New 100 day challenge! Live life the best you can with what you have!!

Ok, today I start a new 100 day challenge......A challenge to myself to live the next 100 days with intention. To set goals and to do something every day to achieve those goals. The end date is 18th December. My goals 1. To exercise every day....to do something deliberate to turn my body into the shrine it should be...It will be good for my weight, my mood and my overall health. 2. To keep on my no smoking status...its time to do this......it makes me feel crappy anyway, and also the extra money for travelling is a good thing. I want to do this....I am not promising anyone else, just me that my body deserves to be the best it can be. 3. To plan out my USA trip...to work out what things I really want to see. 4. To save all the money from not smoking!! 5. To spend more time with each of the kids doing things with them. Reinstate date days with Jack and Melinda. 6. Making sure I take stef for bike rides and walks each day to help keep her weight down. To work on Stef's communication both speech and typing on the IPAD. 7. To have at least 2 weekends away with everyone....have a look at funding these through Carer's Respite 8. To put in Stef's DHS application again. 9. To work on the house each day.....turning it into the paradise that it should be. Taking one room at a time each week and giving that room an overhaul. 14 weeks..14 rooms. 10. To spend time with Stevo and nurture our relationship so that it is strong. Make sure we have one weekend on our own...stay somewhere nice and have a massage or something. (smoking money can pay for this) 11. To get the vegetable garden running so that we can become self sufficient in vegetables and eggs. 12. To spend time on things I like to do like sewing and craftwork to give myself more balance in life. Today I aim to: get all the washing done, folded and put away..... To weed my vegetable garden To clean 4 rooms (our ensuite, Stef's bedroom, Kitchen and Lounge) To spend 30 minutes on the kids bathroom. To spend 2 hours designing and cutting out a dress To take stef for a walk Today I feel strong. I am starting to get used to the change of routine that not smoking has brought. I still have cravings, but they arent as strong as they have been on previous quits...maybe just maybe it was time. I am starting to feel healthier for sure. I know I am certainly much more mentally ready this time. Maybe too, because I came back from my trip so relaxed I am quite relaxed still about everything else. Now for getting our home to how I want it to be...organised, clean and stress free and also to take care of myself mentally and physically. Ready set go!!

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012

Day 9 Positano 4/8/2012 Oh what a beautiful town this really is. I woke early and decided I would walk up to the top this morning. Ate a huge breakfast of croissants and toast -i think the owners thought I was a pig..lol....the peach jam here is to die for. I found the police station to make my report, but they had ZERO english, but eventually got across the point that i had to go back to Capri to make my report as it was a different jurisdiction....Ce la vis, I was going back anyway. I started walking up the hill on the road....it was hot and a very long way....and the locals that I talked to thought I was mad. But I made it. Stopped for a water break about halfway and chatted to some Aussies.....they were from Shepparton...and knew the Townsends who we used to camp with at Beaufort every easter.....Its a truly small world!!! Onward and upward I trudged, but I made it, and the views were spectacular as were some of the sights I saw along the way. I find walking you see so much more...and quite frankly, if I didnt do the exercise I would gain so much weight here. It took me a good hour and a half to walk up and about 15 going down as I took the stairs downward. I took some amazing photos. Got back to the hotel and stood in the cold shower for about 10 minutes gasping as I had got so hot.....eventually though I started feeling so much better...sucked in at least 2 litres of water..went and found some lunch, a swim and then back to the room for a siesta before restaurant prep. Restaurant prep was good fun, the chef's had no english, but I told them what I was making in italian. They helped out making the two sauces, and were amazed by the gnocci, we set it out in the sun to dry with big gauze sheets over the top. I made one plate of each type for the owner, and he just kept saying wow, wow.....and did I want a job he even rushed to his mate next door with it. I also made two very large pavlovas...8 eggs, to be served with cream and lots of fresh fruit. The chefs were amazed at how easy my recipe is, and how light and crunchy it was. I think it will be on the menu from now on. I left the restaurant with 60 euro for my pleasure and a free meal later that night. By the time I ate at 10pm, there was no gnocci left....they had sold it all......5kg of it (they had put it on the specials board) and my desert had long gone. Wow, what a success it was. I ate on my own, reflective of my day, and then later at 1.30am met the chefs for drinks down at the pier...it was strange to be drinking with people who had zero english...but somehow, we understood each other and it was ok. Positano was very very safe.

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012

Day 8- Capri - Positano 3/8/2012 Ah, farewell to Capri, but I am coming back! Got up early and had a swim before breakfast, breakfast and shower. Turns out I was robbed while I was in the shower but didnt realise until I got down to the port to buy my ticket for the ferry and not one dollar was in my purse or my handbag..damn...fortunately though, they left all my cards and I recovered quickly. Went and got cash from an atm and caught my ferry to Positano as planned. Oh well, will have to report to Positano police. The ferry ride was beautiful, beers were cheap so I had one on the ferry over and chatted to some Oz backpackers....lovely girls. We made plans to meet up later at midnight at the pier as apparently they had the cheapest beer. I found my hotel easy enough....only a very short walk up steep steps from the port. Just as well I only had an overnight bag with me as the porters were charging 50euro to get bags from the port to hotels. My room was beautiful and very clean on the top floor of the hotel....more stairs and no lift...the staff (owners) were super helpful with everything. I found a local panini shop supermarket not far away...yum lunch..and they sold drinks as well...so bought half a dozen mojito breezers... some extra munchies and went back to the hotel for a while to get out of the afternoon sun. I wandered down the cool alleys and found a nice cool spot to sit and munch and watch the world go by. I chatted to a chef from a local restaurant, and was explaining about my cooking classes in Rome. He asked if maybe I could make gnocci and a desert he would talk to his boss about me doing some prep work in the restaurant......the boss said yes!! I asked for some 5kg of grungy potatoes to be cooked that day and let sit mashed in a colander overnight in the fridge. I went and swam at the beach (another rock garden) and it was a bit grungy as the beach was too close to where the ferries pulled in and you could smell the diesel sometimes. I enjoyed the cool water just the same and had a lovely chat with a couple from Arizona, David and Stephanie Johnson...more friends. We arranged to meet for dinner that night at a restaurant nearby...at 9.30. We went to a bar for a cocktail in the cool...yummy margarita and then i went back to my room for siesta and a couple of mojitos. Showered and got ready for dinner..Lovely meal....and it was nice to share conversation with new people. Was telling them about my beautiful family and showed some pictures. Brent's story made him have tears in his eyes..his nephew is 10 and has aspergers and mum and dad have basically given up as behaviourally he is very challenging (lol, and Brent wasnt at 10..he was a nightmare)...he said that I have given a story to tell them and to encourage them to keep on working with him. My motto is never give up! They said what a great marriage we truly have to give each other the space, to encourage each other so much and to work together as a real team, especially after 23 years..they just kept saying wow,..but what could I say but I am married to my best friend, my confident, my cheerleader and my lover. Unfortunately they arent on Facebook, but have an email address.....until we meet again my friends...and we will somewhere. I can't imagine me getting to the Arizona desert, but somewhere we will meet. What a day.

Day 7 Capri, one of the special days of my life

How to describe one of the most beautiful days I have had on this earth, apart from giving birth and getting married, this would have to be just one of the aha moments of my life. I woke up around 10.15am....a miracle in itself for me to sleep in!! Caught breakfast only just..and then decided I really needed to do something with my day. I booked a private boat tour around the island for 2pm. I needed cash, so I took the car to town. I found the bank easily enough, and had a quick browse and headed back to the room. Caught the boat tour at 2pm...Oh it was beautiful.....headed out clockwise around the island....the first stop was the green grotto....I swam through the cave and the boat met me on the other side. I hope the photos work out with the underwater camera I bought....wont know until I get it developed. The water was crystal clear, very deep and brilliant green. Guissepe was on the other side waiting for me with a rinse off, a towel and a glass of champagne. We took the boat further around to Anacapri....its where all the really private villas are..owned by so many famous people. They were just stunning. There are small Roman forts on every point.... He took me a bit further out and asked if I wanted to sunbathe..I said no, as I would burn, so he decided a massage instead...I think just to see me topless lol, oh but the massage was so good...nearly an hour of it..I was like butter....a proposition followed, but I was so good.... Another swim and we were off again around the island..the views were stunning. Lots of history including little holes where the Germans hid at the end of the war. The blue grotto was so interesting...you paid small boats to take you into the cave, you had to lay down in the boat as they dragged the boat into the cave through a hole just big enough for a boat to go through.....Inside was absolutely stunning......the cave was pitch black except for the brilliant iridescent blue water. I noticed signs outside that said swimming was strictly forbidden, but when the small boat picked me up from the Gui Gui, Guissepe told Giovani (an absolute gorgeously fit good looking italian) to look after his girl in Italian...so Giovani pulled the boat to the back of the cave to the Women's swimming pool, and I jumped in....I swam for about 5 minutes and it was strange to see your body lit up by the water....Inside the cave, all the boatmen were singing in amazing voices Oh so Maria....it was just such a surreal experience that I will remember forever. I tipped Giovani for the experience as he was so lovely..and on with the tour around the island. We stopped for another swim...this time Guiseppe joined me, I think he was having as much fun as I was, as we were jumping off the boat and laughing so much. More champagne, and a gradual cruise to Capri town...it looked beautiful from the water... Cruised around Fragiali Rocks....(they are the big ones you can see from my room) and more swimming...then cruised around the big yachts and small ships...suprisingly quite a few had Australian flags...Would love to know who owns them. Then we cruised back to the dock in front of my hotel. Guissepe gave me a parting kiss and told me that my husband was a very lucky man.....Now that was 120 euro well spent...an 1 1/2 hour tour that lasted 3 1/2. Went out for dinner to an amazing restaurant recommended to me by Megan Castran, Villa Verde. The food was wonderful, but also their was a really nice atmosphere. I have never seen a restaurant owner so active in building rapport with his guests. He even sat at my table for a couple of minutes to ask why I was alone. I explained that I was meeting Stevo in Paris next week and that circumstances didnt allow us long trips together. He was so lovely. I had deepfried mozzarella with caper and anchovy sauce, grilled spatchcock with mustard and vegetables and strawberry meringue tart...a couple of wines of course. A very special meal. As I was walking out the owner again came to say goodbye with a big hug and a until you return.... Oh what a wonderful day I had

Day 6 Capri-LOVE IT

Day 5 Capri Capri is just stunning..its water is crystal clear bright blue..and so pretty. This morning I woke up pretty energetic...wandered up to the gym at 6am and walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes and the exercise bike for 10 and then did some ab exercises. I'm so glad I did. The breakfast was beautiful....I had fresh fruit and the most deliciously fresh warm croissants.....then I decided I really needed some things....sunscreen and batteries for my camera mainly, so off to the piazza I went. I spent the whole morning wandering..I walked down to the the port and then back up to the piazza..through tiny lane ways Oh the fire station was so cute...they looked like fireman sam fire trucks. They are small electric trucks, small enough to get into at least most of the lane ways. There is only one road that goes down to the port and there is inches between the cars and trucks as they pass each other..I notice that a lot of them don't have mirrors any more lol. The rest of the town is narrow lanes...and electric carts are used for deliveries. You don't see any fat locals......they walk everywhere. Old women struggling with their bags of groceries through the steep lane ways. I shopped for hours..not that I bought anything...will go back later maybe to pick up a souvenir or two...I bought a shirt to go over my bathers....being a redhead, I just can't sit in the sun, even though here, I dont seem to get burnt. Everyone seems to be wearing these beautiful sparkly sandals......lol, at 100-150 euro a pair....I think I won't be buying those. Of course being a pretty wealthy resort, there are all the designers shops, Prada, channel etc..saw the most beautiful pair of bathers, and tried them on..but at 475 euro......I dont think so lol. I got lost again....haha, I really must remember to pick up maps and wandered for an hour or so..but found a shop with the most delicious big cherries and fresh peaches ...yum ....lunch. Finally found my way back to the piazza and caught a lift back to the hotel. I sat around all afternoon chilling..a swim or two in the pool, and just relaxed. Didnt really talk to anyone, just chilled on my own, enjoying my own company. I decided to just eat in the hotel so I wandered upstairs and had pizza and salad. I can never finish half of the plate as it is so much...and so cheap 14 euro for my entire meal....This has been the most expensive hotel booked for my trip, but the cheapest on food and drink for sure so it averages out at the same per day really. Oh and the eye candy around here for us girls is just stunning. Have a Richard Gere look alike in the room 3 doors up....he is the most stunning looking man (oh and single)..perhaps all my single friends should come here instead of bali, believe me, the men are so much nicer looking. I will try to get a photo of him later...ooh la la. I have been so well behaved on this trip Stevo..no Frenchmen this time lol, just a lot of perving. Still deciding what to do about Naples...Maybe come back here after positano. and do Pompei tour from here instead and catch the earliest ferry to naples on the last day to catch the train to Florence.....means i lose the prepaid accommodation in Naples, but I think I would be safer somehow.

Travelling ( a little long, but an interesting day)

Day 4 Travelling. It was sad to leave the hotel this morning. The staff have been so wonderful...we shared lots of laughs..and long conversations especially the night concierge Maurice who kept me company when I couldnt sleep. The breakfast waiter was a very sweet young man..he presented me with a goody bag for my travels, kissed me on the cheek and said he would look us up when he got to Australia. It is his dream to step on Australian soil. Inside the goody bag was fresh peaches, fresh pears, figs, apricots, bottled water and a napkin stolen from the hotel. I got back to my room with tears in my eyes for his thoughtfulness. Its amazing what a cheery "hello Antonio" can do and a conversation about his goals and plans for the future man he will be (he was the same age as Brent).....I obviously touched his life somehow, as he has mine. Maurice cried when he finished his shift and hugged me like a long lost sister. Virginia and I (the day concierge) had a huge belly laugh at the menu...Octopussy stewed with tomato and olives....She presented me with a souvenir menu...and the manager who was english when he was told had the biggest belly laugh about it too......I think its the last time Octopussy is on the menu somehow. When I left, I just felt like I was leaving good friends behind... The taxi driver on the way to the station was busy practicing his English on me and ended up turning off the meter half way there. The same taxi driver as I had before. He came within 10 minutes of the call from the hotel..Sweet.. I have found my italian is so much better than it was...I understand quite a lot. And speak a little too. OMG, the station was an experience....managed to buy my ticket in Italian, and ask which platform and time..10 minutes before the train was due to leave....platform change announced only in italian...I thanked my lucky stars that I could understand a little. My seat was booked on the train and when I got to it, someone else was sitting there....I even managed to ask him what his seat number was as it was my seat...turned out he was wrong carriage. I traveled sitting next to a Englishman who is in shipping for DHL, travelling on business. We chatted the whole way about business and life in general I would have perhaps got his name and number but he asked me out for dinner at the end....at which I said, but you know I am married, thats ok he said....not for me Pal, Stevo awaits..... Got off the train at Naples....thieves and homeless beggars everywhere. Really had to watch myself. This woman came up with a young child in a pram...oh please give me some money my bambino is hungry.....I pretended not to understand, and when I turned to ask a well dressed businessman next to me for a light...she called me a bitch...you understand you bitch she said to me...I fired back in Italian, sorry, but I dont give a shit. I do not give money to beggars with packets of cigarettes in their hands if their kids are hungry or not..priorities. I know I would do anything for my babies...and not pinch them to make them cry for strangers. Another guy came up to me to try to get me to buy something...he worked in a group and I could see them coming on either side...I turned away to protect my bag and as I did so I screwed my heel into his foot. Lets just say I then got a cab as quickly as I could....unfortunately he was a thief also.....the meter must have already been running and I was stung....when I argued the price, he said, but no...definitely am going to watch myself when I go back to Naples....in fact I wish I didnt have to...but to see Vesuvius only and pompei..thankfully only three nights...One night when I travel from positano, one day at vesuvius and and pompei, one day relaxing and I am out of there.......thank goodness for getting a 5 star hotel for this bit. It was so different to Rome and I just felt so on edge and very aware that as a female on my own i am more vulnerable. Got the Ferry to Capri and stood outside on the deck the whole way...it was so good to feel the salt spray in your face and the inside smelled a bit of diesel which I know makes me feel yuck, so I was far better. I definitely have sea legs, everyone else out there were staggering and i just rolled with it...I guess growing up around boats has me very used to it. It was so nice to feel cool after it being so warm in Rome and Naples. I landed in Capri and its like a totally differennt world... got a cab at the ferry terminal to my hotel, it cost 27 euro.....ouch, but the driver said to me, if I need a lift up the hill from now on, and i see him down the hill he will take me for nothing.......he also offered a tour of the island for nothing tomorrow. He seemed very genuine and usually I am a very good pick of character. I will ask about him at the hotel first though. I got to my hotel, and its truly everything I dreamed of.......welcome cocktail ..at the bar...friendly staff and when I got to my room, I could have cried, it is just so clean welcoming and beautiful with my own little courtyard with sunlounges and table overlooking the most incredible view, spa bath in my bathroom and pool about 40 steps down and the room was so cool with the air conditioning. I think thats why they get you to have a drink in the bar, to get the room cool before you get to it.......wow...I am pinching myself...I am in a dream...it makes up for all the trials of my day. just amazing, special and everything I could have hoped for. Oh by the way I overlook brad and angies yacht and sophia lorens house.. I will take photos when I get new batteries for the camera this evening. Oh and the drinkies are so cheap here at the hotel..5 Euro for a cocktail and 3 for a vino, 3 for an italian beer or 4 for imported!!! Met another lovely couple from Perth who I will have dinner with tonight, and another couple on their honeymoon from Peurto Rico...hey stevo, we have friends to stay with now in South America...Something tells me this is my dream!! And to my beautiful friend Megan Castran...thankyou for showing me the goal I was seeking and the guts to get there!!

Last day in Roma

Day 3 Rome What to do today.....spanish steps and Trevi fountain I think...not too much rushing around. I will walk into town after a delicious big breakfast. Had breakfast with the director of drama in Victorian schools and his lovely wife and son. He was amazed that the waiter automatically bought me two cappuchino, one when I walked in, and another about 15 minutes later...no need to ask. No drinking american style coffee for this black duck. I guess appreciation for people works wonders in this town. I thanked on my first day for such a lovely coffee....from then on he brings one on a smile. He said in broken English....australians are genuine, when they smile, they smile from the heart and I guess that is so true. The europeans seem to smile, but you dont really know what they are thinking....in that we are so different. The cab driver yesterday gave me his number, and to call whenever I need a cab. His charges are a little less than most of them...his cost 10 euro from the station, the others 13 or 14 euro... NOt sure how far I will walk today, huge blisters on my feet from yesterday...any way, on with the day. I saw the pantheon and Trevi fountain today....then the heat was just so oppressive that I decided enough!! Had a siesta, a swim and then went to get lunch where the locals seem to go ....yum, Pizza bought by the 100g and so cheap it was ridiculous...3Euro got me 2 slices of pizza of different kinds and a coke....and the taste of it was just awesome!! Bludged around most of the afternoon in the pool bar sipping vino and chatting to different people..met a lovely couple from Belgium who I have promised to visit and to keep in touch...really lovely people. So now....its 5.40pm, still so hot outside, so will go for another swim and then into the Spanish Steps for a meal at a restaurant that has been recommended...its the only site that I have really missed and wanted to see, so I will make the effort! Off to Capri in the morning....Train to Naples then ferry to Capri

Day 2 Rome

Day 2 Rome I woke very early, and had breakfast on my own upstairs and then hit the pavement....walked through the park and down to the river and grabbed a coffee in a local street cafe. Met this amazing girl from Lithuania who lives in Rome. Bonnie-you may have met her...she is advocating for open access of research particularly medical research in libraries. Unfortunately I forget her name and so can't add her on facebook, but somehow I am sure we will meet again. We had a very long conversation about how difficult it is for developing countries to get the research material and how expensive it is. She applauds Australia in our open access of publicly funded research and mentioned your university in particular. I explained about my kids and how I have and still do research into different things about autism and treatment programs. And that there are mothers out there that do read the papers and understand them and pass information on to other families.....she said I would make a great advocate for Open access. I decided to walk to see the sights.....oMG, I walked and walked and walked. Oh and a little shopping. I went into one dress shop, and they looked after me like a princess. If I didnt try on 30 pieces of clothing...found some beautiful clothes, so I lashed out on 5 nice ones....a couple of dresses, a pair of comfortable sandles, a skirt and two tops. Its so unlike me. (I was told not to shop for clothes on the coast as they are so much more expensive, and here is the end of summer sales) I bought another couple of dresses in another shop. Im set now for a new wardrobe for summer.. I walked and walked and walked some more, and then took a touro bus just for a rest. It was 36 oC and I was starting to feel it. Oh there was an explosion in the square near the place where italy was declared a nation while I was there.......silly tourists ran towards it, me, I walked the other way...apparently there is a very quiet war against tourists happening and it is kept very quiet so that people dont stop coming here. protests around information booths and things. Stupido italians who dont realise that their country needs tourists in order to survive the economic crisis they are facing. Look at me for example, I come to their country, I stay in the hotel, I eat at local restaurants, and choose locally grown food. I shop for clothes, choosing only those made in Italy...I buy shoes made in italy, and then I catch taxi.....without tourists, unemployment would be through the roof. Small businesses would not survive. Once again I got lost...my orientation here is pathetic....and ended up way on the other side of the old city....taxi again.....I just couldnt contemplate how to get a bus from there to the hotel. I would have walked 10-15km plus some for the day. Sat in the pool bar for a while, and chatted online to MJ..naughty girl...2am on a school night.....and messaged the Melbourne couple I met at cooking class. We ended up going out for dinner (very cheap..$20 each) and it was lovely. We then walked the city, seeing some of the sights by night..the coloseum, pyramid etc.. Had to be a little street wise as there were lots of hawkers and suspicious looking people around...everytime one approached I would say no not interested before they even got close....I am not nice to these people. You just dont know who is going to rip you off or pull a knife...so you just never let them get close. I left Ivy and wayne and caught a cab back to the hotel.....sore and tired feet with blisters, and bed beckoned. It was a lovely evening with great company..I am sure we will catch up when we get home.

Day 1 Rome

Day 1 Rome Woke up at 7am, went for breakfast and then thought, I must find out where the cooking classes are. 9.30am, I was still mucking around working out where I was and where I needed to be for my class at 10am. I was starting to panic that I didnt really know how far it was...how long the blocks were....walking out the gate, happened upon a cab. Terrific!! 10 euro well spent to get there on time. Got to the class just on time, I think I was the second last there. The class was awesome! Very hands on, and my children and Stevo are in for a treat of home made gnocci so much better than before. The starters we made were figs with gorgonzolla and marscipan cheese mix and walnut, and the other was some other sort of cheese...will check what sort when I get my email from Andrea.....and honey.....So yummy. They were baked in the oven. I have never really eaten figs before, but they are definitely on my menu now. They were sweet and creamy with the cheese melted through them. Next we made home made gnocci with 4 cheese sauce. My kids are in for such a treat....the gnocci was so much better than I have ever made, and the kids will love it!! Going to buy my potatoes in bulk now so can get the nice old wrinkly ones.....or maybe ask lou to keep the throw out ones for me. We used very little flour because the potato was so gluey being old and so they were much nicer. Very light and the sauce just clung to them so well..definitely will be making them this way at home. Oh and the raw gnocci freezes well......so a quick meal if I make a load properly and freeze them. Andrea was so helpful. The next thing we cooked was saltin bucca......translation, beef that skips to your mouth...so simple and yummy. it was thin slices of beef around an inch wide, layered with a slice of cheese (will have to get it from the email, then a slice of prosueto and then folded, and skewered with a sage leaf. You cook it first with the sage side down and then turn and cook it on the other.....the cheese melts making a nice sauce in the bottom of the pan...so yummy and so simple. We then made an eggplant lasagne with a fresh tomato sauce..yummy too. Next we made the best lemon custard......very smooth and velvety...my arm was so sore the next day from stirring so much, but oh my it was worth it. We teamed this with peaches which we caramelised in brown sugar and then brandy. yumm The other people at the class were so lovely, I met new friends....and heard some amazing stories of life. I think thats what it is when you meet people, its important to hear their stories to gather what and who they are. I hope to remain friends with 4 or 5 of them for a very long time to come. One couple lived in South Melbourne, a lovely young couple..very career driven..one day they will change, like we have where career although is satisfying, other things in life become more important...I guess its what happens when you watch friends pass on, you reassess what truly makes you happy. Its nice to hear how excited they are about their jobs and career progression, but for me, i have made other choices in life, and I found satisfaction in that. My kids especially. Another lady was in her late 50s.......they lived as expats in thailand for many years, and when she traveled home to switzerland to be with her dying mother, he found someone new, after 35 years of marriage, she found herself alone and having to start again. It was interesting to hear of her struggle to rebuild herself and what life is like for her now. Another girl was my age, american, and 7 years ago, she was running her own business in Chicago, but the stress was huge and one day, she said enough, and changed her life, now she lives in rome and has done for 7 years. Amazing change of life. She works at a school...not sure what sort. There was also a brit living in rome for the last 15 years....her story was interesting too. She said that rome was very racist expecially towards expats like herself and she was saying how difficult it was to get police to listen when things go wrong. Andrea and his lovely wife were just beautiful....and helped with so much practical advice, not only in the kitchen, but also where to go for great food at good prices. I will definitely recommend this to anyone travelling overseas on their own.....grab a cooking class!! We sat down and ate our beautiful meal as a group.....so yummy and such great company, along with 4 glasses of wine, well, I was a bit light headed and very full when we left. I decided to walk back to my hotel.....got lost so many times. It was extremely hot so I drank water by the gallon....and the hill was very steep..and roads would suddenly end up in steps..but eventually I hit the top after walking for 2 hours, and the view was breathtaking....oh and I saw a lovely italian wedding. By the time I got to the hotel, all I could think of was drinking heaps and cooling down in the pool, and sleep.......so a very early night, 8.30pm and I was asleep!

I'm on my way

Gee 14 hour flights can drag on! The last 2 hours seemed to go forever! 6 hour stopover in Doah now! At least I can have a smoke....might even give up with the flight coming home..a 24 hour head start will help. It was a pretty good flight...attendants were great. Lots of offers for water and food if you were awake. I managed to get a seat in the middle, 3 seats all to myself, so I stretched out and had a good 6 or 7 hours sleep. Watched a couple of movies-The Hotel one about the oldies going to India and Hunger games. I enjoyed both of them, but hunger games a little more so. Then I watched a globetrotter episode about London. It bought back some great memories of my travels last year and what an awesome time I had. The food was very very tasty....Qantas could learn some lessons from these guys I reckon. Hit Doah at 6am local time, and its already 36oC!! Terminal is cool, but the bus was stuffy and getting off the plane on the tarmac it was like walking into a fan forced oven. Right now, I miss Stevo, and miss my kids. The travel part is a bit daunting on my own, but once I am sight seeing and cooking I won't feel it as much. It just hits like a ton of bricks that I am on my own and I am just so not used to ever being that.

Ringing school today to cancel meeting

I am ringing the school today to cancel the meeting tomorrow. They are not going to be happy, but under advice by the rights advocate I am not to meet them on my own. I dont trust myself right now to go.....the school stacks the meetings with parents with 3 or 4 of them versus one parent, so parents generally cave in to what the school wants which is usually an easier life for them and detrimental to the child. I will not be railroaded into regressing my child just for their easy life. Its sad, since stef has been there full time for two years I have seen huge regression. She is losing so much...her ability to write, her ability to count and her ability to speak. It tears me apart, but I am now at a loss as to what to do about it. Do I pull her out and drive her to werribee everyday or is homeschooling an option. I just hate this school so much for what they are not doing for her. It seems all they are interested in is bowel issues and now I have proved it is only there pure laziness that is causing it. For two days now, I have got stef up at 5.30am, so she can have breakfast by 6, which gives me 10 minutes an hour after her breakfast to toilet her. She goes and is happy...All I ask of the school is to give her 10 or 15 minutes on the toilet at 9am when she gets off the bus. Instead, they insist on not spending that time, and instead take her 6 times during the day....if they did the job just once, they wouldnt need to take her 6 times....ridiculous stupid people...grrr. It causes stef undue stress, not to mention the amount of washing she brings home as they change every piece of clothing each time. I have not seen any piece of paper with Stefs name written on it by her.....nor any numbers. I get her to do it here but how can I do in half an hour what a school is supposed to do in 6. I just feel sick in the guts about this.....this is sad, and its so so wrong.

The big guns are loaded

Decided to get the big guns loaded. Here we have a Disability Rights Advocate, so I decided to call them in. They were horrified at what the school is suggesting about putting Stef in nappies and a one piece suit. When I told them the school was quoting occupational health and safety at me, they said, sorry, but human rights comes first and foremost legally. They were horrified that the school tried to ring Stef's doctor to talk to them about Stef as it abuses her right to medical privacy. And they were incredulous about the school demanding meetings with parents and then having 4 representatives for them against one parent. I will win this.. The school is just being lazy about how they are toileting ..not leaving stef on long enough to go, and not cleaning up properly is just causing all these issues. They want to make the job easy for them to the detriment of my girl and its just not happening that way......over my dead body. I get tired of having to fight so hard in all the stuff like this.....feeling exhausted but just have to keep on fighting for my kids no matter what.

Toileting issues and lazy schools

Im really pissed off right now....had a phone call from the assistant principal or was it the acting principal about Stef's toileting issues....demanding a meeting at their convenience...ha, not available. What I am really pissed about is that they want to put Stef in a nappy (after 6years without one) and want to put her in a one piece suit so that she cant put her hands in her pants when she is soiled. What I am angry about is at home she is essentially pretty clean..which means they are being lazy about her toileting..not leaving her on the toilet long enough, and certainly not wiping her properly. Basically they are wanting her to regress to make it easier for themselves.....well sorry, but its against human rights to put her in a one piece suit guys, and it happens over my dead body. Nor am I going to put her in nappies because you are understaffed and too lazy...f%$&^ You! This morning I have skipped gym so I can get stef bathed and breakfasted an hour early in the hope that I can time it so she will go before she leaves home. You see the whole problem is that stef goes about 1-1 1/2 hours after breakfast.....now that puts it normally at 9am when she gets to school..if they took the time to let her go properly then and wiped her properly their whole issue would go away....but no.....they complain instead about continuous soiling (wouldnt happen if they let her go) and touching ...derr, poo on the vag is irritating ...honestly...if they just did the job properly. If they dont have enough staff (two for 10 kids, 1 who is allowed to toilet then they shouldnt be downgrading the kids disabilities when they are applying for funding. Stef was funded at level 2 (brent was funded at level 3) ...way too low for what she is not capable of doing and so the school misses out on staff. She is now at level 4 because I fought it and got it reassessed...the extra funding has not gone into extra staff or help for stef, but straight into the school coffers... Ah the battles that we face all the time are ridiculous! The system is all about them.....not the kids or their education...

What makes a happy kid?

I was asked by someone yesterday what truly makes a kid happy? After a bit of consideration I came up with the following answer. Lots of love, lots of affection, support for the person who they are becoming and stability so that they know what is coming next but majorly to feel that they are important in their parents lives regardless of other circumstances. I live by those paramaters....they are probably not all there with my own mum, or at least not until later in life, but I feel that my own kids have all of these things and I hope and know that they all appreciate it in their own ways. Wednesday night, Melinda said, oh I need to dress up as a superhero for school on Friday....OMG, left to the last minute again...I went into supermum mode, hit the sewing machine and the shops, and came up with a really good costume. Lets just say that MJ feels the love, that she is important in my life and that if I can make something possible to make her happy I will. Its not about money, but its about making sure your kids know that you put them first at least sometimes. Today she is going off to school all dressed up, feeling as proud as punch of a great costume, but also knowing that mum loves her just so much. Makes me feel so good. She looks at other friends families and says they are missing something.....our home might not be the tidiest all the time, but its a warm and loving home, full of laughter, full of support and most of all full of love. I think Steve and I can be so proud of that.

Watch out world, Im feeling full of energy

I have been to gym this morning and I'm totally full of energy this morning. Looking forward to a new gym workout as this one is now too easy. I am getting a lot fitter can do the cardio work no problem now...and they have made that harder already. I still cant run, probably not ever as its just too hard on my knees, but I am walking on an incline at a pretty rapid pace. Definitely going in to buy the new CSIRO book..its a great balanced diet with heaps of protein for muscles. I found with Jenny Craig, that there was not enough protein to maintain my muscle mass. I found that at gym I just didnt have the strength that I do now or the amount of energy. Looking forward to new recipes! Work today...got a lot to do, but it makes the day fly by.. Ready set go, the day has begun and the morning rush is beginning.

Gym assessment and other stuff

I had a gym assessment, finally! I joined the gym back in July, but because I have been going spasmodically, we only just got around to doing a new assessment. Slack I know, but because I usually go in first thing in the morning, I tend not to get around to it. Anyway, I am about 1.2 kg heavier, but...and a big but is that my skinfolds and measurements are all down significantly. The gym instructor thinks that I have a significantly larger amount of lean muscle rather than fat. He is just doing me up a new workout....and he's leaving out the eliptical as it inflames my knee. I have a loose medial ligament and a torn cartilage. Eventually it will have to get fixed, but not until after Italy and after I get some more weight off. Today Brent finally finished an assignment that was due Tuesday last week. Have given him so many lectures about keeping up and if he can't he should go to the disability office. Hope he listens. 3 weeks until exams and he seems confident that he pretty much knows his stuff. He really is very well read, but he does know he needs to study up on sociology in particular. Melinda also has exams in 3 weeks...her first. I can see a little pressure coming in..she is a little snappier than usual, a bit more emotional. I hope she does ok as it will erode her self confidence if she doesnt. Stef is doing well, quite happy at the moment. School is driving me insane though with all the washing that comes home. Not sure what to do with her bowel issues right now..paed appointment in June. Jack is growing up....now a 12 year old...just hope he doesnt go through the caveman stage like Brent did....every word was ugh, and he didnt shower much. Anyway, caught up a little on washing...still 4 loads to do, but didnt do any today...I needed a rest up. Just felt eww, but maybe I was just suffering lack of sleep.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, but whats new about that?

Got up this morning and just felt totally overwhelmed by it all....sometimes it happens like that. Every where I look in the house there is something to do. I rely on having Saturdays free to catch up on washing and cleaning the kids rooms, but with Jack's party, I was otherwise occupied. Yesterday I was too tired after a very late night on Saturday night, so again, it wasnt done...If I dont have at least 10 probably closer to 15 loads I would go he. I was planning on going to work today, but I think I need to concentrate on this place today and then will be happier for the rest of the week having caught up. I noticed to that Stefs school pants are just not fitting her properly....too short, not long enough in the waist...it looks like she would be better in pants that I make...hmmm, just need to find time to make some for her....add it to the list. oK, on with the work....hopefully with no interuptions. I just want this place to be in order.

Amazing how a simple thing like not getting my mp3 player working really pisses me off. Anyone who knows me well, knows music is a link to my sanity. I love it and constantly much to my children's disgust sing in the car. I have it going at work, at home doing housework, at gym, in the car ....everywhere I go. I think one of the hardest things I faced when Stef was little was that she hated music with a passion and used to go into meltdown every time the radio was on. To live in silence for me was like hell. It took ages of ABA therapy for me to get to turn the radio on even and then it wasnt until I started getting her to play it on instruments, getting her to keep a beat and then getting her a keyboard, that her love of music has grown. Now she loves music.....all sorts. She has a radio in her room and she loves hard rock, classical, pop....whatever music she can find. Its now her main way to relax and overcome the stresses. It would be good if she liked headphones....but no. The beauty about having music as her way to calm down is that it is portable, its everywhere and you dont have to remember to bring it with you. Today is a huge day for me...lots of housework and then preparing for Jack's Birthday. Its hard to believe my beautiful baby boy is now almost 12...almost going off to high school. Where has that time gone? Its scary sending him off to high school....Im hoping he copes with the increased expectations. He is around 2 years behind his peers in some subjects, so its going to be a big ask for him to keep up. I guess I will just have to tutor him to get him through.

I really must get to queensland more

Yesterday I went to a funeral, it wasnt sad, Gordon had a long and happy life and it was his time to go. It was so lovely to catch up to my beautiful ex sister in law, my beautiful nieces and their little families. I miss Lyn. I look back at my youth, and she was a rock for me. I spent so much time at their home and spent so much time with my darling nieces. Being the youngest of 5 kids, by the time I came along, my parents were working a lot, and they didnt seem to have a lot of time or inclination to spend their time with me. Im not begrudging that, now I understand that they were my age now bringing up a 15 year old, having been through all that 10 years before. The generation gap seemed so much larger than it is with my kids....I guess I am just a younger person inside. My mum was seriously into bowling at my age..they spent so much time at the bowling club with all the oldies, so really at 46, my mum was doing stuff that 65 year olds were doing. Lyn was really my connection to a mother figure, but a so much younger one. In bringing up my kids I often thought of Lyn..making sure the babies had noise, never sleeping with them, making my own room a sanctuary for myself,Loving my kids always, but understanding that sometimes I dint like them as much, giving my kids the room to make their own minds up about right and wrong (with guidance of course). The one thing I did learn from Lyn is that it was so right to be an affectionate mother....that kids need cuddles and kisses. Its something that my mum and my grandmother before that lacked...the display of affection. Im so glad I broke that chain with my kids....hugs and kisses and I love yous were often. My kids never doubt my love for them...So many of the parenting skills I have now were learnt from Lyn. It was so nice to sit down on the floor and play with my beautiful great nieces and nephews. I loved getting to know their little personalities, all very different from each other. I remember yesterday lyn walking in and looking at me playing with the babies on the floor, and saying, Janine's creche...and thats where she expected me to be..she knows me well. I still miss the girls heaps...they were a big part of my life. I wish I lived closer so I could be the crazy aunt for their kids. A special aunt that loves them all so much. I often wish that my kids had that sort of aunt.....Steph especially, an aunt that knows her and loves her just the way she is...if wishes were fishes hey. Well, on with my day....slept in this morning, so no gym until this afternoon. Work today, and gym.....steve is away again, so sole parenting again...not that its a huge thing any more, the kids are so used to it now.

Wednesday Ive got Friday on my mind

A crazy busy day ahead, but I hit the floor running. This is the third day in my challenge to lose 15kg before I hit Italy. I hit the gym at 5.30am until 6am and will go back sometime today for another session of 30 minutes or so. Just getting kids organised for school, off to work, then a funeral, back to gym, tea and bed...... I can feel the weight falling off and my energy levels are very high especially during the day. Stef had the first meltdown in ages yesterday..I really have got used to her not having them. It was understandable though...she is coming down with a cold, was stuck on a bus for 2 hours with heaps of noise due to an accident on the road holding up traffic..basically things were not her way. I tried to get her to calm down, but eventually,she threw Melinda and I out of her room, curled up under the doona and chilled for an hour...this is after screaming for 30 minutes and throwing herself around. Brent is having a day off uni today...4 assignments due in this week, and he has one left to do. I think he has learnt a huge lesson about getting assignments done early and not leaving them until the week they are due...its good that he has learnt this early. The constant all nighters took their toll yesterday when he fell asleep in a lecture. Jack is full of angst today too....lots of panic attack and anxiety. I think the whole birthday week stuff makes him worse....its the whole anticipation bit. Ok, on with the day, shower, make lunch, and get moving for a day of work. Then a funeral for Gordon Murrell....my ex sister in laws father. It will be good to catch up to my nieces from the Gold Coast, just wish it was in better circumstances.. Ciao Bella

Promoted a little more understanding yesterday

Yesterday I met with Ian Trezise. I think he is getting the whole autism bit a little more. I took samples of Jack's handwriting and his reports. I asked him, if Jack were his son, would he want him going to high school without support..and he said no, it would horrify him. The one thing that impressed him a lot was the fact that I am so cool calm collected and how positive and full of energy I am. He was also amazed at Brent's story and how positive the outcome has been. I think that although I told some pretty harrowing stories of bullying, of failings in the school system, of lack of empathy by the education department, and the long term cost of not helping these kids, I wasnt emotional, I was clear, articulate and educated him. He thinks I should make appointments with every Victorian politician I can and that he understood so much more what we go through and that would be beneficial to all. He says he sees many families that come in and cry about their situation...but he saw me as a fighter, not just for my own, but for every kid and in every circumstance with different solutions for them all. An autism school would work for some, but not all, more support in secondary schools works for some but not all....we need a system that recognises needs....not only for our kids, but for normal kids and the teachers and for society as a whole, after all, its society that will pay the price of failing these kids. Oh and he was so unaware of the changing in criteria and will bring it up in parliament next week!! Onward with educating these politicians....next....

Monday morning

I really love Mondays I have decided. I love how its a new start to a new week....I always feel as if its a new page to be written on, a new set of challenges and a new set of goals. I lost NO weight last week due to my disasterous weekend of non stop eating and the fact that I ran out of time for gym workouts...hmmm. I really need to be far more disciplined! I didnt design the dress that I wanted to either. This week, I am more determined....eating properly, meal replacement shakes for lunch, and gym at least once a day. 2.5kg is my goal for this week. Today I have a meeting with a pollie..trying to get these guys to understand what the problems are with funding, and what cost to society in the long run when they fail these kids. This week I am definitely going to design and make one my dresses to take to Italy.. Oh Steve has booked his flights to France. Exciting! I am so looking forward to my trip away now!

Thinking outside the box

I had a pretty restless night last night...lay in bed for about 2 hours wide awake and ended up just getting up. So much crap is going around in my head about this funding stuff. Anyway, I decided to start thinking outside the square on this. Crying to politicians isn't working, so many families visit their local member and get no where why? There is nothing in their bleats that refers to other kids, nothing that refers to health and occupational safety of teachers, nothing about how the schools are funding disabilities out of general funds and so all kids are dipping out. Its time to look at it all from a different angle....time to look at how we can sell a solution and be more creative with what can be done. Its time to put a human face to our kids rather than just numbers on pages. Its time to get the teachers union to help us, its time to sell it to every other parent of every other kid in our classrooms. Ok, so how. My marketing expertise (LOL, 2 units at university) tells me that it needs to be positive, it needs to be personal, it needs to have solutions to the problem, it needs to show not only our kids difficulties, but the teachers and the other children. It needs to put faces to the numbers...but most of all, it needs to be positive so that the politicians continue to watch. I think I might try to get teachers to write me letters telling me of their frustrations, anonymously if they like, maybe talk to schools about how they can cope financially with the extra burden without any increase to budgets, its time to make this a bigger campaign. This isnt about fighting for Jack any more....we will somehow get Jack through in one piece. We have a loving supportive home, parents who will obviously help him on his way and parents with experience in all this as we have been there before. He is lucky. Today I am having a meeting between primary school and the high school to develop a plan to integrate him into high school, to reduce the amount of stress he faces. Its better to be proactive.

Disability funding in Victorian schools SUCKS

Mr Baileu is a disgusting individual and his government one of the most uncaring pack of bastards that I have ever seen in my years. Autism is a huge problem in our society...the numbers of these kids coming through is huge, and I understand that the education system is struggling to cope with that. As an accountant, yes, I do understand all that, but I do see the other side and it sucks big time. I know that criteria has always been tight to get funding for autism in our schools. We struggled with Brent as by the time he hit primary school, his speech had got above the cut off point for funding under autism criteria. He was still very autistic and the teachers struggled to cope with his behaviours. He spent around 80% of his time in the principal's office doing his work as his teachers could not cope with him (thanks Mr Candy!). At grade 2 level, I stood outside his classroom for an hour...in that time, I heard the teacher yell his name at least 40 times, I even heard her say to him, "are you mental" "are you retarded" ...Lets just say that incensed me to get funding for him at any cost. I went into battle, and finally in grade 3 3rd term, we got it under the Severe Behaviour criteria. He got it again when reassessed at grade 6 after having several major fights in the playground and breaking a couple of windows....go Brent...did yourself huge favours in doing that as now you had an aide all through High school. With help, and lots of understanding, help and perseverence at home, he made it through secondary school and got into Uni where he is excelling at a level that we would never have dreamed of for our Moderate/Severe autistic boy. Under todays tightened criteria, we would not have got funding at all for any help and he probably would have been expelled for behaviour reasons, as because he has an autism diagnosis, he could not apply under severe behaviour criteria. Jack hasnt even been allowed to apply for funding...he just doesnt fit the criteria for autism now his speech has improved. It doesnt mean he is any less autistic than he always was. He still has uneven learning, behind his peers by at least 2 years on testing in some areas, writes like a prep grader, shows extreme frustration, has little concentration span, has social difficulties and due to lack of executive function cannot organise himself at all. How on earth is he going to cope with high school with zero support. He isnt the worst case of this by a long shot...kids who previously have been eligible for special school due to low iq, who test at 71 at grade 6, and who have speech at a 71 mark, will be sent to mainstream schools with no aides or supports, regardless of behavioural issues! This is a generation of autistic children destined for failure by a system and a government that just doesnt care. These are the dole recipients of the future, untrained, pushed through school regardless of ability, thats if we can keep them at school, bullied and no one cares. I worked out that for every child who gets through the system without having got lifeskills or training for work will be on welfare forever..at 3%cpi on current Newstart payments, that will cost $3.9 million over the course of their life..surely its better to spend a little to help them get trained. The Victorian state government fail....where is the right to education here......there is none.

Things are looking up

After having some bad news from Carer Respite, saying that we couldnt get any residential care for Stef so steve could meet me in france, I decided to think outside the square. I have a few friends who could use some extra money, so why not ask if they would be interested. At this stage, I have a beautiful lady who has given a tentative yes! OMG, I am so excited that Steve and I will have a week together in France! I am also very happy that the NDIS is being rolled out! With the NDIS, there will be a fairer distribution of services with a bit of luck. For so long we have done it all on our own with no supports. It has been difficult at times and it saddens me that so many just dont get the help they need while others seem to get it all. It isnt even dependent on how disabled the person is, or how well they cope, just who they happened to have as case managers..that just sucks. We couldnt even get a weekend of respite care for stef for a whole year...OK, getting Stef back on DHS waiting list. Yesterday I started cleaning out MJs room...so many of her clothes just dont fit any more....we really need to gradually replace stuff, especially casual clothes and shoes. Looking forward to work today...its nice to step away and think about other stuff for a while....it really is a sanity break.

Monday!!! A new week, a new page

Just waiting for my gym gear to be dry and Im off and running. Determined now to lose the 15 kg before I go away. Nothing naughty will pass my lips today! Well, back from gym feeling absolutely f%&*^&d! Good news is though, I only missed 10 minutes on the bike today. Only have time for a 50 minute workout in the mornings before I am due home to deal with the kids. Because my pecs were sore from yesterday, I did my weights again today... 15 kg to lose by italy!! On the agenda today is to complete the washing, wash the laundry wall, the usual kitchen stuff, clean the family room, melindas room, ensuite and dining room, design my dress and replenish the chook house food and water. If I get time I will also dig the vegetable garden and plant up a bulb pot. Just gave Jack a challenge....he must say his time table in under 30 seconds.....for each one he can do, he will get $10. Bribery and corruption works every time!! Today I will also plan out 3 goals of self care for Stef to work on consistently at home and 3 goals educationally. We need to help her learn!! M

Planning out the week

Plans for my week!! OK from now on on a Sunday I am going to state what I plan for the week, my individual goals. I think it helps me keep focussed on what I really want and want to achieve. It also helps me be accountable to myself and others and it makes me more determined to succeed. Ok so my plans for the week........ 1. To design and make the black dress. 2. To clean the chook house, replenish the food and water, and to get the floor composting going. 3. To dig over the vegetable garden, putting in the cow shit. 4. to clean the house totally 4a. and to get the laundry decluttered and spring cleaned including the ceiling and walls. 5. To catch up to the washing totally and the ironing. 6. To get to the gym every day. 7. To plan our meals so that Steve and I can keep on track with our dietting. 8. To lose 1.5kg this week. 9. To draw up a list of goals for Stef to achieve and to work with her everyday to achieve them. 10. To spend time with Steve to nurture his soul and to make sure we are on the same page. Plan for my day. 1. To clean the bathrooms, the lounge, the family room and the dining room. To clean the laundry walls and dust off the boxes of fabric. 2. To design and make the pattern for the black dress. 3. Clean out the chook house and put in the food and water. 4. Plant up one pot of bulbs. 5. Dig over the vegetable garden. 6. Get to the gym for a workout.

Ah Saturday

Ah Saturday, a day of trying to catch up around this place.....got sweet buggerall done yesterday. Spent the day looking at funding criteria for education and came up with zero ways to get around the system for Jack. Met with the school psychologist too...she doesnt see a way either. The criteria has been tightened a lot. Where Brent got his funding by belting a few kids and accidentally breaking a window, that is not available to Jack. It seems that if you have autism you cannot have severe behavioural problems. This means going down the self harm route is out to us. Its scary that our little man who can barely write at Prep level will be going off to high school, knowing that he is already at least two years behind his peers in work level and yet he is pushed on through. Its setting him up to be a failure for his whole life. I am sure somehow we will find a place for him, but he needs to get through at least year 10 to get an apprenticeship, and Im not sure that is what he wants to do anyway. In a perfect world he would get help in the classroom. He isnt an idiot, far from it. There is quite a smart mind in there but he hasnt got the tools at this stage to get it on paper or the executive skills to organise himself. Its sad. I will keep on fighting for him, all the way to the top, even if I have to write a gazillion letters andx meet every bloody politician, its wrong not to help kids ..... Well, housework awaits....always shit to do around this place and not being an organised person, it frustrates me to no end. Other good news is that I have not lost my keys once this week!! Last week I cleared off a space in our room specifically for my handbag keys and phone,...Its working. I even have got into the habit of putting my stuff there before i do anything else!!

Just looking around the house.....feeling a bit overwhelmed as I never seem to catch up. We really need to get some help around the house, but right now, I want more money in my pocket to enjoy my holiday to Italy. Hehe, I would much rather have a messy house but have the extra $500 in my pocket over there. Is it wrong for me to think this selfishly....lol, I dont think so..... I have so many great ideas for what to do around the house. We really need to redo the front garden..get rid of all the plants that I am allergic to, but also I would prefer a cottage style garden rather than just green plants...bit by bit it will get done. I also would like to get the window in the lounge replaced with a sliding door, and then converting the side of the house to a outdoor entertaining area. I want to render the garage wall next door, and mosaic it in a forest theme......I know, its the creative brain working overtime. It would just be so nice to both have a lovely view out of the lounge window, but also an area that we can utilize more. It seems like a huge waste of space at the moment. Nobody ever goes down the side and its 3.5 metres by the length of the house. I think I need another part time job so I can save up for this stuff. This morning I had a huge deja vu feeling. One of the kids on the bus was fighting his mum, pulling away, trying to run because he didnt want to go to school. I had huge memories of the times when Brent did exactly the same thing. I went to help her out, picked him up off the ground and together we got him onto the bus. She has to win this battle or every time he feels like not going to school he will chuck a meltdown and get out of it. She really needs the physical brute force to be able to get him there. She is only a slightly built person and quite simply doesnt have the strength to tangle with an 11 year old boy who just will do anything rather than what he is told. I dont mind helping her...I know what its like when everyone just stands and stares when you are struggling with a screaming kicking child. I remember so well the times, but we got through somehow. We had to win the war, and that meant winning battles every single day no matter how we felt ourselves. My heart goes out to all those mums out there who are going through this.

Ndis

I took the kids up to the NDIS rally yesterday. It was great to see the number of disabled people who had come out in droves to fight to see the rights of disabled people honored. I think Stef really got it that we were there for her. She was such a great kid all day, even though she had a sore foot. She really was jumping around with all the chanting...although she couldnt speak, her voice was heard just being there. She was getting right into holding up her banner proudly. I really think that she got it!!! Our only hope now is that the NDIS is brought in, no matter which party is in power and isnt delayed in any way by politics and state of the economy. Its sad that if you have a car accident, you get all the therapy they can throw at you.....but if you are born with disability, you get little.

My only hope with the NDIS is that it isnt skewed towards physical disability as these things often are. Mentally disabled people are considered more able some how. How can this be so? Stef is just as disabled as a person in a wheelchair in many ways. She has no method of communication at this stage, is not capable of any personal hygiene tasks...and yet she is able to get into anything and runs amok. The respite care house says they need to put on extra staff when she is there because she is so busy....so in some ways she needs more care as they have staff for those in wheelchairs...they are easy to look after because they are basically stuck in the one place. Today I must organise the respite care we need for Steve to come to France with me. Lyn has offered to look after the kids for a bit, at least when she isnt in Bali, so I really need to organise around her. About 6 days I need....the other kids can look after themselves pretty much. I so hope I can arrange it.....I think its so good for steve and I to have time together and shared travelling and memories together.

Hmm, sometimes I wonder

Yesterday at Aldi, there was a young intellectually disabled man buying some cola and a watermelon. I felt sorry for the checkout guy as when the young man came to pay he was short by nearly $4, and could not or would not understand that he had to put something back. He was getting more and more irate. It bought home to me, that when you let our kids into the world, it is our responsibility to train our kids in shopping and the value of money. If they have no idea like this young man obviously didn't, then it shouldn't be up to the poor shop assistant to have to explain and deal with a situation that he is neither trained or paid extra for. I ended up paying the $4 just to ease the situation, but I felt really angry towards the young man's parents. If he can't understand, then don't send the kid on his own!! Maybe this kid does this regularly..goes to the shop and gets some unsuspecting git to pay for his stuff.
It gives people with intellectual disability a bad name when shit like this happens.

Looking at starting a touring company!

I am seriously starting to look at starting a touring company. I believe I have a niche market.
As you know, I solo travel...no tour groups. I like my little piece of alone time, but at times it also gets very lonely. I looked for a tour that isnt with all couples, isnt with all oldies and isnt with singles (Pick up tours)...there isn't any, not for our age group anyway. I was looking for a more informal tour...one which had drivers available to take you where you want to go prearranged, people to go out for dinner with, but not to be with a group all the time. There is nothing out there. I am not touring to find a man....I have one and dont want another, I dont want to be hit on all the bloody time either.
I will be researching into it a bit more, but I really think it would be a great fun thing to do, and face it, combining travel with making money and tax deductions for it would be pretty damn good. Let me know what you think!

Wearing my heart on my sleeve!

I won't say that the last three weeks has been easy. I feel as if my heart is in Steve's hands the whole time he has been away. I trust him with all my heart, its other women that I don't trust.
In case you don't know, we have chosen to have separate holidays due to the fact that we cannot get extended respite care for Stef. We can't do it together right now, and after losing some great friends, we also realise that we can't put off doing some of the things that we really want to do with our lives. Life is too short and too tenuous to put things off..and you never want to leave the earth with regrets. This month has been Steve's turn away...3 weeks in the West Indies, mainly to see cricket, but a lot of partying in beach bars and swimming. I would never say that it has been easy..after all, lots of beautiful women, far more beautiful than I am....skimpy bikinis etc. I trust him, but I know too that some women target a married man. It really has been the ultimate exercise in trust and strength in our marriage as I guess me going to Italy on my own will be.
It is with such relief that I know he is on his way home, and that his love for me is as strong as it ever was and that he is recharged for life, love and challenges. I miss him so much...23 years and still going strong...and thats saying something in this world of love em and leave em, especially when you have extra challenges in life like ours. Love you Stevo!

A lesson in gratitude!

Yesterday, Stef and I went to a family reunion. It was great!
I had a lesson in what makes me happy and that truly I am a happy person. My cousin made a few comments..that I smile so much...as he pointed out, far more than anyone else there, that when I talk to stef, there is a pure love in my eyes for my girl and the warmth of her cuddles. As he said with all the hardships that I have faced in my life, there is always a positivity that comes shining through.
Yeah, so shit has happened along my life, some of it the worst shit that can ever happen to a person, but to my own credit and that of Steve, we have worked through it, put it in the past where it belongs and havent let stuff alter the future.
Another cousin...said in her loudest voice that her mother was an abusive horrible woman who has caused her major depression, anxiety etc...it really has affected her whole life. She is now in her sixties and is still so bitter. I would never give anyone that power over my life. As a person, I had the responsibility to sort out my shit....not only for myself but for everyone around me...thats what pschologists are for.
I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. The kids although they have their battles are all doing so well. There is always improvements along the way, small steps are celebrated in this house. We have a loving home...a sanctuary for my kids and us. I have a loving husband and a relationship which is dynamic. I have a husband that understands my independence and individuality and respects me for it. We have the means to indulge our travel aspirations. So much to be happy for!

I realise that travelling solo has changed me.

Last night, a lovely friend gave me two tickets to a show at the Comedy Festival in Melbourne at short notice. I decided stuff it I will go and you know, the prospect of being on my own didnt phase me. I drove to Melbourne, found a car park (a whole other story) and wandered down to the theatre. I was early so I grabbed a cider and started chatting to these people a bit younger than myself. They were good people....two of them were up and coming comedy performers and the other a friend who they were hoping to also get into the show (performers get free tickets to any shows)..I ended up offering my spare ticket to the friend. The show was great, and the tickets were good..almost centre second row. The young man was very grateful for his seat just a very chatty nice young person. Had a quick beer with him and his friends before we parted company.
Went to Sofitel for a quick coffee..quick lol, 2 hours later and Im still there. Ended up being coopted into a table of 3...a merchant banker from the uk and two girls from sydney, all around my age. One girl was a hairdresser newly separated after 30 years of marriage and the other a married without kids career girl who was a management specialist. So many different conversations happened. Chats about managment theories (was digging back into my memory for my uni management stuff) and how redundancies in a company cause people to feel threatened and no amount o fmoney will changed their level of satisfaction with their jobs if they feel unstable. We talked about mariage and kids..All in all it was great company. I must have needed the adult conversation.
What does surprise me now though is that Im not afraid of being alone...not scared of breaking into conversations with people where previously I was very hesitant to do so. And just think....I have another 6 new friends!

Long time since I blogged!

Gee, I just realised its been 6 months or more since I wrote anything. It shows in my mental state too. I am so much better when I write every day..its good for my mental health.
Time to set new goals....
1. The pereneal....give up smoking...quit date is 26th April..thats 3 months before I leave for Italy. I would like to spend that extra 1000plus on clothes and shoes!!
2. To lose 15kg before I hit the plane.
3. To value our marriage and relationship and to work at making his life a little better each day.
4. Plan my trip to Italy including costings.
5. To work with Stef for at least 30 minutes a day on typing...aim is for her own name and 5 words.
6. To help Jack a little more.....especially with his organisational skills. Teach him about the emotional tool box and how he can use it to make better choices.
7. To have the house neat and uncluttered...one room at a time