Why does it rain on weekends?

Yesterday was a glorious day......sun was shining, it was nice and warm and it just was beautiful. Today is overcast, cool and just yuk. Seems to be the weather pattern at the moment, fine during the week and wet and yuk on the weekend.
Just 6 sleeps to go and we will go to Broome. I am hanging out for a battery recharge!! Its around 35-38oC over there at the moment, which reminds me...I must have a look at what of my summer clothes actually fit!! I may have to buy some new sandals for sure, and a new sundress oh and reclaim my bathers from Stef. I put a size 12 school dress on her yesterday...omg, she has grown so much this year. It seems a waste though to buy her new ones when she only has 6 weeks left at the school. We were lucky enough to buy her a new top and netball skirt at the opshop last week, so we may have enough to get her through until the end of the year. She really needs new clothes for Barwon Valley School though.
Stef was so smoochy yesterday and she had an awesome day at school. She really suprises everyone as yesterday her normal aide was away, but she had a good day anyway. Change does not bother her much at all which is a against the usual autism trait. I guess in this house things change all the time. When Brent was little he would have major meltdowns everytime we changed his normal routine, so we stopped doing anything the same way twice. Routines changed daily, furniture changed, plans changed, just everything in his life changed all the time. Eventually he got to the point where change was nothing to be frightened of and there were no more meltdowns. I know that Brent thinks I am flaky....that I can never make up my mind, but its what I have had to be for his sake. Routines were too comfortable for him...and the biggest difficulty was stepping out of the routine for him.
Tonight we are going to a cocktail party at a friends place. We havent caught up to these darling people for ages and we are so looking forward to seeing them both. I think steve was organising a limo for us (cheaper than a taxi to werribee). Its a pity we have to be home by 1am, but thats the way it is.
Anyways, onward. Lots to do...housework, rainbow club, jack has a mate's party and the Mt Washmore!

Day 22/100 day challenge

Its nearly 5am, after yet another night when I woke up at 3am. This sleeplessness is driving me crazy! On a good front though, I get a chunk of time to myself!
Im just planning our Christmas. This year, I am not going to do anything at the last minute. I want a stress free Christmas. My plan is to have everything organised by 1st Dec. Presents bought, cards done and food in the freezer. I really need to decide what I am going to give to the teachers this year. Maybe a box of christmas pudding rumballs. It adds up to quite a lot when you have aides, teachers, busdrivers etc to give to. I will also make up a plate for the teachers at Lara Primary, being on council.
This is my first day on my new activity plan...I have committed to 10 minutes of conscious exercise a day. I know it doesnt sound much, but its what I can commit to without excuses.
The decluttering, sproing cleaning is going well.....still working on the kitchen. One room at a time, and its getting done. By the 1st of December, I hope to have done every room in the house. So much stuff to get rid of! My theory is, if I havent used it in 12 months, it just doesnt belong or if it brings bad/sad memories, it just doesnt belong here. So many things that we keep "in case of". Stefs clothes really need going through. She has grown so fast, and a lot of her stuff just doesn't fit any more. Can you believe she has gone from a size 10 girls to a size 10-12 womens in a matter of 12 months. She is going to be very tall I think...maybe 5'10".
Lots of stuff to do today, banking and stuff for Rainbow Club, cleaning of course, and maybe I may go to work for half an hour or so to get stuff up to date and ready for the end of month. Its going to be 29oC apparently......a beautiful day. I love this time of year....not too hot, but some really pleasant sunny days.
I have set a timeline for the exit from Rainbow club too....1/1 seems like a good date. Its time to move on, before I get bitter and jaded (maybe I am already LOL) and it will be great to free up our weekends to spend as a family instead of working for the benefit of other families who really don't appreciate the effort.
Anyway....going to get organised to go for a walk this morning..then maybe a quick spa before getting the kids up.

Time to simplify and get selfish!

After making a decision to simplify my life, I have realised just how much of my time is spent doing things for others. Rainbow club is probably taking me between 5 and 7 hours a week. Steve thinks it is a lot more. School council is a little less at about 1 1/2 to 3 hours a month.
I think my family will need every bit of my time next year. Brent has a big year ahead.....VCE. He needs to get his learners permit and learn to drive. Melinda will be moving on to year 10 work and needs to learn how to organise herself. Stef of course is moving into puberty. All big things in their own right, and they deserve to have a mum who is there for every step of it.
Bit by bit, the house is getting a good spring clean. This week it is the kitchen. OMG some of it was so gross. I hit the floor running this morning, cleaning the fridge of all the science experiments and out of date stuff. Oh and I did a bit of ironing too. Its nearly 6.30 and I need to get MJ up soon.....then I am getting on the eliptical trainer for a while. I am going to make a concerted effort to do exercise daily on a consistent basis. Not a lot, just a little each day will do the trick.
Today I have to go to work earlier than usual. Steve is taking the little darlings to school. anyway, onward

Geelong cup day!

I worked Monday so that I could be at home today as all the kids have the day off school. I just don't understand why the teachers need to have Geelong Cup day. They used to at least give the kids a day off for the show, now, its all about the teachers and stuff the kids!
Today I have been working on getting my kitchen spotless. I find generally, that although its pretty clean on the surface (some of the time anyway)a lot of stuff just hasnt been done. Things like cleaning out the freezer, scrubbing the oven and benches....giving it all a damn good clean. I am also throwing out anything I dont love or dont use. I can't wait for the house to be completely decluttered!
Yesterday we went out for lunch, just Steve and I. It was great to just spend some time together. Then we went to the op shop and picked up a unit to put our stereo, cds and alcohol in our bedroom. Its a problem that we can't have any of that stuff in the general living area of the house...thats the price we pay with having Stef I guess. Its cool that we picked up one pretty cheaply in very good condition and it even matches our bedside tables. Ha, I even got a discount on it having a healthcare card on me for Stef.
I'm just deciding on a timeline to get out of Rainbow club.....I am so sick of committees and the time committments that I have. I reallly want to simplify my life so that I get more time doing the things that I really love to do, ie sewing, cooking classes etc. I think its time I started looking after me too. There is always more stuff I can do to help Stephanie too.
OH and I had a conversation with Medibank Private about health coaching...interesting stuff, and they are sending me lots of info on portion control, and things like a pedometer to help me on my way. I am giving up doing Jenny Craig this week. Its expensive and I am so bored with the food. I think instead exercise and the Csiro diet again will keep me losing the weight.

Day 19 of my 100 day challenge

Ok, today is day 19 of this challenge. By starting a challenge on October 1, I finish the day of my birthday!

This whole challenge this time is about tidying up my life....finishing unfinished business and taking care of myself so much better.

I am in the process of losing 50 kg. I have so far lost nearly 40, but gained back 5kg in the last month or two. I got very bored with Jenny Craig food and not to mention the expense. Today I decided that I wouldnt do Jenny Craig any more, but would instead use healthier food and exercise instead. I am the only one responsible for my own health and well being. Heres to getting back on track.

I will have stopped smoking by the end of this challenge. Hopefully very soon. On day 1, I started on a drug called Champix which apparently stops cravings. For me, I had a massive anxiety reaction to the drug. It was very scary. Under doctors orders, I was told to cease taking it, and then in a couple of weeks try again using more conventional nicotine replacement.

Currently, I am way to involved in charity work and committees. My aim for this challenge is to simplify my life. So, one of them needs to go. I currently do about 5-8 hours a week on Rainbow club, and as much as I love the organisation, I really feel that I have done my bit on a far more consistant basis than any other member. Its time to put my family first.

I have 3 kids on the autism spectrum. I really need to find more time in my every day to give them far more of my undivided attention. Brent next year is in his VCE (like graduation year) and will need more support. Stef is on the verge of puberty and is learning lots of new things which I would really like to capitalise on. Jack just needs more time. Melinda also needs more time. Its time to clear my decks so that I can help my children in a more valuable way.

I will also be finishing up some work so that my timetable is clearer.

I am also striving to get more support for Stef. Its time to ask for more help and get as much support as I can. Its a good idea to get Stef used to the many support organisations that are available, such as residential respite etc.

Reaction to champix

I had to go off champix yesterday. Major reaction to the stronger dose made me feel so incredibly anxious and I had about 10 panic attacks. Panic attacks are awful. My heart was racing, I had the wooshing of blood in my neck and a really bad feeling all over. I stopped taking them yesterday morning and gradually I am starting to improve. The pain in my chest is getting less too. I rang the doctor yesterday and he advised to get off them straight away, and then to use alternative methods to give up smoking starting later next week when this should be out of my bloodstream.
Isnt the rescue of the miners in Chile just awesome! One by one they are bought to the surface and with each one a story.
Steve is home again.....thank goodness. I am so sick of him being away. I really don't sleep as well when he is not here, and of course Brent behaves a lot better when he is here.
Got our massive powerbill yesterday...OMG, $1400! We are just changing electric companies to one with a lesser rate and more discounts. We will sit down on the weekend and trim the bills somehow. We have a fridge in the shed that can go off.....and a freezer which we either need to fill up or turn off. Will also be putting Jack on the powerbill...then we can get the disability rebate which will help for Summer and Winter bills.
I have to ring Jack's Paed today. The longer lasting Ritalin really is having very little affect on his behaviour. Our previous tablets (4 hourly) were so much better. The school has asked to go back to the tablets so I need to get a new script for them. Even Jack says the capsules dont work at all.
Have to retreat the kids for the bugs today too. Hopefully, fingers crossed.....this is it!
Anyways...on with the day......work today.

Struggling with focus!

I'm just so unfocused at the moment. Not sure if it is the tablets Im on, or just ADHD, but I just am struggling to get anything done! I just feel my life is a total mess right now. So much unfinished business. I'm feeling very anxious a lot..Anyway, In a vain attempt to get my life back in order, I really am having to write lists and cross things off. Step by step, mouthful by mouthful, the elephant can be devoured. I just have to pare it down so I am doing one job at a time and putting my full concentration into it. Also using hypnotherapy to overcome the anxiety attacks. Not nice stuff.
Anyway, kids are all ok. Brent is being loud and painful and its affecting the other two a fair bit. He constantly rags Jack until Jack screams and then Stef screams because Jack is.

The challenge is on!

Today, I am going to ring every organisation I can, to see if I can get overnight respite care from any of them. I will also be finding out what length of time there is for residential respite care.
When I get this information, I am going to hit the politicians!
It seems that 10-15% of families with special needs kids get the majority of the funding with their respite care services increasing...yet the 90% are either on waiting lists or try to do it on their own. As with any community, some people seem to put their hand up for every single bit of help they can possibly squeeze out of the system. Just depends on their case worker or contacts how much help they recieve. It sucks when people are waiting years for just one weekend off...and others get 3 days off a fortnight and a couple of weeks continuous holiday. It doesnt depend on how severe the disability is either......
Carers respite no longer provide one off overnight care...they used to.....

Anyway, onward. Lots to do today, but have made huge inroads already. I hit the floor running at 5am and already have done 4 loads of washing, cleaned the kitchen, washed all the floors and have made inroads in the ironing.
Im a work widow again this week...it seems pretty usual at the moment to be on my own at least two nights of the week. Certainly doesnt make life easy around here. Yesterday we had fights with both the older kids about tidying their rooms. Melinda seems to think that because I clean Stefs room, I should also clean hers. Grr, she is 14 years old, surely she can put her own dirty washing in the laundry. Brent doesnt see any point, and had the gall to say the house was a dump...shit of a kid!
This morning I have to go to Jenny craig, and then do lots of Rainbow club stuff.....Thats another thing I really have a beef with at the moment. Lazy parents who feel they are entitled just because they have a special needs child. They do no fundraising and some of them wouldnt even sell a raffle ticket. It basically leaves 4 people to raise $20 000 for the viability of the club in the new year. What is it with the sense of entitlement that some people get.......its like the world owes them a huge amount because they had a special needs child....and yet they do nothing to make it better but suck it dry for all they are worth. These are the first people in line at the Christmas party for presents and food, but do nothing to get them. I think Im starting to get committee burnout..why should I work for these people 4-5 hours a week, when they cant even give 1 minute of one day.

OMG, Stef can swear in sign language!!

Stef had us in stitches last night......so funny. The boys were fighting over a video game.....Steve came in to adjudicate the fight, and Stef was tapping the top of her head like she does when she is annoyed. Steve called the boys "dickheads" ....and then Stef made the sign for "dickhead". To find out what else she knew, Steve asked her what the sign for "get f$%^$" was. OMG< she knew it too!
I know that sounds kindof bad, but normal teenagers use that sort of language, and its great that she has the same thoughts as they do..that she doesnt think in the simple baby language that her supposed IQ would. It means she actually thinks like a normal teenager! I have often felt that Stef thinks like a normal kid, just her lack of communication skills don't allow her to convey all thats in her head. Who knows what she really knows or thinks?

Things are starting to look better. Its amazing how when Steve is home, it all seems to be so much better. What seemed like a pretty crappy week at the time, just seemed to melt away with a cuddle. I still have a fair bit to do, but hey...no one is going to die if it isnt done right this minute. Stuff it all!

time wasters

Our schools have a total infestation of headlice......Its awful! Yesterday, Stef was sent home early because they found some on her. OMG, there goes 2 1/2 hours treating all the kids! It seems that Stef gets them at both schools and I would hate to think how many times Ive treated her in the last 12 months.
On a positive note, I have been taking Stef for a ride on her 3 wheeler again. Thursday I did it for the first time in ages but it was cut short because a storm was coming. We got home just in time......before it totally poured. Yesterday, Stef put her helmet on and I said, "you want to ride today Stef" and she said "Yes riding time". She even did her helmet up which has been an issue in the past.
Steve gets home today!! Woohoo!! I can't wait for a cuddle. Its amazing how it all feels so much different when the burdens are shared. As they say, a burden shared is a burden halved!
Oh and the champix are starting to kick in. Im probably smoking a bit less, but also, only feel like half the cigarette..4 days to go, and then I give up totally!
A busy weekend ahead. Have to do Rainbow club stuff on Saturday...a fund raiser and then collecting fees for 3 hours.
My car is due back from the panel beaters today.....was supposed to be yesterday but thats ok.

Sometimes my life is just GR

I'm trying really hard to keep positive, but hell its taking a bit at the moment.
Yesterday was just one of those days with the kids. Started off bad when I tried to make the lunches. Melinda had after I went to bed, eaten 8 jam donuts! Her compulsive eating is sometimes a real problem. She lied to me and said it must have been Stef who ate them. I know that it wasnt Stef though. Stef would leave bits of them around, and wouldnt put the empty packet in the bin outside. It annoys me totally that MJ can bald face lie and then say whatever when you pull her up on it. She finally admitted it but even that was disrespectfully. I just didnt have the energy last night to push it.
Work went ok, but I was tired and distracted by a stupid management consultant who is totally wasting my time. I will be so glad when he has gone as he is such a stupid man. Then I picked up the boys from school. Brent was in a rage about having to redo his English SAC. He just wouldnt understand that its a long bow to draw to say that Stem cell research was basically to increase the rich's power in the world. I took me about half an hour to get him to calm down enough to see a little bit of reason. He finally did, after I explained that stem cell research is being done in China to help kids like Stef and basically if I had the $100 000 I would take her. But how great that would be if it becomes a treatment that is more available to help the very severely afflicted autistic to communicate.
The next issue I had was that Stef broke the railing holding up the slats on her bed...meant that she had to sleep on her mattress on the floor last night which didnt go down well. It was close to 1am when she finally went to sleep.
Then, at 7pm......Melinda said, oh I have to cook banana bread for an assessment task for health. I had to then go to the shop to get bananas and other stuff to make it. No thanks mum or nothing. She finally got on to make it, and then dropped the cake tin as she was putting it in the oven.....cake mix right through the oven.....cooking onto the hot surface. I scooped up what I could, put it back into the tin, and cooked it. But my oven is a mess. This will be a big test of the self cleaning oven!
Anyway, Im behind in my housework plans due to my friend arriving on my doorstep for 4 hours on Tuesday and having to do a bit of running around on Tuesday for rainbow club...Im getting emails putting pressure on me to get the stuff done for them, emails about my casual work, and heaps to do.
I really need to take a step back, scream at the fence to get rid of the tension and then just get on with the job, doing the best I can.
Can't wait til Steve gets home, just to give me a cuddle!

Day 5- Getting there!

Steve is away again...Bangkok this time. The first night is always the worst. I think it was about 3am when I finally got to sleep. I hear every noise. The second night I am usually too stuffed to hear a thing. The kids cope well when he is away. Its just different but very much business as usual. I find it harder. I miss that emotional support.
I have finally caught up on washing woohoo. Now I just need to make sure I do 3 loads a day to keep up to it. I still have a pile of ironing though, but just on a basketful, so it will take a couple of hours. Today I will finish decluttering the laundry. Oh what fun!
I have heaps of stuff to do today. Lots of catching up to the Rainbow club stuff. I am finding it a bit frustrating at the moment. As with any club, only about 3 or 4 people are willing to put themselves out to help run it. Unfortunately, especially when it comes to disabilities, people have the expectation that it will all be handed to them on a plate. They don't see Rainbow club as a club, but as a charity. It sucks. If I didnt care so much, I would drop out of it all together but I want to see all kids with disabilities learn to swim and be safe in water. I really must get more publicity going.
I have heaps of work stuff to do too. Must get on with it in a big way today. Time to get some projects finished ready for a clean slate.
The 100 day challenge is on day 5. So far so good. At least I am working towards my goals pretty consistently.
Anyways, time to get going

Day 4/100 day challenge and back to school!

Woohoo! Kids are back at school!! Normality hits! As much as I don't like having to get up everyday and get the kids going, I really like the routine that school term brings. The kids all got up this morning without too much hassle, even Melinda who stayed up till 3am watching the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth games. Melinda was hanging out to be back at school. As much as she hates to admit it, she loves it and is really quite good at school when she gets her organisational shit together. I have been desparately trying to catch up on the washing.....like about 15 loads yesterday, but this morning I walked into her room and freaked about how much washing was sitting around, and the clean stuff, just thrown on the floor. HMMM, bloody child. Isnt it bad enough that I have to do absolutely everything for Stef without having it to do for the other 3 as well. Oh well, will clean it up later today with her help and will throw out any clothes that no longer fit.
Today as my declutter challenge, I am still in the laundry. Woohoo, one load of washing left to do, and half of the room decluttered. Next step is the fabric stash in there...time to sort through and either sew up the baby/toddler fabric to give away or donate it to the opshop. I may just give it to a friend who makes kids clothes for the women's refuge. Its scary that these girls walk out of their homes with nothing...not even a change of clothes for their kids. Our local sewing guild donates clothing to give to these families. Stef really needs new clothes too...but being very long in the body, its hard to get her off the rack stuff, all the tops are too short, and the trousers are too shallow. It usually means she has a 4 inch gap between the tops and her bottoms. Must sit down over the next week or so and design some new stuff. I gave Melinda a drawing tablet for her computer but its incompatible for her mac so I will take it back to design outfits for stef (I am hopeless at drawing usually, but so much easier on the pc. I guess I was sent a lot of different skills for a reason....sewing and design is one of them that I look at and think Gee, I am so glad I can do that.
Anyway, washing machine has finished again, so out to put out some more before the rain!

100 day challenge!

Ok, I have started a 100 day challenge. If you havent heard me talking about it before, its 100 days where I work each day towards my set goals.
My goals for this 100 days are:
1. To lose 10kg
2. Give up smoking
3. To organise the house, get rid of clutter from every room.
4. To be more creative.
5. To have a nice garden, vegetables and fresh eggs.
6. To finish of work projects and have rainbow club stuff up to date.
7. To get more help for Stef and our family.
8. To be more financially aware and making the most of what we have.

Each week, I break down the tasks to smaller chunks and each day do something to move forward on each goal.

The first time I did the 100 day challenge, was about 3 years ago, where we decided that we needed to move. Bit by bit, we did things around the old house to get it ready for sale. At the start of my 2nd one hundred day challenge we had made the decision to sell, and we did!
Its amazing how when you set your mind to your goals, and work on them each day that things actually start to happen pretty quickly.
This 100 day challenge is about tidying up my life so that I can move on to new challenges with a clean slate, mentally and physically. Its about getting rid of emotional and physical clutter. Both for me, and those around me. Its about getting the help we will need for Stef, and getting ready to help her move on to young adulthood. Its about helping Brent gear up for his final year of school and Melinda moving onto year 10 work next year which is a pretty vital year. Its about getting Jack more mentally organised. The kids need me to be far more organised, the house to be one of peace, and to have a sanctuary that they deserve. Its about organising breaks for them and for us so that we can approach life in a less stressed manner.
Today, I have worked on decluttering the laundry and have worked in the garden a while. Its a beautiful spring day...so sunny and warm!
We went to the outskirts of Lara, and watched the bike riders in the world championship ride past. Cheering them on. I had a conversation with one of the swiss riders at the supermarket the other day....he was saying how great it was to have such terrific fresh food available and how cheap it was. Its something that we take for granted a lot I guess, especially when it is so easy to grow stuff ourselves. Can't wait to have my vege garden at its peak....oh and we have raspberries and blueberries and strawberries....yummo.
Anyway......onward...

Its a beautiful spring day!

The sun is shining, the house is pretty clean, and today I'm feeling pretty positive.
Yesterday, we won the war against City of Greater Geelong regarding a Disabled Car Park permit. Its amazing how if you put the pressure on the beureaucrats (sp) via the elected representatives, that the criteria magically changes. Its a win! Next step is the education department. It's ridiculous that Stef and Brent get the same funding for school and that Stef gets roughly half that of a physically disabled child who is capable of doing the same things. There is always a battle to fight with these kids. The other is our access to speech therapy and of course respite care.
Stuff them all, Its time to make waves and believe me, I can surf them all!
Got a fair bit to do today...always heaps to do. Rainbow club stuff needs doing, work stuff, and of course getting the kids ready to go back to school on Monday. Oh and course Stef has emptied her wardrobe on to the bedroom floor again! Washing Washing Washing and always messes to clean up. I really need to get my diary out and make a list!
My new job is great. I love that its so cut and dried. My tasks are set according to deadlines and that I work pretty independently with it. I love how I can leave at the end of the day with the work finished and the plan for the following week already in place. Its great that nothing hangs over my head. For a person with ADHD, its great that I can plan out my time, no decisions to be procrastinated on.What is a huge laugh for me though, is that my boss sees me as incredibly organised and is even adopting some of my techniques to keep myself on the task.
Today I am going to take some time outside. Time to work on the garden a bit, and the sunshine and vitamin D will do me the world of good.