie, the radio, television, the computer tapping, all the color, movement, lights, and the touch of clothes and floor coverings on her skin ....all at once. Her mind is just so busy. As toddlers we develop the ability to filter out the extraneous stuff. We become unaware of all the extra stuff....our minds filter it out so we no longer take any notice of these things She can't do that. To cope, and to shut off all the peripheral stuff, she stims...ie, flaps her hands, spins things, looks closely at hair.....whatever....she concentrates so hard on her stim, that everything else can be shut off. Jumping and swinging does the same thing. It totally absorbs her senses and can shut off all the extraneous stuff, even just for a little while. It was great to chat to another non-verbal person on the internet..a highly articulate woman, who is able to type proficiently, however she can't even say her name. It gave me great insight into why Stef does certain things and that although she doesnt speak, she still thinks in sentences. Its amazing.
Our next major aim for Stef is to use the computer a lot more, to get her to type, and then maybe, just maybe, she will be able to articulate her thoughts and make her wants and needs known. We live in hope.
I managed to sleep until 4.30am this morning. I am trying hard to readjust my sleep patterns back to reasonable hours..which because I have been working from 3.30am, have got into a crazy routine. I need to get back to sleeping until 5am so I am more rested for my work day.
Onward to housework for an hour and then off to work!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
A good day, a little disorganised yes, but good just the same
Jack has had the best birthday week! Yesterday went great and there were 5 boys who went home last night saying that it was the best birthday party ever. They played in the backyard for a while and then Steve took them to the movie. He said it was a hoot to watch the 6 boys go through a crowd of people. The kids were so well behaved and sat through the movie really well. I was a bit worried as 3 of the boys are aspergers. But they were terrific. They came home and we had McDonalds and birthday cake. They were rapt.
Today we had the family barbeque for Jack's birthday. I really am a closet masterchef. I just love to cook. Its great to spend time with family. Its great for the kids to have a close extended family, especially Stef. She jumped on the trampoline with Jacinta and Lydia and was just laughing the whole time. It truly is wonderful to see her connect to the girls so well. You can see the level of trust she has with the whole extended family. It makes the whole thing worthwhile for me. It is worth the bit of work to get it organised to have them all over.....its just so important for the kids but also my mum.
Got a busy week ahead like usual, still working 3 jobs and will be until at least the 31st. Settlement of the shop was delayed. I cant wait til its all over. This week I am going to concentrate on my new job more and try to get lots of sleep. I made a lot of mistakes the first week, mainly because I was so damned tired, but also because of the steep learning curve and the preasure of having someone email every hour demanding different things done. It was a tough week. Steve has a cold, I hope I don't get it. Colds are just so nasty for me now. I know, I know, I shouldnt be smoking..two weeks max left.
Anyway, time to get the kids clothes washed or else they will have to go to school nakie lol...
Today we had the family barbeque for Jack's birthday. I really am a closet masterchef. I just love to cook. Its great to spend time with family. Its great for the kids to have a close extended family, especially Stef. She jumped on the trampoline with Jacinta and Lydia and was just laughing the whole time. It truly is wonderful to see her connect to the girls so well. You can see the level of trust she has with the whole extended family. It makes the whole thing worthwhile for me. It is worth the bit of work to get it organised to have them all over.....its just so important for the kids but also my mum.
Got a busy week ahead like usual, still working 3 jobs and will be until at least the 31st. Settlement of the shop was delayed. I cant wait til its all over. This week I am going to concentrate on my new job more and try to get lots of sleep. I made a lot of mistakes the first week, mainly because I was so damned tired, but also because of the steep learning curve and the preasure of having someone email every hour demanding different things done. It was a tough week. Steve has a cold, I hope I don't get it. Colds are just so nasty for me now. I know, I know, I shouldnt be smoking..two weeks max left.
Anyway, time to get the kids clothes washed or else they will have to go to school nakie lol...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Switch into overdrive!
So much to do today....its amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it, focus and not waste a minute.
On my agenda for the day. Jenny Craig at 8, work at 9 until 10, do the groceries, clean up the house, take the cashbox to rainbow club, take Stef to swimming, have a party for 6 little boys (Steve is taking them to the movies.. thanks steve), clean up the house again, prepare for family bbq tomorrow, pick up birthday cakes, talk to brent about homework, fill out forms for school holiday programs and hopefully meet with a nanny for the kids....the list goes on and on. Oh for a simple life!!
I try to look back to a time when life was simple...must be a very long time ago because I simply cant remember a time when I had nothing to do. I relish my time between 5 and 6am every morning...its a time when the house is quiet, its a time that I can purely devote to me, its a time when I have a chance to take a breath, meditate and work on my own self. It keeps me sane. I know that when I don't do it, I rush around all day and it becomes overwhelming. I move from thing to thing with no plan and no focus, miss doing important things and am terribly forgetful. By doing a plan for the day, I know that I am much better, get a lot more done andcan focus on the task at hand much better, knowing that I have set aside time for the next task. Yes sometimes the plan is thrown out the window, but at least this way I have a plan lol.
Tomorrow I am going to meet a prospective nanny..it will be so good to have a consistent carer for the kids after school. The one I am meeting is a qualified school teacher and sounds keen to learn as much as she can to help Stef along her way. Hoping that she is a lovely person like she sounds and that she can cope with all that our kids bring. I looked into getting care from an organisation...ouch $38 an hour minimum and that they would need two carers....and I would have to apply for funding from one of the charities. It does not take 2 people to care for these kids. OMG, my 78 year old mother looks after them, and so does Marie who is 75. My kids are hardly monsters!
Stef was funny yesterday, PJ day at school. As we were walking down the driveway, she was getting more and more upset. I guess because she couldnt see anyone else wearing the Pjs.....when she got to the classroom though...everyone had theirs on. You could see her sigh in relief. The other kids were excited that she had her pjs on too. Inclusion in mainstream has been so awesome for Stef. Her classmates are just terrific. Its such a joy to see how well this really works for her. I'm not saying that inclusion is right for everyone, but I would love Victoria to have a similar model to West Australia. They have attached special school classes within Mainstream schools. It means these kids don't become as isolated in thier own communities. In geelong, all the special needs kids go to special school...away from their own areas. They almost become invisible, know no kids in their own areas. Its hard to find any kid at Lara Primary who doesnt know Stef....and whenever we go shopping, there are always kids who come up to say hello to her or to give her a hug. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes to watch just how great these kids are and how well they accept her. I know our attitude has had a part in that. I always give a talk to her classmates about autism at the start of the year. I explain why she does the strange things she does, and how difficult it really is for her. It takes every bit of fear away....the simple knowing why. The kids see it as a privelage to be able to help Stef in the classroom and I cant help but feel they are all much better people for having had the opportunity to love and accept a child like Stef. Its just a pity it all stops at the end of this year. They will always remember her and hopefully will continue to say hello, even when she is an adult. I live in hope that she remains a part of the community....and isnt isolated.
Onward to a new busy day...
On my agenda for the day. Jenny Craig at 8, work at 9 until 10, do the groceries, clean up the house, take the cashbox to rainbow club, take Stef to swimming, have a party for 6 little boys (Steve is taking them to the movies.. thanks steve), clean up the house again, prepare for family bbq tomorrow, pick up birthday cakes, talk to brent about homework, fill out forms for school holiday programs and hopefully meet with a nanny for the kids....the list goes on and on. Oh for a simple life!!
I try to look back to a time when life was simple...must be a very long time ago because I simply cant remember a time when I had nothing to do. I relish my time between 5 and 6am every morning...its a time when the house is quiet, its a time that I can purely devote to me, its a time when I have a chance to take a breath, meditate and work on my own self. It keeps me sane. I know that when I don't do it, I rush around all day and it becomes overwhelming. I move from thing to thing with no plan and no focus, miss doing important things and am terribly forgetful. By doing a plan for the day, I know that I am much better, get a lot more done andcan focus on the task at hand much better, knowing that I have set aside time for the next task. Yes sometimes the plan is thrown out the window, but at least this way I have a plan lol.
Tomorrow I am going to meet a prospective nanny..it will be so good to have a consistent carer for the kids after school. The one I am meeting is a qualified school teacher and sounds keen to learn as much as she can to help Stef along her way. Hoping that she is a lovely person like she sounds and that she can cope with all that our kids bring. I looked into getting care from an organisation...ouch $38 an hour minimum and that they would need two carers....and I would have to apply for funding from one of the charities. It does not take 2 people to care for these kids. OMG, my 78 year old mother looks after them, and so does Marie who is 75. My kids are hardly monsters!
Stef was funny yesterday, PJ day at school. As we were walking down the driveway, she was getting more and more upset. I guess because she couldnt see anyone else wearing the Pjs.....when she got to the classroom though...everyone had theirs on. You could see her sigh in relief. The other kids were excited that she had her pjs on too. Inclusion in mainstream has been so awesome for Stef. Her classmates are just terrific. Its such a joy to see how well this really works for her. I'm not saying that inclusion is right for everyone, but I would love Victoria to have a similar model to West Australia. They have attached special school classes within Mainstream schools. It means these kids don't become as isolated in thier own communities. In geelong, all the special needs kids go to special school...away from their own areas. They almost become invisible, know no kids in their own areas. Its hard to find any kid at Lara Primary who doesnt know Stef....and whenever we go shopping, there are always kids who come up to say hello to her or to give her a hug. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes to watch just how great these kids are and how well they accept her. I know our attitude has had a part in that. I always give a talk to her classmates about autism at the start of the year. I explain why she does the strange things she does, and how difficult it really is for her. It takes every bit of fear away....the simple knowing why. The kids see it as a privelage to be able to help Stef in the classroom and I cant help but feel they are all much better people for having had the opportunity to love and accept a child like Stef. Its just a pity it all stops at the end of this year. They will always remember her and hopefully will continue to say hello, even when she is an adult. I live in hope that she remains a part of the community....and isnt isolated.
Onward to a new busy day...
Friday, May 21, 2010
I need a magic fairy!
I need a magic clean up fairy to visit my house, and my car! With working such long hours, its a struggle to keep up to all the mess that accumulates in this house. A person cannot work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I get that, but it doesnt help the frustration of having so much to do and so little time to do it.
I slept in this morning.....5am....lol. I know that most people would not consider that a sleep in, but for me, thats an extra hour and a half. I needed it! The sleep bank is in severe overdraft and I can't wait to get some well earned rest soon.
I was thinking about the early days when Stef was young and how little sleep I lived on then. She would get up at 1am and party until 5am. I was so glad when we trained her to sleep through the night. She still occasionally does it, but now she doesnt turn on every light in the house and the television up really loud, she just quietly raids the pantry. (a whole new other problem when we find biscuits and shampoo all over her bed lol) She is so crafty and will find the key and stash it so she can get into it. Its upsetting too to find that she has eaten all the school lunch stuff and yet again you have to get to the shops to replace it.
I realised to, after speaking to the journalist just how my mental state has changed in the last 4 years. At first when the child is diagnosed, you go through this major grief thing. Grief that all the expectations, hopes and dreams for your child are blown away...grief that your life will never be simple like others seems to be, grief that this is a lifetime comittment to be totally there for your child when all your friends kids will grow to be independant. Then you go through this survival stage, when you are just surviving from day to day...never thinking about the overwhelming tomorrow and when you do you go into this depressive spiral. Then you have the entitlement stage, when you believe you are entitled to as much help as you can get, and get frustrated because it simply isnt there. Now my stage is back to living with hopes dreams and goals, with an eye to making the future as good as it can be without stressing how CHALLENGING it will be. (Hard is not a word I ever use...its so negative)
I have learnt that its never as hot as you cook it, and although things may seem difficult at the time, there is no point in worrying about it. Worrying doesnt change a thing...putting one foot in front of the other does. My mantra during the challenging times is "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and "its hard to drain the lake when you are up to your ass in aligators". You have to knock off the alligators one by one. There is only one way to eat an elephant and that is to take cut it into bits. I know, they all sound a bit corny, but its just a matter of breaking down the problems into small enough bits to tackle and only think about the bit you are doing right now and putting one foot in front of the other.
Right now I could do with an extra 10 hours a day, but then it wont ever happen, so I just have to make the most of every minute.
Time to get the kids going..its Pyjama day at Lara Primary, hmm, wondering how Stef will cope with that.
I slept in this morning.....5am....lol. I know that most people would not consider that a sleep in, but for me, thats an extra hour and a half. I needed it! The sleep bank is in severe overdraft and I can't wait to get some well earned rest soon.
I was thinking about the early days when Stef was young and how little sleep I lived on then. She would get up at 1am and party until 5am. I was so glad when we trained her to sleep through the night. She still occasionally does it, but now she doesnt turn on every light in the house and the television up really loud, she just quietly raids the pantry. (a whole new other problem when we find biscuits and shampoo all over her bed lol) She is so crafty and will find the key and stash it so she can get into it. Its upsetting too to find that she has eaten all the school lunch stuff and yet again you have to get to the shops to replace it.
I realised to, after speaking to the journalist just how my mental state has changed in the last 4 years. At first when the child is diagnosed, you go through this major grief thing. Grief that all the expectations, hopes and dreams for your child are blown away...grief that your life will never be simple like others seems to be, grief that this is a lifetime comittment to be totally there for your child when all your friends kids will grow to be independant. Then you go through this survival stage, when you are just surviving from day to day...never thinking about the overwhelming tomorrow and when you do you go into this depressive spiral. Then you have the entitlement stage, when you believe you are entitled to as much help as you can get, and get frustrated because it simply isnt there. Now my stage is back to living with hopes dreams and goals, with an eye to making the future as good as it can be without stressing how CHALLENGING it will be. (Hard is not a word I ever use...its so negative)
I have learnt that its never as hot as you cook it, and although things may seem difficult at the time, there is no point in worrying about it. Worrying doesnt change a thing...putting one foot in front of the other does. My mantra during the challenging times is "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" and "its hard to drain the lake when you are up to your ass in aligators". You have to knock off the alligators one by one. There is only one way to eat an elephant and that is to take cut it into bits. I know, they all sound a bit corny, but its just a matter of breaking down the problems into small enough bits to tackle and only think about the bit you are doing right now and putting one foot in front of the other.
Right now I could do with an extra 10 hours a day, but then it wont ever happen, so I just have to make the most of every minute.
Time to get the kids going..its Pyjama day at Lara Primary, hmm, wondering how Stef will cope with that.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
So much happening
Life changes at a million miles an hour as always.
Today I was interviewed by Geelong Addy for a feature article on autism. I hope it is a good one. I hope also that I got the lack of support stuff across and how you really recieve less help than you should. He has read my this blog, I really hope it spells out what it was like at the early stages and the sort of stuff we overcome every day and the hopes and dreams we have for the future.
I do have a lot of hope for the future. Hope that Stef finds a way of communicating effectively, that Brent learns to work hard with goals for his future, that Jack finds his calling and that Melinda does well in whatever she choses. I have dreams of having a wonderful home for Stef to live as an adult. That we can travel and live a good fulfilling life.
The secondary school rang me today to arrange an emergency meeting. Of course not possible right now. They are concerned that Brent isnt handing the work in that he needs to and his attitude. He is so beligerant with me at the moment, so I can understand how he could be at school. We really need to read the riot act again and perhaps enforce stricter bedtimes for him for a while. Also apparently on the walk home from school yesterday, Jack fell over, not sure if Brent pushed him or not, but of course Jack threw a major hissy fit. This guy pulled over and started abusing brent, calling him a Pr^$ck and all sorts. I know that brent can be rather nasty to Jack, and jack isnt sure if his brother pushed him or not. Jack also is the major drama queen...so I am a bit annoyed that someone abused Brent for it when really he didnt see it, just Jack throwing his drama queen act. Ive seen it. Jack has no slightly annoyed stage....he flies automatically into this "the sky is falling" hissy fit. Anyone would think he was being killed if they stood outside our house right now. He is simply getting frustrated playing a game, but is screaming as if someone was killing him. Its frustrating as a parent to watch, and no matter how much we talk to him about it, it never changes. He is a bit better when he takes his ritalin, but he cant be on that 24 hours a day and he really needs to learn to cope with frustrations in life.
Melinda won in her badminton on Tuesday for the school team. Now they will go to the state level. Im so glad that she likes it. She has great hand eye coordination. I love playing badminton. Its a pity I cant still play, but I havent got the time or childcare to commit to a team. Oh and my knees may not cope with it now.
Jack had a great birthday. We had pizza and cake (hardly Jenny craig food) and we gave him a nintendo DSi. He was surprised as he knows that we dont usually spend that much on Birthdays,. We are having a kids party on saturday and the family bbq on Sunday.
I like having family birthday parties. Its good for the extended family to get here. The kids need their extended family around. I know its more work, but hey, there are things we do that are important for everyone.
Time to get the little darlings to bed...and me...its been a big day.
Today I was interviewed by Geelong Addy for a feature article on autism. I hope it is a good one. I hope also that I got the lack of support stuff across and how you really recieve less help than you should. He has read my this blog, I really hope it spells out what it was like at the early stages and the sort of stuff we overcome every day and the hopes and dreams we have for the future.
I do have a lot of hope for the future. Hope that Stef finds a way of communicating effectively, that Brent learns to work hard with goals for his future, that Jack finds his calling and that Melinda does well in whatever she choses. I have dreams of having a wonderful home for Stef to live as an adult. That we can travel and live a good fulfilling life.
The secondary school rang me today to arrange an emergency meeting. Of course not possible right now. They are concerned that Brent isnt handing the work in that he needs to and his attitude. He is so beligerant with me at the moment, so I can understand how he could be at school. We really need to read the riot act again and perhaps enforce stricter bedtimes for him for a while. Also apparently on the walk home from school yesterday, Jack fell over, not sure if Brent pushed him or not, but of course Jack threw a major hissy fit. This guy pulled over and started abusing brent, calling him a Pr^$ck and all sorts. I know that brent can be rather nasty to Jack, and jack isnt sure if his brother pushed him or not. Jack also is the major drama queen...so I am a bit annoyed that someone abused Brent for it when really he didnt see it, just Jack throwing his drama queen act. Ive seen it. Jack has no slightly annoyed stage....he flies automatically into this "the sky is falling" hissy fit. Anyone would think he was being killed if they stood outside our house right now. He is simply getting frustrated playing a game, but is screaming as if someone was killing him. Its frustrating as a parent to watch, and no matter how much we talk to him about it, it never changes. He is a bit better when he takes his ritalin, but he cant be on that 24 hours a day and he really needs to learn to cope with frustrations in life.
Melinda won in her badminton on Tuesday for the school team. Now they will go to the state level. Im so glad that she likes it. She has great hand eye coordination. I love playing badminton. Its a pity I cant still play, but I havent got the time or childcare to commit to a team. Oh and my knees may not cope with it now.
Jack had a great birthday. We had pizza and cake (hardly Jenny craig food) and we gave him a nintendo DSi. He was surprised as he knows that we dont usually spend that much on Birthdays,. We are having a kids party on saturday and the family bbq on Sunday.
I like having family birthday parties. Its good for the extended family to get here. The kids need their extended family around. I know its more work, but hey, there are things we do that are important for everyone.
Time to get the little darlings to bed...and me...its been a big day.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Happy Birthday Jacko!
Today is Jack's 10th birthday. OMG, where has the time gone. I look back and wonder how I got through those early times with him. When he was born, I had 4 kids 7 years apart, 3 under 3 1/2. Jack was a bit collicky at first, and I slept in the lounge with him for ages so he didnt disrupt the house. He was a lot better though when I stopped breast feeding, but often used to throw up his whole bottle and I would have to feed him again. He really was a pretty contented kid though. Have memories of him having his weetbix where ever we were at early intervention with Stef or at Kinder with Melinda......where ever.
Im a little sad too. Jack's birthday was the last time my Dad sat at my kitchen table. Its the last time the family was together (we were only missing Geoff from Perth) It was good memories as it was before the family knew he was terminal. I still miss my dad in so many ways. I miss the sounding board and the fact that I could tell him really how I was feeling rather than just the good stuff. I miss that. I tend to hold it all in now. The last thing anyone needs to hear are my whinges and woe is me so I just try like hell to focus on the good stuff.
Feeling very overwhelmed with work at the moment. Its tough. Its tough to be trying to do 3 jobs and keep the balls in the air. I am working long hours, but have so much to do yet. Bit by bit it will be done. Getting there anyway. I can't wait until I am just working the two jobs. 10 days maximum. I feel as if my life is on hold. Im looking forward to getting my life back and having the time to enjoy other things. I'm looking forward to working in the garden more, doing more sewing and designing, playing with my kids more, and spending quality time with Steve. I am paying a huge price at the moment and so are they. 10 days to go.
Im a little sad too. Jack's birthday was the last time my Dad sat at my kitchen table. Its the last time the family was together (we were only missing Geoff from Perth) It was good memories as it was before the family knew he was terminal. I still miss my dad in so many ways. I miss the sounding board and the fact that I could tell him really how I was feeling rather than just the good stuff. I miss that. I tend to hold it all in now. The last thing anyone needs to hear are my whinges and woe is me so I just try like hell to focus on the good stuff.
Feeling very overwhelmed with work at the moment. Its tough. Its tough to be trying to do 3 jobs and keep the balls in the air. I am working long hours, but have so much to do yet. Bit by bit it will be done. Getting there anyway. I can't wait until I am just working the two jobs. 10 days maximum. I feel as if my life is on hold. Im looking forward to getting my life back and having the time to enjoy other things. I'm looking forward to working in the garden more, doing more sewing and designing, playing with my kids more, and spending quality time with Steve. I am paying a huge price at the moment and so are they. 10 days to go.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So so tired....
I'm so so tired tonight. Its only 6.30 and I can barely keep my eyes open. Today at 5.30, I had worked 14 hours, with only an hour at breakfast off to get the kids going. I really need a good nights sleep...longer than the 5 that I have been having each night lately. I start working at 4am and finish at 6pm. grr.
Im working, eating and sleeping. Thats it.
Im so glad that in a week's time I will be finished the supermarket crap so that I can get my life back again.
Tomorrow is my baby's 10th birthday. Where the hell has that time gone. I was so pissed off tonight. Harvey norman advertise that they are open til 6. I got there at 20 to, and they were closed already. Damn, poor kid wont get his pressie until tomorrow night now. That just sucks. Thems the breaks kid.
I really must organise his birthday party...having the family over on Sunday for a BBQ lunch, but he also will have a kid party. I think he wants to go to see IronMan2.....and maybe Maccas with a 3 or 4 other kids at most. Must get off my ass and organise invites etc.
Melinda is cooking curry for tea yum....I hope its edible lol. I'm sure it will be. I have shown her lots along the way and I can happily say that both my oldest two are quite capable in the kitchen. Better than I was, I could barely boil water when I left home but I am a good cook now.
Anyway......sleep sleep sleep is only 2 or 3 hours away..I can hardly wait!
Im working, eating and sleeping. Thats it.
Im so glad that in a week's time I will be finished the supermarket crap so that I can get my life back again.
Tomorrow is my baby's 10th birthday. Where the hell has that time gone. I was so pissed off tonight. Harvey norman advertise that they are open til 6. I got there at 20 to, and they were closed already. Damn, poor kid wont get his pressie until tomorrow night now. That just sucks. Thems the breaks kid.
I really must organise his birthday party...having the family over on Sunday for a BBQ lunch, but he also will have a kid party. I think he wants to go to see IronMan2.....and maybe Maccas with a 3 or 4 other kids at most. Must get off my ass and organise invites etc.
Melinda is cooking curry for tea yum....I hope its edible lol. I'm sure it will be. I have shown her lots along the way and I can happily say that both my oldest two are quite capable in the kitchen. Better than I was, I could barely boil water when I left home but I am a good cook now.
Anyway......sleep sleep sleep is only 2 or 3 hours away..I can hardly wait!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My goals:
I am making a conscious effort to stick to working on my goals every day.....truly living with intention. I find when I dont affirm my goals daily, I drift like a boat without a rudder and hit rocks under the surface often which change my path.
Here are my intentions for the week.
1.-to give up smoking-I give myself a couple of weeks left of smoking. I really hate it and want it out of my life again. I feel I need the couple of weeks so I can get through this period of working 3 jobs without extra distraction. I find the days I am working at the new job, I smoke hardly at all. No time and so busy that I cant even think of taking the time out to do so and when I get home, im too tired and go to bed reasonably early. On these days, I find I smoke maybe 10 cigarettes for the whole day. The other days, I tend to smoke 20-25. 1st June will be a turning point.
2. To lose 10 kg.- This week was a good one. Too busy to eat much at work and I am making better food choices. 0.9kg weight loss this week. This week I have no dinners planned, and nothing like mother's day to side track my efforts. I will stick to the JC food as much as possible. Maybe even get a walk in or two.
3. To do well in my new job. This goes without saying. I want this job to work out so well. Its a pleasure to work for a boss that appreciates your efforts and your attitude.
4. To access more help for Stef-hmm, really havent done a lot yet, will put it in my diary to make a phonecall to DHS to get assessed again.
5. To spend quality time with Steve....respite care last night helped a lot, and a damned good bonking hehe. Must plan a weekend away for us!
6. To live more consciously...just doing this helps. I really think about my intentions daily and what is truly important both for me and my family.
7. To find time to be more creative...ok, an hour this afternoon, I am going to look through my stash of fabric, pick something out and draw up a pattern...
8. To work towards the grandplan of owning properties. Well, a $2000 a month take home payrise between us in the last week is the miracle and the manifestation of a goal. I reckon we can belt down our credit card in 3 months...then on to saving.
9. To get the vege garden going for winter. Going to get the plants today and will plant them today.
Today is day 17 of my 100 day challenge.....83 days to go!
I am making a conscious effort to stick to working on my goals every day.....truly living with intention. I find when I dont affirm my goals daily, I drift like a boat without a rudder and hit rocks under the surface often which change my path.
Here are my intentions for the week.
1.-to give up smoking-I give myself a couple of weeks left of smoking. I really hate it and want it out of my life again. I feel I need the couple of weeks so I can get through this period of working 3 jobs without extra distraction. I find the days I am working at the new job, I smoke hardly at all. No time and so busy that I cant even think of taking the time out to do so and when I get home, im too tired and go to bed reasonably early. On these days, I find I smoke maybe 10 cigarettes for the whole day. The other days, I tend to smoke 20-25. 1st June will be a turning point.
2. To lose 10 kg.- This week was a good one. Too busy to eat much at work and I am making better food choices. 0.9kg weight loss this week. This week I have no dinners planned, and nothing like mother's day to side track my efforts. I will stick to the JC food as much as possible. Maybe even get a walk in or two.
3. To do well in my new job. This goes without saying. I want this job to work out so well. Its a pleasure to work for a boss that appreciates your efforts and your attitude.
4. To access more help for Stef-hmm, really havent done a lot yet, will put it in my diary to make a phonecall to DHS to get assessed again.
5. To spend quality time with Steve....respite care last night helped a lot, and a damned good bonking hehe. Must plan a weekend away for us!
6. To live more consciously...just doing this helps. I really think about my intentions daily and what is truly important both for me and my family.
7. To find time to be more creative...ok, an hour this afternoon, I am going to look through my stash of fabric, pick something out and draw up a pattern...
8. To work towards the grandplan of owning properties. Well, a $2000 a month take home payrise between us in the last week is the miracle and the manifestation of a goal. I reckon we can belt down our credit card in 3 months...then on to saving.
9. To get the vege garden going for winter. Going to get the plants today and will plant them today.
Today is day 17 of my 100 day challenge.....83 days to go!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Life is challenging, but it would be boring otherwise!
I had a great day yesterday. I am really starting to like my new job. The boss is great and gives appreciation when its due. I love it! It makes such a difference when your boss comes up and says...Hey thanks for all you did today to help me and I appreciate your efforts. This guy really gets that his staff work hard for him but he celebrates that. He is also a guy who appreciates that its important his staff have great relationships together, that teamwork keeps the wheels rolling. I had helped my workmate early in the week, poor kid was stressed, had so much to do and was behind. I pitched in to help where I knew how...took about 2 or 3 hours out of my schedule, but helped get her to a manageable level again. Yesterday, at the end of the day when I was very flat out....she was the first to offer to help me get it done......the boss happened to be there, and he commented how great it was to see us working together (doesnt normally happen with the normal girl), Bridgette commented that I had helped her out when she really needed the help, so she was happy to step in when I needed it. My job is supposed to be a temperary Maternity leave position, but I have already been told that I won't be leaving but a job will be found for me. After only a week, I have proved my worth.
Friday my darling daughter Melinda had her mouse die...she was very upset, poor kid. This is the first real pet that these kids have lost. Jack was with me when I found him dead. Melinda had already gone to school. He told her when she got home, but did it with a laugh. I had to explain to MJ, that really, Jack wouldnt have known the appropriate way to deal with the situation and that he didnt mean to laugh, but thats what he does when he is unsure how he should act. A good chocolate fix and she was smiling again. Not too sure if she wants a new one. Mice only live 12-18 months so he had had a good life span, but Im sure she didnt give him as much attention in his last 3 months (computer took over her life) as what she had previously.
Yesterday, I got a speeding ticket......ouch. 17 km over so it was a dog. $234 fine and 3 points. That just sucked. My mind was elsewhere and the cop was an asshole. lol. I worked 4 hours at the supermarket. That boss really sucks. He has bagged out all his staff members to their new prospective employer. The guy really is an ass wipe. These people have worked hard in his business but because of his attitude he really hasnt got their full potential. He constantly would talk behind their back to other staff members. He even accused me of stealing the take one day behind my back. I wasnt even there until 5 minutes before it was discovered. The man really is stupid. I am so glad that I have nearly finished with my dealings with him. Sleezy little fat Italian man..he even has propositioned me a couple of times, and his stupid wife accuses everyone under 50 of having affairs with him....ewwwwwww, as if!! I wouldnt touch that lying little worm with a 10 foot barge pole!
Anyway, on to a new day......its just 6am, and I am about to start working on these accounts. The sooner I get them done, the sooner I can leave the job behind and concentrate on my new job only. I cant wait!!
Friday my darling daughter Melinda had her mouse die...she was very upset, poor kid. This is the first real pet that these kids have lost. Jack was with me when I found him dead. Melinda had already gone to school. He told her when she got home, but did it with a laugh. I had to explain to MJ, that really, Jack wouldnt have known the appropriate way to deal with the situation and that he didnt mean to laugh, but thats what he does when he is unsure how he should act. A good chocolate fix and she was smiling again. Not too sure if she wants a new one. Mice only live 12-18 months so he had had a good life span, but Im sure she didnt give him as much attention in his last 3 months (computer took over her life) as what she had previously.
Yesterday, I got a speeding ticket......ouch. 17 km over so it was a dog. $234 fine and 3 points. That just sucked. My mind was elsewhere and the cop was an asshole. lol. I worked 4 hours at the supermarket. That boss really sucks. He has bagged out all his staff members to their new prospective employer. The guy really is an ass wipe. These people have worked hard in his business but because of his attitude he really hasnt got their full potential. He constantly would talk behind their back to other staff members. He even accused me of stealing the take one day behind my back. I wasnt even there until 5 minutes before it was discovered. The man really is stupid. I am so glad that I have nearly finished with my dealings with him. Sleezy little fat Italian man..he even has propositioned me a couple of times, and his stupid wife accuses everyone under 50 of having affairs with him....ewwwwwww, as if!! I wouldnt touch that lying little worm with a 10 foot barge pole!
Anyway, on to a new day......its just 6am, and I am about to start working on these accounts. The sooner I get them done, the sooner I can leave the job behind and concentrate on my new job only. I cant wait!!
Friday, May 14, 2010
I have a dream!
I have a dream for a residential facility for autistic young adults..in this facility, they will have full love care and support to live their lives in an inclusive society. The facility will have the ability to include the families in their lives with family meals, and entertainment facilities. I want the home to feel like a true home with their own possessions and their own spaces. We are on the first step to making this dream a reality.
Wouldnt it be great to have residential units...like a block of apartments where autistic adults can live their own lives, but know that 24 hour support is available to them and someone is always making sure they are ok. I have a dream.
The long term care of my girl has always been a concern to me. The government really are not making the required investment into this area. Its scary to think that at 70-80 I may still be looking after a severely autistic person....its time to start doing something about it. I heard of a sad case where an elderly mother was raped by her adult intellectually disabled son......she had been trying for years to get residential care for her son as she was getting frail. How scary is that? The waiting lists for long term res car are so long, and the squeakiest wheels get the oil......what about the silent majority. These people look after their kids as long as they possibly can and then, when they cant't and it gets too hard, they struggle to get places.
I have a dream......
In my goals that I have written about earlier, Number 8 was to work towards the grand plan of owning properties and creating passive income ....this is part of my dream...
I have put it out in the universe to help me, and it has. Within the last two weeks, since I started this 100 day challenge...we both got pay rises.....mine by changing jobs, and Steves just for being great at what he does (Congratulations Stevo!!!)...It has freed up funds to start on our long term dream.....nothings gonna stop us now babe!!
On to the rest of my goals for this 100 day challenge.
1. To give up smoking- well it hasnt happened yet, but it will happen. I am giving myself until I finish the supermarket work..stress levels are just a bit high right now to add another thing. 3 weeks to go.
2. To lose 10 kg- I lost .5kg last week and have been very strict on myself this week. I am making a concerted effort.
3. To do well at my new job. Really must focus and work my guts out in the next couple of days to catch up on everything that was missed during my training.
4. To access more help for Stef and our family....hmmm. need to act on this one a bit more.
5. To spend quality time with Steve- Respite care is booked for Saturday night......we are on the town!
6. To live more consciously..oh, I am doing that with lots of writing, lots of meditation and affirmations. It really does change my attitude...I find I become more grateful for the good things in my life.
7. To find time to be more creative...havent had a lot of time lately, but that will be changing very soon.
8.....as above
9. To get into the garden...again, no time, but Steve did help me by pulling out my summer crops last week....just have to get in there and replant.
OK so there ya go.
Oh, and we are noticing that Stef is speaking more and more....this week has been a great one with her communication. Her aide at school has noticed it in a big way too. Yesterday, she distinctly said "I want tani (raisin bread) toast" "Hungry, (just after she had eaten a huge plate of spaget) cream, freezer" "where is Mummy" and "go to bed". I think the new technique of getting my mouth to the level of her eyes and repeating words over again is having a impact for her. Stef doesnt look at faces as much as she needs to to be able to imitate mouth shapes. By putting it right in front of her, and getting her to focus on the mouth, she is starting to imitate. Awesome stuff.
Oh and yesterday I knocked back a job offered by the incoming owners of the supermarket. I said, sorry Im not interested....and it felt so damned good. I will be so glad to walk out of there for the last time.
Anyway.....Onward, housework awaits...its 5.40am
Wouldnt it be great to have residential units...like a block of apartments where autistic adults can live their own lives, but know that 24 hour support is available to them and someone is always making sure they are ok. I have a dream.
The long term care of my girl has always been a concern to me. The government really are not making the required investment into this area. Its scary to think that at 70-80 I may still be looking after a severely autistic person....its time to start doing something about it. I heard of a sad case where an elderly mother was raped by her adult intellectually disabled son......she had been trying for years to get residential care for her son as she was getting frail. How scary is that? The waiting lists for long term res car are so long, and the squeakiest wheels get the oil......what about the silent majority. These people look after their kids as long as they possibly can and then, when they cant't and it gets too hard, they struggle to get places.
I have a dream......
In my goals that I have written about earlier, Number 8 was to work towards the grand plan of owning properties and creating passive income ....this is part of my dream...
I have put it out in the universe to help me, and it has. Within the last two weeks, since I started this 100 day challenge...we both got pay rises.....mine by changing jobs, and Steves just for being great at what he does (Congratulations Stevo!!!)...It has freed up funds to start on our long term dream.....nothings gonna stop us now babe!!
On to the rest of my goals for this 100 day challenge.
1. To give up smoking- well it hasnt happened yet, but it will happen. I am giving myself until I finish the supermarket work..stress levels are just a bit high right now to add another thing. 3 weeks to go.
2. To lose 10 kg- I lost .5kg last week and have been very strict on myself this week. I am making a concerted effort.
3. To do well at my new job. Really must focus and work my guts out in the next couple of days to catch up on everything that was missed during my training.
4. To access more help for Stef and our family....hmmm. need to act on this one a bit more.
5. To spend quality time with Steve- Respite care is booked for Saturday night......we are on the town!
6. To live more consciously..oh, I am doing that with lots of writing, lots of meditation and affirmations. It really does change my attitude...I find I become more grateful for the good things in my life.
7. To find time to be more creative...havent had a lot of time lately, but that will be changing very soon.
8.....as above
9. To get into the garden...again, no time, but Steve did help me by pulling out my summer crops last week....just have to get in there and replant.
OK so there ya go.
Oh, and we are noticing that Stef is speaking more and more....this week has been a great one with her communication. Her aide at school has noticed it in a big way too. Yesterday, she distinctly said "I want tani (raisin bread) toast" "Hungry, (just after she had eaten a huge plate of spaget) cream, freezer" "where is Mummy" and "go to bed". I think the new technique of getting my mouth to the level of her eyes and repeating words over again is having a impact for her. Stef doesnt look at faces as much as she needs to to be able to imitate mouth shapes. By putting it right in front of her, and getting her to focus on the mouth, she is starting to imitate. Awesome stuff.
Oh and yesterday I knocked back a job offered by the incoming owners of the supermarket. I said, sorry Im not interested....and it felt so damned good. I will be so glad to walk out of there for the last time.
Anyway.....Onward, housework awaits...its 5.40am
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Feeling tired but keeping up.
Well, yesterday went well. Had a meeting with the owner of the business and my trainer yesterday. Upshot was, that the owner was happy with me..and no matter how much she tried to bag me, he wouldnt let her. He realised I was thrown in the deepend at one of the busiest times they have ever had. He also realised that I am a team player and will prioritise the things that actually increase sales first. He also said that a job is mine at the end of the 4 month period no matter what the girl coming back from Maternity leave decides. All is good. Only complaint they had was that I needed to communicate more....lol, so I am making a concerted effort to flood her email box.
Today I work at the supermarket for a while, got so much to do there to finish off, so will be working a fair bit on the weekend. Thems the breaks.
Its suprising though that I am handling this week better than I expected. Its amazing what you can do if you set your mind to it.
On another note....how to teach a teenage boy about personal hygene lmao. Turns out he has been wearing the same shirt for the last week. He got into the car with Steve yesterday morning and Steve said he just about threw up with the smell. Its not that there werent clean shirts...there was, he just didnt ask me where they were.
Stef has been good. We gave her huge doses of laxatives over the weekend and they didnt start working until Monday much to the disgust of Barwon Valley School teacher...bad luck to them I say. They tried to tell me that she was sick on Monday....I said...no she isnt and I am not taking second Monday off work to make their life easy. Nothing I can do if the drugs take so long....sometimes its quick, 8 hours, other times it takes 2-3 doses to get her to go. Just one of those things we deal with.
I have a bit of a gripe about schools at the moment. For some reason, because you have special needs kids, they think that you dont work and schedule meetings when it is convenient to them with little regard of work committments of parents. Jacks PSG meeting was booked for 11 am next Wednesday and Stefs for 12pm Thursday. No way I can make either of these times. They just cant get into their heads that with 3 autistic kids, I have to schedule 4 20 minute psg meetings a term and cant take a day off for each bloody one. I will try to do them over the phone maybe.
Having a bit of a laugh at my stupid cat. She is rolling around the floor inside my shopping bag....crazy thing. She really is so playful first thing in the morning. She is a beautiful cat, very affectionate to everyone in the house except Melinda. Melinda is a kid that just has to cuddle animals, and the cat hates it...the rest of us the cat just smooges up to but not Melinda. The cat hates her....and chases her up the hall trying to jump on her. lol....Melinda is a bit like Daria on Finding Nemo....Just loves animals to death.
I called my niece last week finally. Lol, she had twin girls in March, born a little prem, so they were still in hospital when she had come home for about 4 weeks. Everytime I tried to ring, the phone was off the hook or turned off. I finally caught up to her which was great. I really must get around to buying the beautiful girls their presents. They are so cute...just like little newborn dolls. Thank goodness for facebook....it really keeps me in touch with my beautiful nieces and I hear about their everyday stuff. Even my mum likes it as I pass on the snippets and show her the photos. There are good points about this whole computer thing.
Anyway, its 5.20am, time to hit the housework for the day....
Today I work at the supermarket for a while, got so much to do there to finish off, so will be working a fair bit on the weekend. Thems the breaks.
Its suprising though that I am handling this week better than I expected. Its amazing what you can do if you set your mind to it.
On another note....how to teach a teenage boy about personal hygene lmao. Turns out he has been wearing the same shirt for the last week. He got into the car with Steve yesterday morning and Steve said he just about threw up with the smell. Its not that there werent clean shirts...there was, he just didnt ask me where they were.
Stef has been good. We gave her huge doses of laxatives over the weekend and they didnt start working until Monday much to the disgust of Barwon Valley School teacher...bad luck to them I say. They tried to tell me that she was sick on Monday....I said...no she isnt and I am not taking second Monday off work to make their life easy. Nothing I can do if the drugs take so long....sometimes its quick, 8 hours, other times it takes 2-3 doses to get her to go. Just one of those things we deal with.
I have a bit of a gripe about schools at the moment. For some reason, because you have special needs kids, they think that you dont work and schedule meetings when it is convenient to them with little regard of work committments of parents. Jacks PSG meeting was booked for 11 am next Wednesday and Stefs for 12pm Thursday. No way I can make either of these times. They just cant get into their heads that with 3 autistic kids, I have to schedule 4 20 minute psg meetings a term and cant take a day off for each bloody one. I will try to do them over the phone maybe.
Having a bit of a laugh at my stupid cat. She is rolling around the floor inside my shopping bag....crazy thing. She really is so playful first thing in the morning. She is a beautiful cat, very affectionate to everyone in the house except Melinda. Melinda is a kid that just has to cuddle animals, and the cat hates it...the rest of us the cat just smooges up to but not Melinda. The cat hates her....and chases her up the hall trying to jump on her. lol....Melinda is a bit like Daria on Finding Nemo....Just loves animals to death.
I called my niece last week finally. Lol, she had twin girls in March, born a little prem, so they were still in hospital when she had come home for about 4 weeks. Everytime I tried to ring, the phone was off the hook or turned off. I finally caught up to her which was great. I really must get around to buying the beautiful girls their presents. They are so cute...just like little newborn dolls. Thank goodness for facebook....it really keeps me in touch with my beautiful nieces and I hear about their everyday stuff. Even my mum likes it as I pass on the snippets and show her the photos. There are good points about this whole computer thing.
Anyway, its 5.20am, time to hit the housework for the day....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Why are some people so power hungry?
In my new job I am filling in for a girl on Maternity leave. She will be working one day a week from home to oversee my work. Thats fine, but she would have to be the most power hungry control freak that I have ever met and the way she speaks to other staff memebers just sucks. She is driving me insane. I was given 1.5 days of training...thats it, and she expects me to do the work more accurately than she did and at the same pace....hmmm, yeah right. Not only that, but the sales have gone insane and another girl I work with is getting snowed under. So much to do in the job.
Anyway, today she will be in the office and will get on my case..honestly, I will be biting my tongue the whole time. She is to train me in doing the pays today so I will see how we go. If it gets to bad, I think I will talk to the owner, I will not be treated like shit by anyone and they are hardly in the position for me to say stuff you.
My back is improving gradually, still quite sore and stiff and its affecting my sleep. Last night, the federal budget was on the TV and I just crashed out at about 8pm. Still have to get the car to a panel beaters to see what damage has been done to it.
The kids are all great. Stef is obviously missing me as every night when I walk in the door she wants lots of cuddles and attention. Its great in some ways...at least she shows affection and misses people and thats quite rare with severely autistic children. Brent resat his failed Maths SAC yesterday, hopefully he showed enough of his working out to pass this time. Melinda is disorganised, and it drives me mad as I can see her being just like me. Yesterday she again left behind her bus money....grr...at least she made the bus after all. She still doesnt bring home homework, hmm, must talk to her about that. Jack forgot his ritalin yesterday and was apparently a total pain in the ass at school. I really must get a new script filled and get it stored at school.
Got some replies to finding a nanny...it will be great to sort out that so that the kids are organised and settled in routines. Maree our guardian angel is great, but although happy to do it right now, it is way too much for her and ties her down too much to do it all the time.
Thank goodness we have respite care this weekend. I really need to get well and truly pissed lol.....to reset the stress clock and to make myself relax. A damned good bonking is required too (lol, Steve, I know you read this). I am definitely a rock chick, ...sex and drugs and rock and roll.....(leave out the drugs and insert alcohol)!!
Anyway......its 6am, time to get the housework done!
Anyway, today she will be in the office and will get on my case..honestly, I will be biting my tongue the whole time. She is to train me in doing the pays today so I will see how we go. If it gets to bad, I think I will talk to the owner, I will not be treated like shit by anyone and they are hardly in the position for me to say stuff you.
My back is improving gradually, still quite sore and stiff and its affecting my sleep. Last night, the federal budget was on the TV and I just crashed out at about 8pm. Still have to get the car to a panel beaters to see what damage has been done to it.
The kids are all great. Stef is obviously missing me as every night when I walk in the door she wants lots of cuddles and attention. Its great in some ways...at least she shows affection and misses people and thats quite rare with severely autistic children. Brent resat his failed Maths SAC yesterday, hopefully he showed enough of his working out to pass this time. Melinda is disorganised, and it drives me mad as I can see her being just like me. Yesterday she again left behind her bus money....grr...at least she made the bus after all. She still doesnt bring home homework, hmm, must talk to her about that. Jack forgot his ritalin yesterday and was apparently a total pain in the ass at school. I really must get a new script filled and get it stored at school.
Got some replies to finding a nanny...it will be great to sort out that so that the kids are organised and settled in routines. Maree our guardian angel is great, but although happy to do it right now, it is way too much for her and ties her down too much to do it all the time.
Thank goodness we have respite care this weekend. I really need to get well and truly pissed lol.....to reset the stress clock and to make myself relax. A damned good bonking is required too (lol, Steve, I know you read this). I am definitely a rock chick, ...sex and drugs and rock and roll.....(leave out the drugs and insert alcohol)!!
Anyway......its 6am, time to get the housework done!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Nothing to fear except fear itself!
Just a quick note. I was thinking why I am so calm right now. There is so much to do, and I often wonder how I will get it all done. I dont worry...at least not like I used to.
I realised, that now, the only fear I have is of fear itself. I have overcome many fears in my life, the fear of heights, the fear of flying, the fear of public speaking, the fear of trust, the fear of speaking to strangers....so many....I realise now, that I have confronted them all. I don't let my fear paralyse me like it used to. I instead use it as a challenge to myself to overcome. I use the adreanaline to pump myself...to step outside my comfort zone rather than remain comfortable in life. There really is nothing to fear.....to take that first step is the hardest, every one after that is easy.
The challenge is to take that first step....when you feel that the heart is pumping about anything.....take the first step to confront the fear...and just take the leap in faith that everything is gonna be all right!
I realised, that now, the only fear I have is of fear itself. I have overcome many fears in my life, the fear of heights, the fear of flying, the fear of public speaking, the fear of trust, the fear of speaking to strangers....so many....I realise now, that I have confronted them all. I don't let my fear paralyse me like it used to. I instead use it as a challenge to myself to overcome. I use the adreanaline to pump myself...to step outside my comfort zone rather than remain comfortable in life. There really is nothing to fear.....to take that first step is the hardest, every one after that is easy.
The challenge is to take that first step....when you feel that the heart is pumping about anything.....take the first step to confront the fear...and just take the leap in faith that everything is gonna be all right!
Poor Jack
I had a happy mother's day, but as usual nothing in our house goes completely to plan. I woke up early, sore and sorry for myself, but started doing some work. Ended up going back to bed at about 11am for a couple of hours after some panadol.
Got moving to go to my Brother's place for afternoon tea.
Allan had dug out the old go-kart and Jack decided that yeah he could ride it. He was doing so well, going round and round a small spot in the back paddock so Allan told him to go up the hill and back down. OOPS.........Jack picked up speed going down the hill and crashed into this big rusty old piece of machinery that was sitting in the back paddock. He got the brakes and the accelerator mixed up. He was winded by the steering wheel, had a graze on the leg but otherwise seems ok. Some good show and tell material lol. Steve had been filming him and got the whole thing on video. Only thing is that now he may never get on another go-kart again! I think the fear of crashing may just stop him stepping out of his comfort zone.
The afternoon tea was beautiful. Jacinta had done a great job cooking. Little caramel tartlets, lemon meringue pies, cupcakes, slices, A real High Tea like the hotels all serve and absolutely wonderful.
Allan is gradually getting rid of all the stuff he has stored in his back paddock and sheds. He really is a Steptoe..all manner of things we bought home and he has the wood there to make Stef's swing. They have a great one for her on the back patio. Its like a huge sling..so I checked it out and have taken photos so that I can make them for Stef. The problem we have with finding a swing seat is solved. Kids swing seats are too small for Stef, and a plank swing is too dangerous in case it hits someone in the head. This sling swing seat will be perfect.....soft, and it curves around her with not too much force and no hard bits that will hit anyone else and easy to make. And Stef loves it. The sewing machine will come out and I will make two, one for the yard swing and another for under the patio. It will be great to have the second one under cover. Stef loves to swing and it calms her better than anything else. Yesterday, she sat in theirs for hours and just giggled and had a huge smile on the face the whole time. It was great as she is a bit out of sorts this weekas she needs a huge poo and the drugs just arent working to make her go. I couldn't imagine going 2 weeks like she does. Poor kid must be in agony.
Anywway, on with a new week. My first full week in my new job. Hopefully I will be able to get into some sort of routine with it. I missed sending out an important email on Friday...it was difficult trying to fit a whole days work into a couple of hours, so I hope they understand. It will be the first thing I do when I get into the office. Its such a busy busy job and still lots of learning, but I am getting there.
Still working the three jobs and so will have to do at least a couple of hours each night to keep up to it all. I can deal with that I think. Poor kids have to do a bit more. Brent and Jack will have to walk to school today and tomorrow...its a fair distance, but I have a company meeting this morning, and tomorrow a finance committee meeting for the school which as treasurer I have to attend. I just have to schedule everything that I do to fit it all in one way or another. Steve helped a lot with the washing over the weekend...he did so much work around the place...he really is wonderful. Stef's room is so neat and clean now....even the walls got done. (until the next time she pours laundry liquid on her bed, or apple juice and chips and whatever else she can find) I feel as if we need a giant safe...lol. How many other people have locks on the fridge and deadlocks on the pantry...now I need to lock up my washing powder, shampoo and toothpaste as well??? Bloody child! She really is a destructive force of one!
Ok, on with my day......its gonna be a biggie.
Got moving to go to my Brother's place for afternoon tea.
Allan had dug out the old go-kart and Jack decided that yeah he could ride it. He was doing so well, going round and round a small spot in the back paddock so Allan told him to go up the hill and back down. OOPS.........Jack picked up speed going down the hill and crashed into this big rusty old piece of machinery that was sitting in the back paddock. He got the brakes and the accelerator mixed up. He was winded by the steering wheel, had a graze on the leg but otherwise seems ok. Some good show and tell material lol. Steve had been filming him and got the whole thing on video. Only thing is that now he may never get on another go-kart again! I think the fear of crashing may just stop him stepping out of his comfort zone.
The afternoon tea was beautiful. Jacinta had done a great job cooking. Little caramel tartlets, lemon meringue pies, cupcakes, slices, A real High Tea like the hotels all serve and absolutely wonderful.
Allan is gradually getting rid of all the stuff he has stored in his back paddock and sheds. He really is a Steptoe..all manner of things we bought home and he has the wood there to make Stef's swing. They have a great one for her on the back patio. Its like a huge sling..so I checked it out and have taken photos so that I can make them for Stef. The problem we have with finding a swing seat is solved. Kids swing seats are too small for Stef, and a plank swing is too dangerous in case it hits someone in the head. This sling swing seat will be perfect.....soft, and it curves around her with not too much force and no hard bits that will hit anyone else and easy to make. And Stef loves it. The sewing machine will come out and I will make two, one for the yard swing and another for under the patio. It will be great to have the second one under cover. Stef loves to swing and it calms her better than anything else. Yesterday, she sat in theirs for hours and just giggled and had a huge smile on the face the whole time. It was great as she is a bit out of sorts this weekas she needs a huge poo and the drugs just arent working to make her go. I couldn't imagine going 2 weeks like she does. Poor kid must be in agony.
Anywway, on with a new week. My first full week in my new job. Hopefully I will be able to get into some sort of routine with it. I missed sending out an important email on Friday...it was difficult trying to fit a whole days work into a couple of hours, so I hope they understand. It will be the first thing I do when I get into the office. Its such a busy busy job and still lots of learning, but I am getting there.
Still working the three jobs and so will have to do at least a couple of hours each night to keep up to it all. I can deal with that I think. Poor kids have to do a bit more. Brent and Jack will have to walk to school today and tomorrow...its a fair distance, but I have a company meeting this morning, and tomorrow a finance committee meeting for the school which as treasurer I have to attend. I just have to schedule everything that I do to fit it all in one way or another. Steve helped a lot with the washing over the weekend...he did so much work around the place...he really is wonderful. Stef's room is so neat and clean now....even the walls got done. (until the next time she pours laundry liquid on her bed, or apple juice and chips and whatever else she can find) I feel as if we need a giant safe...lol. How many other people have locks on the fridge and deadlocks on the pantry...now I need to lock up my washing powder, shampoo and toothpaste as well??? Bloody child! She really is a destructive force of one!
Ok, on with my day......its gonna be a biggie.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Just keep Swimming!
I feel a bit like Dory from Nemo, constantly telling myself...."Just keep swimming...Just Keep swimming"
Yesterday, I was having a reasonable day, organised myself and set off on my day early. Went to Jenny craig and had lost half a kilo, and then on to a clients. Unfortunately though, someone hit my car from behind. I drive this big old Jackaroo and I love it. Its a big old sherman tank! The car that hit me was a write off. The engine block hit the cab fire wall, and the car was shortened by about 2 feet. My car...nary a scratch and one broken tail light on the bumper bar was visible. Still have to get it checked out though as there could be structural damage. Today I have woken up a bit sore, just generally sore all over and a bit of a headache, not pain in any spot in particular which is good. I went to the doctors after the crash to make sure that there werent any injuries. Anyway, the guy was so apologetic, and really apologised for ruining my day over and over again. My reply was that it would take a lot more than that to ruin my day...its merely an inconvenience. Makes me think though, that I am in a place of total calm at the moment. Not a lot phases me much, not working 3 jobs, not Stef getting into stuff, not steve being away last week and the week before. Nothing. I was thinking how could it be that I am so incredibly calm. I have been working on my mental health as we all should. Plenty of rest, writing a lot to clarify my thoughts, meditation and hypnotherapy. It must be working well!
I battled on after the accident, went to the doctor to get checked out and went to the clients appointment. Got home and went to bed for a couple of hours with some panadol.
I went Mother's day shopping. I am being quite strict on clutter in this place at the moment. No I do not need the cheap photo frame from the schools mother's day stall, or the duster, or the revolting cheap soap. I instead went and bought some make-up (great deals with extra freeby pack), some work pants, scarves and other stuff. The kids can give that to me instead.
I had a think about my own mum. A few months ago, I went to her drawer to get some panadol, and I found a blast from the past. At age 9, I had made her for mothers day, a present. A cheap cake of lavender soap, which I wrapped in tulle with a pretty ribbon, and poked pins with beads on them for legs. You know, she has kept it all this time....35 years...still in perfect condition. I asked her why she had kept it, and she said because it was one of the only presents that any of her kids had MADE for her and so it was very special. She has also kept every piece of jewellery I have made her over the years. She keeps them all as special gifts. I look back and think about the presents that are closest to my heart which I have kept. From Stef, there is a plaster cast plaque of her little hand with gold glitter, made when she was 5. I keep it with all my valuables in the chrystal cabinet. Its priceless to me. From Melinda is a little cat she made and gave to me. From Brent is a little clay pot and from jack a special mum's day card that had only his work on it. Makes me think that next year, instead of just the standard vouchers for our mum's I would like to do something a bit more special. Maybe a cross stitch, a patchwork throw or cushions or something that is just so much more special. I think I will encourage the kids to do the same for me. It just means so much more.
I was just thinking about my mum. I have the best relationship with my mum now. Our relationship over the years has not always been an easy one. My mum was not very demonstrative of her affections and that aloofness has caused problems over the years for me. Our relationship has changed hugely, especially over the last couple of years. I think because I stood beside her while dad was so sick taking some of the burden from her shoulders our relationship has changed. I hugged and allowed her to cry on my shoulders, smoothed their relationship when things got a little tough when dad was going through a depressive stage. It was hard. I knew my dad was dying well before anyone else, even my mum. My dad couldnt lie to me when I asked the questions about his illness. He kept everything to himself, and when he wasnt able to eat proper food, I pressed him on the issue of test results. I knew that they hadnt removed all the cancer and that it was spreading. I had promised him that I would keep it to myself and I did. It made it hard though because dad was getting depressed and was narky with mum, and mum didnt know why...I respected dad's wishes though. He didnt want his last 12 months to be treated as a dying invalid. He wanted to live life to the full, carrying on as if nothing was eating away at him and being treated as if tomorrow wasnt his last. It was a burden that I was prepared to carry for him. I promised him that it wasnt until he was on his last, with no chance of coming out of hospital that the results of tests would be revealed and his terminal status recognised. It was hard to make the phonecalls to my brothers who were all interstate and overseas to come home for dad and that it was terminal. One brother was so incredibly shocked...stupid man, surely he knew that one who does not eat solid food for 6 months is not going to live long. Another brother, knew in his heart like me and was mentally prepared.
Mum and I are now close. She often says that she doesnt know how I do it all, and is always there to support me in everything that I do. She is proud of me which I have never really felt before and I know she tells her friends about all that we face. She has stepped up more than ever. Helping with babysitting and lots of other extra stuff. She always arrives out with biscuits or cake for the kids, does sew for the kids and lots of other things. For the first time in our relationship, there is cuddles, hugs and I love you's said. I know that it doesnt come naturally for her so it means so much more. I am proud of my mum...she is working hard at fixing our relationship as much as I have over the years. For the first time, I actually feel really loved by my mum. She couldnt help being aloof, apparently my grandmother was the same way with her..I ahve made a concerted effort with my kids though to break that chain. I tell them everyday that I love them. I cuddle and kiss (even though Brent hates it so I don't do it as often with him) and the last words I say to them in the mornings as they go off to school is "have a great day, I love you" .
Lots to do today....going to afternoon tea at my brother's for Mother's day, need to prepare everything for the busy week ahead and of course the business stuff I need to do. Its getting there, and I am happy though a little sore.
Yesterday, I was having a reasonable day, organised myself and set off on my day early. Went to Jenny craig and had lost half a kilo, and then on to a clients. Unfortunately though, someone hit my car from behind. I drive this big old Jackaroo and I love it. Its a big old sherman tank! The car that hit me was a write off. The engine block hit the cab fire wall, and the car was shortened by about 2 feet. My car...nary a scratch and one broken tail light on the bumper bar was visible. Still have to get it checked out though as there could be structural damage. Today I have woken up a bit sore, just generally sore all over and a bit of a headache, not pain in any spot in particular which is good. I went to the doctors after the crash to make sure that there werent any injuries. Anyway, the guy was so apologetic, and really apologised for ruining my day over and over again. My reply was that it would take a lot more than that to ruin my day...its merely an inconvenience. Makes me think though, that I am in a place of total calm at the moment. Not a lot phases me much, not working 3 jobs, not Stef getting into stuff, not steve being away last week and the week before. Nothing. I was thinking how could it be that I am so incredibly calm. I have been working on my mental health as we all should. Plenty of rest, writing a lot to clarify my thoughts, meditation and hypnotherapy. It must be working well!
I battled on after the accident, went to the doctor to get checked out and went to the clients appointment. Got home and went to bed for a couple of hours with some panadol.
I went Mother's day shopping. I am being quite strict on clutter in this place at the moment. No I do not need the cheap photo frame from the schools mother's day stall, or the duster, or the revolting cheap soap. I instead went and bought some make-up (great deals with extra freeby pack), some work pants, scarves and other stuff. The kids can give that to me instead.
I had a think about my own mum. A few months ago, I went to her drawer to get some panadol, and I found a blast from the past. At age 9, I had made her for mothers day, a present. A cheap cake of lavender soap, which I wrapped in tulle with a pretty ribbon, and poked pins with beads on them for legs. You know, she has kept it all this time....35 years...still in perfect condition. I asked her why she had kept it, and she said because it was one of the only presents that any of her kids had MADE for her and so it was very special. She has also kept every piece of jewellery I have made her over the years. She keeps them all as special gifts. I look back and think about the presents that are closest to my heart which I have kept. From Stef, there is a plaster cast plaque of her little hand with gold glitter, made when she was 5. I keep it with all my valuables in the chrystal cabinet. Its priceless to me. From Melinda is a little cat she made and gave to me. From Brent is a little clay pot and from jack a special mum's day card that had only his work on it. Makes me think that next year, instead of just the standard vouchers for our mum's I would like to do something a bit more special. Maybe a cross stitch, a patchwork throw or cushions or something that is just so much more special. I think I will encourage the kids to do the same for me. It just means so much more.
I was just thinking about my mum. I have the best relationship with my mum now. Our relationship over the years has not always been an easy one. My mum was not very demonstrative of her affections and that aloofness has caused problems over the years for me. Our relationship has changed hugely, especially over the last couple of years. I think because I stood beside her while dad was so sick taking some of the burden from her shoulders our relationship has changed. I hugged and allowed her to cry on my shoulders, smoothed their relationship when things got a little tough when dad was going through a depressive stage. It was hard. I knew my dad was dying well before anyone else, even my mum. My dad couldnt lie to me when I asked the questions about his illness. He kept everything to himself, and when he wasnt able to eat proper food, I pressed him on the issue of test results. I knew that they hadnt removed all the cancer and that it was spreading. I had promised him that I would keep it to myself and I did. It made it hard though because dad was getting depressed and was narky with mum, and mum didnt know why...I respected dad's wishes though. He didnt want his last 12 months to be treated as a dying invalid. He wanted to live life to the full, carrying on as if nothing was eating away at him and being treated as if tomorrow wasnt his last. It was a burden that I was prepared to carry for him. I promised him that it wasnt until he was on his last, with no chance of coming out of hospital that the results of tests would be revealed and his terminal status recognised. It was hard to make the phonecalls to my brothers who were all interstate and overseas to come home for dad and that it was terminal. One brother was so incredibly shocked...stupid man, surely he knew that one who does not eat solid food for 6 months is not going to live long. Another brother, knew in his heart like me and was mentally prepared.
Mum and I are now close. She often says that she doesnt know how I do it all, and is always there to support me in everything that I do. She is proud of me which I have never really felt before and I know she tells her friends about all that we face. She has stepped up more than ever. Helping with babysitting and lots of other extra stuff. She always arrives out with biscuits or cake for the kids, does sew for the kids and lots of other things. For the first time in our relationship, there is cuddles, hugs and I love you's said. I know that it doesnt come naturally for her so it means so much more. I am proud of my mum...she is working hard at fixing our relationship as much as I have over the years. For the first time, I actually feel really loved by my mum. She couldnt help being aloof, apparently my grandmother was the same way with her..I ahve made a concerted effort with my kids though to break that chain. I tell them everyday that I love them. I cuddle and kiss (even though Brent hates it so I don't do it as often with him) and the last words I say to them in the mornings as they go off to school is "have a great day, I love you" .
Lots to do today....going to afternoon tea at my brother's for Mother's day, need to prepare everything for the busy week ahead and of course the business stuff I need to do. Its getting there, and I am happy though a little sore.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The Weekend at LAST!
This has been a tough week! But good news I made it to the end and still smiling.
Professionally it has been difficult...learning a new job with little training time and extremely high expectations. I made a few mistakes along the way, but nothing major and at least I learnt from them and made a few new friends along the way. Everything is gonna be alright.
I can't believe that I am managing three jobs at the moment, but I am. The accounting firm I do work for was pleased with me yesterday. They sent me an email to get some information on a client on Thursday night, by Friday morning, 9am they had the information and all the supporting documentation. They were very pleased.
I officially finished my job at the supermarket yesterday. I still have to work casually though to complete the job. The bosses wife still hates me and won't speak...she is such a paranoid cow and thinks that he has affairs with all his staff. She really has a screw loose.....as if I would be interested in a balding, fat, broke italian man. Not likely lol. I told her he doesnt fit my high standards...he doesnt have a million dollars or 10 inches.
I will be working most of the weekend. So much to do and so little time.
I am keeping up to the washing, but the rest of the house is pretty crap, especially the lounge...I keep telling myself that I can't do everything, and some things will just have to wait. 3 weeks to go!
Had an email from one of Brent's teachers yesterday. Damned autism makes him incredibly stubborn. He just wont show his working out in Maths, and has failed one of his SACS because of it. HMM. We will have to sit down with him on the weekend and recap the work so he can resit it on Tuesday. Bloody kid!
Stef got in the spa after school yesterday. I didnt lock it in the morning so my fault. She did a great job....took huge bites out of the neck cushions and also shat in my spa......GRRRRRRRRRR. Will have to give it a good cleaning. Thank goodness for chlorine, great filters and that we can replace the neck cushions eventually. These things are sent to try us. Honestly!
Going shopping tomorrow.....I need new work pants! Mine are all way too big now!
Got my severence pay from the supermarket, so have money to spend. Oh and I will buy my own Mothers day present. I need makeup to wear to work. Kids cant buy that for me. Nothing else I really need and being a capricorn, I am extremely practical and anyway, we are saving like squirrels to buy a rental property in the next couple of months.
Time to get working....5am on a Saturday and already I have worked for an hour. LOL.....the things I need to do to get through this in one piece.
Professionally it has been difficult...learning a new job with little training time and extremely high expectations. I made a few mistakes along the way, but nothing major and at least I learnt from them and made a few new friends along the way. Everything is gonna be alright.
I can't believe that I am managing three jobs at the moment, but I am. The accounting firm I do work for was pleased with me yesterday. They sent me an email to get some information on a client on Thursday night, by Friday morning, 9am they had the information and all the supporting documentation. They were very pleased.
I officially finished my job at the supermarket yesterday. I still have to work casually though to complete the job. The bosses wife still hates me and won't speak...she is such a paranoid cow and thinks that he has affairs with all his staff. She really has a screw loose.....as if I would be interested in a balding, fat, broke italian man. Not likely lol. I told her he doesnt fit my high standards...he doesnt have a million dollars or 10 inches.
I will be working most of the weekend. So much to do and so little time.
I am keeping up to the washing, but the rest of the house is pretty crap, especially the lounge...I keep telling myself that I can't do everything, and some things will just have to wait. 3 weeks to go!
Had an email from one of Brent's teachers yesterday. Damned autism makes him incredibly stubborn. He just wont show his working out in Maths, and has failed one of his SACS because of it. HMM. We will have to sit down with him on the weekend and recap the work so he can resit it on Tuesday. Bloody kid!
Stef got in the spa after school yesterday. I didnt lock it in the morning so my fault. She did a great job....took huge bites out of the neck cushions and also shat in my spa......GRRRRRRRRRR. Will have to give it a good cleaning. Thank goodness for chlorine, great filters and that we can replace the neck cushions eventually. These things are sent to try us. Honestly!
Going shopping tomorrow.....I need new work pants! Mine are all way too big now!
Got my severence pay from the supermarket, so have money to spend. Oh and I will buy my own Mothers day present. I need makeup to wear to work. Kids cant buy that for me. Nothing else I really need and being a capricorn, I am extremely practical and anyway, we are saving like squirrels to buy a rental property in the next couple of months.
Time to get working....5am on a Saturday and already I have worked for an hour. LOL.....the things I need to do to get through this in one piece.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Life is flat out!
This week has been huge. What with working 3 jobs and trying to keep on top of the housework, organising the kids and all of that, you can imagine I am under a fair bit of pressure. It is suprising how happy I feel about it all though. I think because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yesterday I had an urgent call from the accounting firm to get some stuff done for them. No drama I said, but it did take a bit of work and had to call into their office. Just another thing on the long list. I am going to be working most of the weekend though. Just the price i guess.
Im going into the Real estate office today- will make it a short day as Thursdays will be my usual day off. I just want to get it under control so I can start next week on a more even keel. The adrenaline is pumping, but I am not under stress which is great. So much to do though and I really have to work to tight deadlines this week.
I am really suprised how well the kids are handling the change, and that they are stepping up to the plate.
Brent is getting used to the idea of walking Jack home from school. Apparently its funny to watch. He makes Jack walk in front so he doesnt dawdle along and marches him like the little Hitler he is. Brent really expects his brother to behave not like the 9 year old he is, but someone much older. The only thing I really hate is how he verbally abuses Jack though. We are having to come down on him pretty hard about it. Jack is called Gay all the time....and it really really is inappropriate, but how to stop Brent? Wish I had more ideas on this.
I am too suprised how Brent is settling down to his homework and not getting on the computer after school. I think we have finally got him into the idea that this year is important. It is great to see though. I could never have imagined that he would be doing it so well.
Stef is using her nintendo DS more and more. Its great that she is. We have to get that PECS program on it over the weekend. It will be great to have a way for her to communicate her needs to carers. I find too that she is attempting to speak more and more.
Steve is in Sydney until tonight.
Last night was funny..ran into a friend from my previous employer...she hadnt seen me for ages, and could not believe how much weight I have lost. She kept turning me around. 20kg lost, 15 kg to go!! and Im already in a size 12!
Anyway, time to get moving....lots to do and little time to do it like usual!!The story of my life!
Yesterday I had an urgent call from the accounting firm to get some stuff done for them. No drama I said, but it did take a bit of work and had to call into their office. Just another thing on the long list. I am going to be working most of the weekend though. Just the price i guess.
Im going into the Real estate office today- will make it a short day as Thursdays will be my usual day off. I just want to get it under control so I can start next week on a more even keel. The adrenaline is pumping, but I am not under stress which is great. So much to do though and I really have to work to tight deadlines this week.
I am really suprised how well the kids are handling the change, and that they are stepping up to the plate.
Brent is getting used to the idea of walking Jack home from school. Apparently its funny to watch. He makes Jack walk in front so he doesnt dawdle along and marches him like the little Hitler he is. Brent really expects his brother to behave not like the 9 year old he is, but someone much older. The only thing I really hate is how he verbally abuses Jack though. We are having to come down on him pretty hard about it. Jack is called Gay all the time....and it really really is inappropriate, but how to stop Brent? Wish I had more ideas on this.
I am too suprised how Brent is settling down to his homework and not getting on the computer after school. I think we have finally got him into the idea that this year is important. It is great to see though. I could never have imagined that he would be doing it so well.
Stef is using her nintendo DS more and more. Its great that she is. We have to get that PECS program on it over the weekend. It will be great to have a way for her to communicate her needs to carers. I find too that she is attempting to speak more and more.
Steve is in Sydney until tonight.
Last night was funny..ran into a friend from my previous employer...she hadnt seen me for ages, and could not believe how much weight I have lost. She kept turning me around. 20kg lost, 15 kg to go!! and Im already in a size 12!
Anyway, time to get moving....lots to do and little time to do it like usual!!The story of my life!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Its a challenge!
Thank goodness for good friends and great husbands who have helped me pull through this last week. Working 3 jobs is such a challenge, let alone the committee meetings and reports that needed to be done for Rainbow club and the school council.
I am so lucky to have a great friend Maree, who has helped me with childcare this week. She is so wonderful! She picks the kids up from their respective schools and comes home and helps with what housework needs to be done and by the time I get home, the kids are settled and the house is quiet. She said she will help out until I get a nanny. Yes, we pay her but its great to know she is there. She sometimes gives us a weekend away, looking after the kids overnight. Sometimes people are sent into your life for a reason, and I really feel that with Maree.
Steve has been great too. He is very supportive of me building my career and is doing a fair bit to keep this house going.
The next few weeks are a challenge. There is the adjustment with starting a new job, and the pressures of finishing off my old one properly. With only 3 weeks until the shop is taken over I felt that I could not abandon them with any conscience. I will help them until the job is complete. I know I could have just handed in my notice and not given a damn, but I just couldnt do this. I would have felt that my job wasnt finished. My new job is challenging, not because I struggle with the work, but my trainer had her last day yesterday officially, which meant she trained me in two days on software that I hadnt used and they do things slightly differently to my previous employer. Of course she expects me to do the job as fast as she does, but I dont think I will ever be able to as my mind just doesnt operate in quite the same way. I am ADHD, I need to complete a task fully before moving onto the next one otherwise the leftovers bits just keep piling up. She jumped from halfway through one task to the next one every couple of minutes. Like she would get on to do a settlement (a 15 minute task), and halfway through would then check her email box. I know that I need to schedule in tasks like the email box and the inbox, and do the settlement in one foul swoop so I dont leave any bits out. Yesterday I found it frustrating when she kept interupting me every two minutes. AGH! I found that it was so unproductive. I guess once she has gone I will find it easier.
The kids are all doing well.
I have noticed in the last couple of weeks that Stef is coming out with more words. I put this down to being very conscious of teaching her how to say new things. Getting down to her level, getting her to watch my mouth while I say the word over and over. She then copies me. When its not quite right, I show her again until she says it with the right sound. I think the major problem with autism is that because the kids cant maintain eye contact, they dont look at the face long enough to mimic the mouth shapes. Her aide at Lara is also doing this. Also, she is playing with her Nintendo DS more which is great. Next week we may get the program on it that she can use for speech facilitation. At least she has worked out how to use the DS and has claimed it as her own. That is always a challenge when the other kids play with it sometimes too, that she knows she owns it. In the past, if she got a present for instance, if Melinda played with it, Stef wouldnt as she didnt consider it hers.....I think she is now understanding ownership a little better.
Brent is doing ok. I spoke to his aide last week and Brent has again picked up his work level to what it should be. He had a lazy couple of weeks at the start of term.
Jack is being much better at getting his homework and reading done too. He realises now that I can't be the one to remind him all the time, but he needs to remind me....self reliance!!!
Melinda...she is improving on the whole self reliance bit, but still I havent seen any homework for the term. I think I will need to work on this a bit harder. Maybe take away personal computer time?
Anyway, onward, lots to do today.....but when isnt there. Working at the supermarket today and have got a list a mile long for that. Calling into the accounting office with documents for them (hopefully won't take too long) and then sit down and do a fair bit tonight. The washing is already on for the day and the dishes are done......Today will be a good day!
I am so lucky to have a great friend Maree, who has helped me with childcare this week. She is so wonderful! She picks the kids up from their respective schools and comes home and helps with what housework needs to be done and by the time I get home, the kids are settled and the house is quiet. She said she will help out until I get a nanny. Yes, we pay her but its great to know she is there. She sometimes gives us a weekend away, looking after the kids overnight. Sometimes people are sent into your life for a reason, and I really feel that with Maree.
Steve has been great too. He is very supportive of me building my career and is doing a fair bit to keep this house going.
The next few weeks are a challenge. There is the adjustment with starting a new job, and the pressures of finishing off my old one properly. With only 3 weeks until the shop is taken over I felt that I could not abandon them with any conscience. I will help them until the job is complete. I know I could have just handed in my notice and not given a damn, but I just couldnt do this. I would have felt that my job wasnt finished. My new job is challenging, not because I struggle with the work, but my trainer had her last day yesterday officially, which meant she trained me in two days on software that I hadnt used and they do things slightly differently to my previous employer. Of course she expects me to do the job as fast as she does, but I dont think I will ever be able to as my mind just doesnt operate in quite the same way. I am ADHD, I need to complete a task fully before moving onto the next one otherwise the leftovers bits just keep piling up. She jumped from halfway through one task to the next one every couple of minutes. Like she would get on to do a settlement (a 15 minute task), and halfway through would then check her email box. I know that I need to schedule in tasks like the email box and the inbox, and do the settlement in one foul swoop so I dont leave any bits out. Yesterday I found it frustrating when she kept interupting me every two minutes. AGH! I found that it was so unproductive. I guess once she has gone I will find it easier.
The kids are all doing well.
I have noticed in the last couple of weeks that Stef is coming out with more words. I put this down to being very conscious of teaching her how to say new things. Getting down to her level, getting her to watch my mouth while I say the word over and over. She then copies me. When its not quite right, I show her again until she says it with the right sound. I think the major problem with autism is that because the kids cant maintain eye contact, they dont look at the face long enough to mimic the mouth shapes. Her aide at Lara is also doing this. Also, she is playing with her Nintendo DS more which is great. Next week we may get the program on it that she can use for speech facilitation. At least she has worked out how to use the DS and has claimed it as her own. That is always a challenge when the other kids play with it sometimes too, that she knows she owns it. In the past, if she got a present for instance, if Melinda played with it, Stef wouldnt as she didnt consider it hers.....I think she is now understanding ownership a little better.
Brent is doing ok. I spoke to his aide last week and Brent has again picked up his work level to what it should be. He had a lazy couple of weeks at the start of term.
Jack is being much better at getting his homework and reading done too. He realises now that I can't be the one to remind him all the time, but he needs to remind me....self reliance!!!
Melinda...she is improving on the whole self reliance bit, but still I havent seen any homework for the term. I think I will need to work on this a bit harder. Maybe take away personal computer time?
Anyway, onward, lots to do today.....but when isnt there. Working at the supermarket today and have got a list a mile long for that. Calling into the accounting office with documents for them (hopefully won't take too long) and then sit down and do a fair bit tonight. The washing is already on for the day and the dishes are done......Today will be a good day!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Feel like Im living a double life
I realised today, that I have worked with these people a couple of days....and not once have I mentioned that I have a child with autism. I went to the greengrocer with my trainer today, and one of the young guys knows me from out this way. He asked how his beautiful Stephanie was going and how much he misses her antics and her smile. I said she had had a birthday and was now 12. Wow he said, and asked how her speech was going. I said, not really but she has her ways of letting us know what she wants. You know, the girl next to me didnt even comment about the conversation after we left. These people have no idea that I have kids with special needs and to be honest, I dont think they really care about anyone except themselves.
Melinda had a major lesson in self reliance yesterday. She forgot her bus money and so couldnt get on the bus to school. She came wandering back, and then said, Mum can you drive me. I said sorry girl, but you will have to catch the train. The look on her face was pure horror.....Oh no, I couldnt. I said, yes and you will. When I dropped the others off at school, I pushed her out of the car and said..off you go at which she slammed the door and went off in a huff (teenagers!!) She got home after school with tales of "strange people" on the train..and how scared she was and that she had to walk up the hill to school...and that she was late....duhh. It was a major lesson for her in being responsible for herself. She was supposed to get the application for her new Myki card organised months ago....she still hasnt. She is paying the price for that. I think self reliance is the biggest thing we have to teach our kids and responsibility for their own actions. In these days, we cloister our kids so much. We drive them to the school gate, we pick them up and they go virtually nowhere without us. I honestly think it isn't doing them any favors. My sister was wrapped in cotton wool. She didnt even have one night away from her mum until she was 19. She had no idea how to catch a train, a bus or a tram. On the other hand, I was given a lot of freedom. At 7 I was opening the door for myself to an empty house, at 9 I was catching a train to Stawell on my own....having to change trains at Ballarat and I would ring Nana from the station when I arrived. When I went to work in Melbourne, it was 2nd nature to me to catch trams and get my way around. Nothing phased me. I have over the years caught the train with the kids heaps of times, just so they know how and take them to Melbourne and give them a map and say get us to the Museum taking a tram. I was really pleased when Brent got separated from his group at a year 9 camp that he was able to negotiate his way around and back to the accommodation. He knew his way around!! The teachers were panicking but I said...he knows Melbourne, he will be ok and he was. He didnt panic either, just made his way to Carlton and got there on his own.
I think me working has been good for these kids. They are learning that they are responsible for their own stuff. ie, if the washing isnt in the laundry, it just doesnt get washed..bad luck. If you miss the bus, you have to catch the train, if you dont bring the note home, I cant chase it anymore, if they forget their hat (jack) they just dont play. It is time for the kids to step up to the plate, become more self reliant, and dont expect mum to be the fix all ills. It is a good thing and hopefully later on, when they realise that they can do it, they will thank me. I know I have thanked my mum over and over again for making me the self reliant individual that I am with a sense of can do.
Melinda had a major lesson in self reliance yesterday. She forgot her bus money and so couldnt get on the bus to school. She came wandering back, and then said, Mum can you drive me. I said sorry girl, but you will have to catch the train. The look on her face was pure horror.....Oh no, I couldnt. I said, yes and you will. When I dropped the others off at school, I pushed her out of the car and said..off you go at which she slammed the door and went off in a huff (teenagers!!) She got home after school with tales of "strange people" on the train..and how scared she was and that she had to walk up the hill to school...and that she was late....duhh. It was a major lesson for her in being responsible for herself. She was supposed to get the application for her new Myki card organised months ago....she still hasnt. She is paying the price for that. I think self reliance is the biggest thing we have to teach our kids and responsibility for their own actions. In these days, we cloister our kids so much. We drive them to the school gate, we pick them up and they go virtually nowhere without us. I honestly think it isn't doing them any favors. My sister was wrapped in cotton wool. She didnt even have one night away from her mum until she was 19. She had no idea how to catch a train, a bus or a tram. On the other hand, I was given a lot of freedom. At 7 I was opening the door for myself to an empty house, at 9 I was catching a train to Stawell on my own....having to change trains at Ballarat and I would ring Nana from the station when I arrived. When I went to work in Melbourne, it was 2nd nature to me to catch trams and get my way around. Nothing phased me. I have over the years caught the train with the kids heaps of times, just so they know how and take them to Melbourne and give them a map and say get us to the Museum taking a tram. I was really pleased when Brent got separated from his group at a year 9 camp that he was able to negotiate his way around and back to the accommodation. He knew his way around!! The teachers were panicking but I said...he knows Melbourne, he will be ok and he was. He didnt panic either, just made his way to Carlton and got there on his own.
I think me working has been good for these kids. They are learning that they are responsible for their own stuff. ie, if the washing isnt in the laundry, it just doesnt get washed..bad luck. If you miss the bus, you have to catch the train, if you dont bring the note home, I cant chase it anymore, if they forget their hat (jack) they just dont play. It is time for the kids to step up to the plate, become more self reliant, and dont expect mum to be the fix all ills. It is a good thing and hopefully later on, when they realise that they can do it, they will thank me. I know I have thanked my mum over and over again for making me the self reliant individual that I am with a sense of can do.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Goals
Its now day 3 of my 100 day challenge.
Now, if you have never heard of me talking of the 100 day challenge, it is a challenge to myself to live 100 days with intention. its easy to drift along in life, blaming everyone and everything but yourself for not achieving what you want to. Its easy to say, oh, I didnt do this because....or my lot in life precludes me from doing that. STOP.
Set the goals and break it down to little bits. Put the intention out into the universe and you will be amazed what happens.
My first 100 day challenge started in Dec 2007. At that stage, we had 4 kids living in a 13 square house....lets just say it was tiny cramped. I decided that I had to put it out there to move into a bigger house. We started working on the garden, then replaced the carpet. In my 2nd 100 day challenge which began in 1 March 2008, I really put it out there to find a house for us and to move. Within 10 days, a friend, real estate agent rang and said...Janine, you just have to come and look at this house again (we had seen it before but it was out of our price range). I came, and loved it just the same..Steve then came with me and loved it too. Then the crunch came.....could we really afford it. Being a mortgage broker, I did the sums....we couldnt quite make the asking price. Damn, so when the agent asked me, I said offhandedly, an offer of what we could afford with conditions of finance and the sale of our house.......The vendor accepted. OMG, it was such a shock. We had a month to sell our house. We got a storage shed, took all of our stuff out of the house to make it bigger and repainted. By the end of the Easter week, it was ready for inspection. The transformation amazed the real estate agent as she walked in the door......This isnt the same house she said. This is amazing. Prospective buyers filtered in. We had the house sold over our asking price within 24 hours!!We were on the move!!
I find when I live life with intention......amazing things happen...you may ask, why I don't it all the time. I find it draining sometimes. The constant pressure to make a difference every single day wears me down. If I did it all the time, I would get lazy and ambivalent. I usually do 3 per year....and try to follow it through to the end.
So again, My goals for this 100 days_
1. I have become a non-smoker again
2. I weigh 10kg less
3. I am successful in my new job and new opportunites have arisen from my success
4. I have accessed help for Stephanie and now get more respite care, more therapy and more medical treatment to help her overcome her bowel issues and speech issues
5. We have a solid and very loving relationship full of fun and enjoyment
6. I live consciously
7. I am more creative fulfilling both sides of my personality and have created some pieces which I am very proud of
8. We own another house
9. OUr vegetable garden is producing fresh brocoli, carrots and spinach
I find its better to ask for the results instead of being wishy washy, ie, instead of I will, its I have, I am, I own. It not up to my will, its up to the universe now.
Now, if you have never heard of me talking of the 100 day challenge, it is a challenge to myself to live 100 days with intention. its easy to drift along in life, blaming everyone and everything but yourself for not achieving what you want to. Its easy to say, oh, I didnt do this because....or my lot in life precludes me from doing that. STOP.
Set the goals and break it down to little bits. Put the intention out into the universe and you will be amazed what happens.
My first 100 day challenge started in Dec 2007. At that stage, we had 4 kids living in a 13 square house....lets just say it was tiny cramped. I decided that I had to put it out there to move into a bigger house. We started working on the garden, then replaced the carpet. In my 2nd 100 day challenge which began in 1 March 2008, I really put it out there to find a house for us and to move. Within 10 days, a friend, real estate agent rang and said...Janine, you just have to come and look at this house again (we had seen it before but it was out of our price range). I came, and loved it just the same..Steve then came with me and loved it too. Then the crunch came.....could we really afford it. Being a mortgage broker, I did the sums....we couldnt quite make the asking price. Damn, so when the agent asked me, I said offhandedly, an offer of what we could afford with conditions of finance and the sale of our house.......The vendor accepted. OMG, it was such a shock. We had a month to sell our house. We got a storage shed, took all of our stuff out of the house to make it bigger and repainted. By the end of the Easter week, it was ready for inspection. The transformation amazed the real estate agent as she walked in the door......This isnt the same house she said. This is amazing. Prospective buyers filtered in. We had the house sold over our asking price within 24 hours!!We were on the move!!
I find when I live life with intention......amazing things happen...you may ask, why I don't it all the time. I find it draining sometimes. The constant pressure to make a difference every single day wears me down. If I did it all the time, I would get lazy and ambivalent. I usually do 3 per year....and try to follow it through to the end.
So again, My goals for this 100 days_
1. I have become a non-smoker again
2. I weigh 10kg less
3. I am successful in my new job and new opportunites have arisen from my success
4. I have accessed help for Stephanie and now get more respite care, more therapy and more medical treatment to help her overcome her bowel issues and speech issues
5. We have a solid and very loving relationship full of fun and enjoyment
6. I live consciously
7. I am more creative fulfilling both sides of my personality and have created some pieces which I am very proud of
8. We own another house
9. OUr vegetable garden is producing fresh brocoli, carrots and spinach
I find its better to ask for the results instead of being wishy washy, ie, instead of I will, its I have, I am, I own. It not up to my will, its up to the universe now.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Hey Stevo, we pulled it off again......somehow
When I got up this morning, I fully intended to cancel out on a family barbeque for Stef's birthday. I just felt it was too hard, the house was a total mess, the washing for the week hadnt been done and I had nothing prepared. I was going to wimp out....no such luck though. My mum rang and had made a pav. Couldnt back out of it now hey. I worked like a slave for an hour and a half on cleaning the disgusting house up, washed most of the floors, cleaned the vital rooms and then got on with preparing. By 12 we were organised. Steve and I work as an amazing team...we really do. While I was cleaning, he went shopping for a new dryer and then the food we needed. Between us, we put on a great barbeque, with yummy ceasar and spring salads, great dips (home made of course)and birthday cake. We pulled it off........as per usual and in the great style that we would usually do. We really do look like graceful swans, buyt under the water, our feet are churrning away at the water nothing like graceful. Everyone had a good day......one filled with family fellowship, lots of talking and an appreciation of family. Sometimes I really feel that the times we have family barbeques are the glue that keeps the extended family close. I know my dad loved them too....and often said that without my kids birthday's the family wouldnt get together from one year to the next. Something worth fighting for. The last one he attended was Jacks birthday....May last year. All of us were there, and it was a wonderful day with awesome memories. I know he is here in spirit on these days....he is here.
Tonight, I am gradually getting through the washing, and working while other stuff gets dry. We will make it, fully prepared for the crazy week ahead. Babysitter is organised for the week so I can devote my mind to my new job. I am ready for the challenge ahead~~
Tonight, I am gradually getting through the washing, and working while other stuff gets dry. We will make it, fully prepared for the crazy week ahead. Babysitter is organised for the week so I can devote my mind to my new job. I am ready for the challenge ahead~~
Always too much to do...never the time
Was talking to a friend yesterday. Or really she was complaining how bored she was! I sat back on my heels and had a think...I havent felt bored for years. I wouldnt know what boredom was!! I know, I have a lot of work to do, but even in a quiet moment there is still stuff I love to do whenever I get the chance. I have a few projects on the go. There is always a book I am hanging out to read. I am a vorocious reader. I love the escape that a good book gives me. I love music and love to dance like no one is watching. I usually do that at least once a day....it loosens up the muscles and keeps all the bits moving...even if it is just one song. I have a vegetable garden out the back which I love to work in. It reminds me a lot of my dad. Its a place where I feel close to him. I love to design and sew, but havent got around to this for a while...I also make jewellery. So, where would I find time to be bored.
I have the family coming for lunch for Stef's Birthday today....OMG, I had such a busy day yesterday, the house is a pigsty and I have made nothing. LOL..the adrenaline starts to pump and I am out of here. Quick shower, hit the work, make a list and get stuff for lunch, READY SET GOO!!!!!!
I have the family coming for lunch for Stef's Birthday today....OMG, I had such a busy day yesterday, the house is a pigsty and I have made nothing. LOL..the adrenaline starts to pump and I am out of here. Quick shower, hit the work, make a list and get stuff for lunch, READY SET GOO!!!!!!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Quitting smoking, carers day, Stef and other stuff
Hanging out to get rid of the physical withdrawls of smoking. I try not to say giving up smoking because really Im giving up nothing except for a crappy habbit which is making me sick, costs a fortune and is such a negative on my fitness, relationships and health.
The first day sucks....in fact the first week sucks. Its like having this monster that gnaws at your soul. In lots of ways its call is so loud that all you feel is this screaming monster trying to tell you to feed him. I call him the nicodemon. I know that the less I feed him, the smaller he becomes and after a while his call becomes a mere whisper to only be heard in quiet moments ususally during stress.
My most successful quit lasted 4 years...I felt free for the first time since I was 15......I lost that quit while my dad was dying of cancer. The stress was high, the exposure to cigarettes was high, and emotionally I was just holding on. It was such a tough time. I hated that I had the first one, but what I really hated is it then became a crutch again......the nicodemon got strong again.....and I became as weak as shit.
Right now, I feel like a beaten woman who is a bit like Rocky.....training my head to say NO WAY, whatever it takes. With each hour, I feel a strength returning to my muscles slowly but surely.....I am getting stronger and with the strength of my higher power, yeah I will make it...I just have to believe that something stronger than myself will come through and will give me power to get through the next day. One second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time.
I know I have to go back to a 12 step program to beat it. There is strength in numbers and giving service to others will help me in my own struggle. What really sucks about smoking as an addiction is that its perfectly legal, although becoming socially unacceptalbe...people dont take it serious enough as an addiction afterall it kills more people world wide than any illegal drug, it costs more to society and more to governments., more to families and more to addicts.
Anyway...enough focussing on my dreaded cravings.
Today I went to a carer's day. In Victoria alone there are 760,000 people who care for those who are sick or disabled ( I hate that disabled word by the way.......special needs is so much more acceptable) Basically, we get nowhere near enough help. If you are unable to work due to your carer role, you get a pension which is pitiful...even with Stef we only get $50 a week.....hell, she breaks more than that in a week, not to mention the food wastage when she pours it out and shampoo that she has poured on the floor, the broken furniture, the nappies and doctors bills. Also, there is no distiction between a child with minor disability to one who is fully reliant on the carer. We all get the same.
Anyway, Tracy Bartram was the speaker......She was great, very funny. Its great to hear someone who takes the lighter side of things.....with almost a black humor. I can see that in myself. I often laugh instead of cry...try to see the silver lining or the laugh in the shit that happens in our life. I remember one day skipping up and down our carpetted hall in our old house, kicking up the water that flooded the floor and signing at the top of my voice "Im singin in the rain, just singing in the rain".....If anyone had been watching they would have thought Id finally flipped my lid......but no, it was my way of coping with a situation that totally overwhelmed me until I had the ability to look not at the problem but the solution. You know, when I try to remember Brent's early years, all I can remember is the humor.....the rest is just too painful to remember. I really have to concentrate hard to remember anything about those years.
It was great to talk to other carers. Most of them were those nursing the elderly. In some ways they have it easier.....eventually it will end for them and they will get back some form of normality in their live...Normal is something I may never know again...our lives will never be simple...always more complicated than our peers..richer sometimes yes...never simple. In some ways thats what I mourn the most....the simplicity. Most people never take any notice of it until that simplicity is taken away.......Its the safe knowledge that evenutally the children will grow up, grow more independent until they eventually fly the nest. Stef will never fly the nest......always here.......and we just have to adjust. Thats life.
Whats scares me most about the future is the lack of investment in the future of special needs people in Australia. They are building no new residential facilities for these kids, and yet the need will be there. Its a whim of the government of the day to keep our kids safe from harm that will give them a roof over their head...It scares the shits out of me. Hense my goal to have a good passive income gained from tangible property. Eventually it would be good to build a specially adapted house which will provide accommodation for 5-6 young adults, and have the passive income to provide the required 24/7 supervision. Its not impossible..a challenge, yes, but one which will guarantee our girl's future and happiness. We've just gotta believe!
They talked a lot about how to stay sane in all of this.....most people really have no idea, but it turns out I have been doing the things for a long time. Meditation, letting go of resentments, journalling, taking time out to do things you enjoy and not isolating. I do them all daily....I realise now how far I have come on our journey.....I am happy.
The first day sucks....in fact the first week sucks. Its like having this monster that gnaws at your soul. In lots of ways its call is so loud that all you feel is this screaming monster trying to tell you to feed him. I call him the nicodemon. I know that the less I feed him, the smaller he becomes and after a while his call becomes a mere whisper to only be heard in quiet moments ususally during stress.
My most successful quit lasted 4 years...I felt free for the first time since I was 15......I lost that quit while my dad was dying of cancer. The stress was high, the exposure to cigarettes was high, and emotionally I was just holding on. It was such a tough time. I hated that I had the first one, but what I really hated is it then became a crutch again......the nicodemon got strong again.....and I became as weak as shit.
Right now, I feel like a beaten woman who is a bit like Rocky.....training my head to say NO WAY, whatever it takes. With each hour, I feel a strength returning to my muscles slowly but surely.....I am getting stronger and with the strength of my higher power, yeah I will make it...I just have to believe that something stronger than myself will come through and will give me power to get through the next day. One second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time.
I know I have to go back to a 12 step program to beat it. There is strength in numbers and giving service to others will help me in my own struggle. What really sucks about smoking as an addiction is that its perfectly legal, although becoming socially unacceptalbe...people dont take it serious enough as an addiction afterall it kills more people world wide than any illegal drug, it costs more to society and more to governments., more to families and more to addicts.
Anyway...enough focussing on my dreaded cravings.
Today I went to a carer's day. In Victoria alone there are 760,000 people who care for those who are sick or disabled ( I hate that disabled word by the way.......special needs is so much more acceptable) Basically, we get nowhere near enough help. If you are unable to work due to your carer role, you get a pension which is pitiful...even with Stef we only get $50 a week.....hell, she breaks more than that in a week, not to mention the food wastage when she pours it out and shampoo that she has poured on the floor, the broken furniture, the nappies and doctors bills. Also, there is no distiction between a child with minor disability to one who is fully reliant on the carer. We all get the same.
Anyway, Tracy Bartram was the speaker......She was great, very funny. Its great to hear someone who takes the lighter side of things.....with almost a black humor. I can see that in myself. I often laugh instead of cry...try to see the silver lining or the laugh in the shit that happens in our life. I remember one day skipping up and down our carpetted hall in our old house, kicking up the water that flooded the floor and signing at the top of my voice "Im singin in the rain, just singing in the rain".....If anyone had been watching they would have thought Id finally flipped my lid......but no, it was my way of coping with a situation that totally overwhelmed me until I had the ability to look not at the problem but the solution. You know, when I try to remember Brent's early years, all I can remember is the humor.....the rest is just too painful to remember. I really have to concentrate hard to remember anything about those years.
It was great to talk to other carers. Most of them were those nursing the elderly. In some ways they have it easier.....eventually it will end for them and they will get back some form of normality in their live...Normal is something I may never know again...our lives will never be simple...always more complicated than our peers..richer sometimes yes...never simple. In some ways thats what I mourn the most....the simplicity. Most people never take any notice of it until that simplicity is taken away.......Its the safe knowledge that evenutally the children will grow up, grow more independent until they eventually fly the nest. Stef will never fly the nest......always here.......and we just have to adjust. Thats life.
Whats scares me most about the future is the lack of investment in the future of special needs people in Australia. They are building no new residential facilities for these kids, and yet the need will be there. Its a whim of the government of the day to keep our kids safe from harm that will give them a roof over their head...It scares the shits out of me. Hense my goal to have a good passive income gained from tangible property. Eventually it would be good to build a specially adapted house which will provide accommodation for 5-6 young adults, and have the passive income to provide the required 24/7 supervision. Its not impossible..a challenge, yes, but one which will guarantee our girl's future and happiness. We've just gotta believe!
They talked a lot about how to stay sane in all of this.....most people really have no idea, but it turns out I have been doing the things for a long time. Meditation, letting go of resentments, journalling, taking time out to do things you enjoy and not isolating. I do them all daily....I realise now how far I have come on our journey.....I am happy.
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