Happy Birthday Brent!

OMG time goes so fast....Brent turns 17 years old today!! I look back at the hard work, the blood sweat and tears and the pure joy he has bought us. How much he changed our lives is unfathomable. From the pure joy at having a beautiful baby boy who really was a great baby, even though he was a little large at birth....a whopping 12 lb 1 and 1/2 ounces...a starving baby who after 2 months was just too hungry to breast feed. From the post natal depression which almost drove me to the edge...Its scary to stand on the edge of your life and make a decision to live or die. I chose life. From the slow realisation that my baby just wasnt responding in the same way as his peers and the speech that just wouldnt come. The pure frustration of his behaviours which everyone around me said was normal, but truly werent. The joy when he finally started speaking which happened pretty quickly once he started and now we cant shut him up. The frustration of primary school, and not getting the help he needed and the battle with the education department to get him an aide. The joy at his emergence like a butterfly of a keen mind which was like a sponge and still is. The bullying in early high school was unmerciful and the pain I felt as a mother when I just couldnt alter the school culture of popularity and beauty over diversification. And finally ihis emergence as the brainy kid who has the world at his feet.......he really can do whatever his heart decides.
Wow, we have come such a long long way...it has been a bumpy journey full of twists and turns and great views, great joys and great sadness along the way.
Happy Birthday darling boy....

Well its the end of financial year.....as an accountant...its the start of a time of great demand. I have lots to do in the next month or so. I am too going to apply for another new job today. Being a bit pickier about what I take now though.....25 hours is my maximum....no more! There is no way possible that my family can function with me working more than that. We have proved that already. I am also going to apply for my CPA program. Yes a little studying but I want to formalise my training and move up the ladder a bit. Its like an insurance policy for this family as I dont want to feel as if we are at the mercy of Steve's company for income to survive.....it certainly gives Steve peace of mind to know that I can work and get a pretty good income if worse comes to pass.

Jack and Stef are enjoying school holiday program. At least it keeps them active and makes Jack do more than just sit on the computer for two weeks. Stef though keeps putting her hands on the kids' heads and it is scaring some of the younger ones. We need to work on this...She is enjoying her time there and the carers have remarked how much more responsive she really is now. I told them to treat her like a normal child, to give her instructions to do and to not do everything for her. She is not a baby and shouldnt be treated like one. I think that her special school really doesnt expect enough of her. I expect her to do so much more at home now. Tidying her own room is our next aim. She should be responsible for cleaning up her own messes (hehe and there is a lot of mess she creates in there) and putting her own things in her room. I am also working on getting her to be more responsible for her own personal hygiene...bathing, shampooing her hair, cleaning her teeth etc. She did up buttons for the first time last week...we are raising the bar.

Now on to a busy day ahead.....got to get the kids to holiday program by 9am.....lol...so a bit to do

Work function was a blast!

I really enjoyed myself which was very suprising. But it was also a night of realising just how small Geelong is....One of the partners is married to a girl I was a year ahead of at school and then I realised that I actually was in the same year at uni as my boss. I also realised just how young Steve and I really are in our own minds. That we still enjoy going out and that we can fit in pretty easily into groups. Because I only work as a casual in the firm, I'm not well known, in fact most people had no idea who the interlopers were lol. But we managed to chat to quite a few people. I also came home feeling a little envious..it didnt last long, but it was a big realisation of how much autism has changed my life path and that life really hasnt followed my grand plan. Thats life I guess and we just have to make the best of what we have. For me, that includes time..I amy never be able to work full time under our circumstances...the trick will be able to find an employer that is ok with that knowing that when I am with them it is 100%. The accounting firm has been good with that and maybe just maybe we can make it work.
Today I feel at peace with my world for some reason....its a wonder I am not hung over...I had quite a few red wines but felt very much in control. I would never write myself off at a work function. There is something about getting older which tells you that at a work function you are still actually in the work place and that how you hold yourself at these functions reflects on your professionalism. Oh the things we learn along the way. Some of the young ones were pretty off their face and although they think they are at a pure social function, they werent....not really and it will reflect in the work place. I am at peace because I can see a future...one way or another there will be a pathway for me both as a mum, as a wife, as a career person. It will all work out somehow.
Today, my aim is to get Stef's tap to talk program set up, and to tidy up our bedroom.

Work function and the week

Tonight we have a work function for the accounting firm I work for. I am wearing a size 12 dress that I wore to my best friends wedding 15 or so years ago. Its a dress that I just loved at the time and yes its tight, but it does look great and just the level of sofistication that I want. Not over the top dressy but stunning in my favourite color. I hope we have a good night.
I have had a week of resting up. The last two years have been so stressful for us all. I love having the money but not sure if I need the extra stress. Maybe I should start my own business bookkeeping and then develop my other passions on the side. Who knows what the right thing is for us? I certainly don't.
We got the kids reports. Brent did great in some subjects...he even got an A in legal studies exam. Woohoo!! He also did very very well in Media studies and History. Oh and he has decided finally to get his learners permit!! He previously didnt want to get it...so this is a huge step forward. I think having a smaller car for him to learn in has changed his mind. I just have to get his full birth certificate and then he can get it.
Melinda did very well and had a good report, but every teacher complained of lack of organisation, not handing work pieces in and lack of concentration in class. I really need to get her into a routine where she does her homework religiously after school. Steve never had to work for his marks....I slaved for every single one. I still battle with my own demons as far as organisaiton skills...every day. I use lists but not effectively and am better when I use a diary. I really need to teach Melinda some good habits.
I am working on getting Stef's speech facilitation program up and running for the computers and the Nintendo Ds....its just a matter of working out which choices would be most useful for her right now and what she is capable of. I know there is a bright little mind there, it just has no way to tell us what she knows already. Fingers crossed that this will be a turning point for her. I am going to make a concerted effort to get the schools to work together and to work on using the speech facilitation program. The special school has been so slack over the last 2 years and I have got very frustrated with that. We really need a school that is geared towards autism and getting the best we can out of these kids. Our choices are incredibly limited right now.
Jack's report was ok...he is behind his peers quite a long way, and his writing is pretty poor so his number one thing to work on is his writing skills. Fortunately he is a good reader and is relatively good at maths, so we can afford to concentrate just on his writing for a while. He got a new teacher this term and she is lovely and really seems to get the whole autism adhd bit. His previous teacher treated him like just a naughty kid and it was very frustrating. Jack hates school as it is....she made it just so much worse.
Oh and I gained weight this week......not unexpectedly as I have been eating like a pig and not sticking to the program. Time to get back on track and work hard. I want so much to be fitter and healthier and without smoking as well. So many things in my life to change...time to get my goals happening and work out what we really are aiming for.
Anyway...time to get the kids organised...going into town for Melindas friends birthday present and to pick up my Jenny Craig food.

Deciding what my bliss is...

Not really sure where my bliss is, but I know I have to find it. I know it doesnt lie in accounting work for me..Its just a means to an end......but doesnt really make me happy. I feel that I am standing on the edge right now........just deciding where or what I really want. I am a big believer that if and when I find my bliss, being successful will come relatively easily. What after all is success but the feeling you are doing what you set out to do all along. Maybe just maybe it is in writing. Where are my strengths..what do I really like to do..where do I see myself. All questions worth pondering. Two things I know...it has to involve both sides of my brain and it has to fit in with what I want to do for my family.
I want a job where I can be there for my kids...to be available to them after school, to be there as a mum, as a therapist to help Stef learn to communicate and to be a truly stable person in their lives. Probably most of all to be the loving mum that all kids deserve and probably what I didnt get until much later in life.
So it comes down to me. What do I enjoy most? I love being creative. I love visualising something and then making it happen. I love to cook. I love helping people. I love writing. I love selling. I love gardening and swimming and being active physically as well as mentally.
hmmm.......more pondering is required obviously.

Anyway, on with what is happening today.
Jack has a curriculum day and 3 way meetings tonight at 6. It will be nice to have just Jack at home today. He doesnt get a lot of one on one time and never really has. Maybe I should spend a couple of hours with him today doing something that he really enjoys, some special Mum time.
I am going to try to take Stef for a ride on her bike this afternoon. Time to get her more active as she is gaining more weight and really, I can see it becoming more difficult to manouvre her as I get older. She is going to be very tall....maybe 5'10" and is very strong. Maybe a few more swims and rides in order.
The kids are all winding down for school holidays. Jack and Stef will be in holiday program. I will be writing to the federal minister for disability. It is in the charter that I should be able to earn the same sort of money as someone without a special needs child, and yet, I cannot get enough funding to provide an aide for Stef in school holiday program for 4 out of the 10 days. That means that I would have had to find private childcare for those days or take them off. When you add up the days that I can't get funding for over the entire year it adds up to far more than the 4 weeks annual leave that I would be entitled to as a full time worker. How can you say then that I am able to work as a full time worker??? I can't and therefore they are not sticking to the charter. I'm gonna fight it...its wrong especially for single mum's who are forced back into work when their child turns 6 and then cant work full time because their child has a disability. The other issue is with afterschool care. No one wanted to know as Stef would not get enough aide time to cover 5 days a week...and then privately it was hard to find anyone who was willing to take on a disabled child. The government really need to look hard at this. Time to get on my soapbox and fight for what is right.
Brent went to the Holocaust Museum yesterday. It was great to hear his understanding of what happened. It used to be something he joked about and I used to tell him off about. Last night his only disappointment was that it concentrated only on the Jewish, not on the million or so others that also were killed ie polish prisoners of war, the disabled, the homosexuals etc. He came back with a different level of compassion and that was great. Previously he showed no empathy.
Melinda was mentioned in the school newsletter this week. She is in the badminton team and now they have won their way to state competition. Very funny as she had never played badminton before she tried out for the team. I am looking forward to getting her involved in the sport as I loved badminton and want to play again myself. Just need to wait until her ankle has healed a bit more after spraining it last week.
OK, on to a busy day. I am keen to get into this supermarket stuff so I can finish it off. Its time for closure.

New week!

Well, today is the start of a new week. I have lots to do. Just finishing up the supermarket work which I will finish by the end of the week. I am so sick of having all the shit in my house (I have the entire contents of a 4 drawer filing cabinet stacked in my lounge). I also have a fair bit of work to do for the accounting firm, not to mention housework.
De-nitted the kids last night.......again....it really sucks. For some reason, I get rid of them and do the right thing, treating the kids at least twice, and then we get them back after a month. I put it down to lazy parents who just don't even look at their kids hair. They are the grossest things....and take so long to get the eggs out, so I am so pissed off that we got them yet again. Bloody lazy parents should put themselves in my shoes. Trying to pin Stef down for an hour to fine tooth comb her hair is just like trying to dress an octopus let alone the fact she hates getting her hair brushed in the first place.
I cut Jacks hair last night.....a whole 2 inches came off. He has great hair and its so easy to cut so it looks good. Put a bit of beach hair stuff in it and it will look great. I need to cut Brents too later in the week. He has really thick hair which grows so fast. at least he keeps it clean now......for a while there, he wouldnt wash it from one week to the next......I used to have to dive bomb him in the shower and put the shampoo on so he had to wash it off. He really is starting to get the whole personal hygiene bit........finally!! lol. Now I just have to get him to sit down and scrub his face to get rid of the yukky blackheads then he will look quite reasonable.
Got my mother's maltese terrier with us at the moment...bloody little shit of a thing barked from about 3am onward. I could have killed it!! Spoilt little thing wanted to sleep inside which Steve will not allow....but it was cold. As soon as I let it inside when I got up, it curled up on the lounge floor and went to sleep.
Steve worked on building a deck around the spa over the weekend. He has done a great job!!It was so nice to jump in without having to get the dirt off the feet first and it will keep the spa a lot cleaner. I love my spa in fact I might get in shortly. I used to have a spa every morning and drink my coffee in there. It was a great way to get my head in gear for the day.
Anyway.....on to a new day and a new week. A week of finishing stuff!

Busy today....cleaning out the kitchen.....eww

Today I am making a concerted effort on cleaning my kitchen. It was always clean on the surface....but ewww underneath. The walls were gross, the ceiling still is. We have a huge problem with flies. We spray them, but unfortunately the crafty little buggers go up the ducted heating vents....and then when the coast is clear they all come back down again. The ceiling has all these little brown spots which I am gradually cleaning off. All the top cupboards had a greasy feeling and I just hate it. Not to mention the bloody plastics cupboard. How we can ever make it manageable is beyond me. Anyway, the kitchen is starting to look reasonable again....the cupboard doors are sparkling, the window is clean enough to look through for once and the curtains are on the line. Next is the dreaded pantry. Oh and then I might go look for a new oven.
We havent had an oven for a while now.......since Brent through a fork at Jack and missed hitting the oven door. It shattered like a windscreen.....glass everywhere not to mention a bloody pissed off mother. I love to cook and not having an oven has been awful. Time to get a new one and maybe a new cooktop while we are at it. Steve has been homebrewing and bent the wire bit on the top......and one of the burners isnt working either.
Had my brother Allan, Lyn and Jacinta over last night. We had bread and dips (I just love different dips), pizza and a birthday cake. Stef made a big effort to sing happy birthday to him and he was absolutely rapt and had tears in his eyes. It really was such a huge achievement for her. It was good to just kick back with family, relax and just be me. Not worry about what Stef is up to and enjoy a few drinks. Usually when we are out, one of us is constantly on the edge, keeping an eye on what Stef is getting into.
Tonight is roast night......mmmm, roast lamb yummo.

Catching up!

Slowly but surely I am catching up on my life lol. Can you believe that yesterday I spent a whole hour cleaning the smallest room in the house. It was so gross! I put a layer of bicarb on the floor to soak up the smell. Boys always miss, expecially my boys.
I still have about 8 hours of work to do for the supermarket. I will be so glad to finish it. Life will become simple again after that is over so today I will be working like crazy to get it done.
The kids are starting to get used to me being home again. Melinda sprained her ankle at school on Tuesday and immediately I was rung to pick her up. I think it is just a sprain, but if she wont put the foot to the ground today I will take her to the doctor.
Today I have promised myself an hour.......maybe go for a swim. I love swimming. I find it very relaxing to do laps. Not that I am very fit at the moment so doing laps may be a little difficult, but I need to start getting fit.
I have 2 more days left of smoking. Its my dad's anniversary on Saturday so I am planning to give up then in his memory. Its time and I know I will feel so much better for it. Also helps that the stress is off right now. I still miss my dad a lot. I miss having him as a sounding board. He didnt judge and never broke my confidence. I miss that a lot. I guess thats one of the reasons I never told the family how sick he really was in his last year. I knew he ws dying, and asked him about it and although he was evasive he couldnt lie to me. He didnt want to be treated as if he was incapable and didnt want the sympathy. He just wanted to live life for as long as he could. I respected that. Its pleasing that Mum has rebuilt her life and is doing so well. Its been a tough week for her. She lost one good friend...someone who has been in her life for 40 years through girl guides, and then on the eve of the funeral, lost another good friend from that same circle....Oh it must be so tough getting old and losing good friends. Last night I felt like crawling through the phone to give her a big hug. I could hear the hurt in her voice and she really needed to talk but she didnt want to burden me either.
Today I am going to buy a pair of good runners. I want to go for a hit of badminton. I havent played for 15 years, but I really think I could get back into it. I may even encourage Melinda to play. She has great hand eye coordination and plays on her school team. Its something we can get involved with together. I really need to get active and as I dont like gyms much or exercising for the sake of it, I need to get into things like badminton. Hmm, just hope my knees and ankles will stand up to the test.
Always something to do.....

Life on the change!

Well, first off, my mammogram results. I have lumpy bits..all benign, but there were more of them this time and far more dense. The beauty about going to the Freemasons for my checks is that I get it all done in one day. I had 6 mammograms all up.. The whole waiting room of women were starting to panic when I was called in yet again for yet another lot. You could see the sympathy in their faces when I came back into the room. The woman next to me started to talk. She had lumps too and was totally panicking and she couldnt believe how calm I was about it all. I went through all the emotion of it last year, so I was pinning my hopes that it was the same this year, and it was. I had the ultrasound and everything was benign. I saw the surgeon the same day and he said I need to come back religiously next year as the lumps he feels are caused by sports knocks and there is a possibility of one of them turning cancerous later. Fingers crossed that it never happens.
Ok, second life changing revalation... I am quitting my new job. My resignation is sitting on my desk, waiting for the dragon lady maternity leave girl to see on Tuesday morning. It really is her own fault. She threw me in the deepend with so little training and basically lied to me about how busy and high pressured the job really is. I really don't want a job that leaves me so empty of energy that I cant function at home. My kids have been missing out, not to mention the extra workload on Steve. The money is good, but it isnt everything and doesnt even come close to paying for my kids happiness or Steve's happiness. Who knows what the future brings, but it certainly isnt in a high pressured job.
Yesterday I did absolutely no work. I slept for hours, watched a movie or two, cooked a yummy tea for my family and just nurtured my soul. It was pure bliss. Steve even commented that I was smiling again. Its time to make my life much more simple again..spending good times with my kids, having the relationship with steve where I have the energy to nurture him to for the special person he really is. I realised to that I havent done any of the things that I really like doing..... like sewing, knitting, jewelery making, cooking.......for so long now. These are things that make me happy and I just havent had time for so long to do any of it.
Now I have made the decision, a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders......now to find something better. Its out there!

Getting through it all.....

Gradually, slowly but surely I am getting through it all. I still have a lot to do, but it is happening. I am so busy at work that I just don't know how I am going to get through it all. Last fortnight I did 76 hours...so that is full time. I also did 14 hours with the accounting firm and 20+ with the supermarket......scary thought that I did more than 100 hours of work in two weeks. Thank goodness I am getting paid for it all.
Today I have a day off.....going for a mammogram and ultrasound. Its all ok, just precautionary stuff. I have one every year now. I am a lumpy person....and they just like to keep an eye on things for me, especially as my grandmother had breast cancer around my age. I go to a clinic at the Freemasons hospital which is brilliant. You get the mammogram, and then if they see anything, straight to an ultrasound and then you see the doctor. In Geelong, its have the mammogram, wait 2 weeks to get in for an ultrasound and then wait again to see the doctor. I much prefer to have it all in one day....so much less stressful!
Stef is so happy at the moment and so affectionate. She had a day off school yesterday with teachers having a curriculum day. She spent the morning with Mum and Aunty Ree looked after her in the afternoon. She smiles so much at the moment and makes a good effort at talking. I cant help but think she is improving..I know, wishful thinking but one day it will happen. I really need to get over to pick up her computer but I need to give him a copy of the newspaper article for the club,, and I havent kept it. Will get a copy from the Geelong Addy. Im hoping by having a computer that is just hers, she will get a chance to learn how to type. I know there is more than meets the eye with Stef, its just a matter of tapping into her brain.
Brent has finished his exams which is great. I hope he has passed them all. He has to go to school tomorrow to resit a SAC for psychology. I know he doesnt like the subject much, but he has to commit to what he has started.
Steve is having a few days off. Yesterday he spent the day just going for a drive and having some alone time. I think alone time recharges the batteries. I really must schedule some in for me too. I just rush around like a mad thing, and dont take the time for me. Hopefully after I have finished this pile of work!!
In some ways I think that this job has way too many hours involved to be good for our family. I like the job, but really, I would prefer the 3 day a week job that I used to have. At least then I had the time to spend with the kids and to do any thing else I needed to do. I chase my tail constantly and it shows in how my mind is just not organised.

Stress!!

The stress of it all really got me on Sunday night...heart racing, the brain wouldnt stop thinking about it and I just felt awful. Hypnotherapy helped a lot and eventually I got to sleep, but really didnt have enough. I worked so much over the weekend, probably more than 20 hours. GRRR
Its all just way to hard right now, and I feel yuk.

Anyway, onward. Brent has exams this week...I hope he does all right. I don't think he quite gets how much work he needs to put in to pass. I got another email from a teacher last night, that Brent hasnt handed in work that he needs to to pass. It sucks to have to nag him all the time, but that is the price we pay for having teenagers in the house. I think I may have to ban the computer for a while until the work is done. Brent is a total computer adict and every spare moment he has, thats where he is.
Melinda had a good weekend...she went to a friend's birthday party and had a great time doing the girly teenage stuff. I sometimes feel that mj has a pretty tough life, but then, we all have our crosses to bear. I think she really is a wonderful young lady to deal with all that she does without too much input from us.
We have been given a computer for Stef by the Kiwanis Club....woohoo. My mum and dad have been members of this service club for years....like since I was little. After the newspaper story came out, Mum suggested to the club that perhaps they can help us and this is the culmination of that. I have spoken to the club before...maybe I can offer again to explain what it is truly like to live with autism. I just have to find time to pick the computer up.
Had a rainbow club committee meeting last night. It was ok. We are looking at going alone as we dont get very much from our association with the National Rainbow Club. We are the only club that stands alone financially, and I think the national club uses our money for its own purposes to prop up other clubs who dont fundraise as much as we do. I will get the books audited before the AGM....we dont have to, but I think it is a good idea simply to reassure all on the committee that they are correct. We are also shifting banks to make it easier for me to deposit. It is almost impossible to keep up to it as I have to get to the bank during work hours and I have to drive to get there.
I can't wait to get all my work done.....I have about 40 hours sitting in front of me at least. Bit by bit it will get done but my main focus needs to be on my new job, not my old one.
I am finally under 80kg woohoo.....15 kg to go!! I am now wearing size 12 in everything and even they are getting loose!! I get so many comments so it is really noticeable.
Anyway, on to a new day....I hope it goes smoothly!!

A lot of bookwork to do but nearly finished!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!! I stayed at work until nearly 9pm last night to catch up. Unfortunately when I started the work was piled up so I spent yesterday catching up. I can hardly wait until it is all under control so I can get into a better routine with it. I thrive on routine....knowing what needs to be done on a daily basis really helps me to concentrate on a higher level.....I just havent been in the position to be at that spot in this job. 1 more day catching up and I will be on top of it all.
I have about 30 hours of work sitting on my loungeroom floor tday. I cant wait for that to be finished either. And this morning I pick up about 10 more hours of work from a client with the accounting firm. Its gonna be a big week to get through it all. At least I can see the end.
This last couple of weeks have been difficult to say the least I have had huge commitments with work and with the kids...I havent put any time into me apart from meditation in the mornings and my writing. Writing is a release.....its a way for me to put it all into perspective and a time to plan out my time.
Life is flat out......and using my time the best I can is the only way I will get through it all.
On a good note, I lost about 1.8 kgs this week I think....will know today when I go to Jenny Craig. I am easily wearing a size 12 now (thats a US size 8) and my jeans are actually getting loose...woohooo. 15 kg to go. Losing the weight has certainly changed my self esteem a lot. Its great to walk into any shop and know that I can buy....previously I would go into a shop and ask if there were any sizes big enough. Im still 80kg, so still too heavy, but a lot of people are saying I dont need to lose any more....BOOhoo to them....the doctor says it will be better for me to be in the middle of my healthy weight range...less risk of diabetes that way and having had gestational diabetes, my risk level is high enough. My blood sugar levels have gone down from a fasting level of nearly 9 to a nice 5.3 as of yesterday.With a bit more weight off it should come down even more...I am so pleased. The doctor said it was likely that I would have been an insulin dependent diabetic within 2 years...now that isnt likely at all ever...as long as I can keep the weight off. Thats the reason I have signed up to Jenny Craig for the next 7 years... I can't afford to put the weight back on.
Busy morning ahead....got Jenny craig at 8, buy school jumper for Brent, drop the school holiday program booking into the council offices, drop the cash box off to Rainbow club, Pick up the work from the client and set up a meeting for later in the month, come home here and pick up Steve and the kids to go shopping for birthday presents and computer games for Jack and food, to Rainbow club at 2 for swimming and work as treasurer there, and then drop Melinda to Leopold for a birthday party......No rest for the wicked hey!! Not to mention keeping the washing machine running and tidy the house a bit lol...and give Stef her laxatives after swimming....I must not forget!!
I really must write it all in my diary....so I dont forget a bloody thing. If it isnt written down it just doesnt get done.....my memory is stuffed!! Its an ADHD thing....sometimes I feel as if I am just so stupid, but after being diagnosed, I realise that its just the way my mind works at a million miles an hour and just jumps from thing to thing. Some benefits to it though is boundless energy. I find it is worse now that I have lost the weight too....I just seem to have this huge amount of energy. At work, about every 2 hours, I have to get up and walk for a about 5 minutes to get rid of the really strong jittery feeling....the feeling that I just have to move all the time. My legs shake and my muscles just get twitchy and I find I am constantly moving them. In some ways getting a diagnosis was great because at least now I know my own personality trait enough to be able to harness it for good, and not waste as much time with perfectionism and changing constantly between jobs. I certainly am not as restless.

Stepping up to the plate

I had a huge discussion with my new boss...basically set the ground rules of what I will not put up with as a person and showed him a loyalty as an employee that he has really taken on board. How many other employees would be working at 4am, to make sure stuff got done for end of month? He also found out that I do really care about it, and my fellow employees. He said its the first time ever, that he has seen a time when people come into my office, just to say hello when they come and that there is a real friendliness in the office...a feeling of family and team.
I have decided, that I really want to step up a notch in my career. I am going to do my Real Estate Licence and then my CPA. I phoned the accounting firm that I work for as well and spoke to one of the senior partners about it. He said that they will provide a sponsor for me and if there is anything they could do for me as a company, I just needed to ask and that there is a library that I can use. Apparently my newspaper story last week has made them feel very proud as a company to be involved with our family and its journey. At the end of the phonecall, I just felt so loved and appreciated as a person that I had tears in my eyes. It shocks me sometimes to feel the respect that other people have for me, the respect they have for my positive nature and my work ethic. It was probably what I needed to hear as it gave me a much needed boost to the ego at a time when I was feeling pretty inadequate.
The supermarket stuff is almost done, probably about 20 hours more work to do with it.....at least the staff super has been paid lol after much argument with the ex boss and a threat that I would be the first to ring the tax department and that it was a criminal offence now if he didnt. I have a list a mile long of bookwork I need to do, but by the same token, my number one priority is with my new job first.

The kids are all ok. Having a few issues with Brent and his attitude in English, and not doing enough work to pass his SACS.....Steve gave him a bit of a talking to yesterday morning, and the teachers email me to let me know what is happening. At least I have the teachers emailing me now as they know we can help in our own way.

Stef had a good week. Needs a good dose of laxatives this weekend though.

I had a meeting with Jack's teacher early yesterday morning. His new teacher is lovely thank goodness and she really is getting where he is at. It was good to meet finally. (his old teacher went on Maternity leave at the end of last term and I was so releaved as she constantly treated him like a naughty child and had no true understanding of his disabilities). I really think being active in the school helps a lot...being on school council means I know the teachers, and the resources available, and of course have no hesitation in talking to the principal. It means doors are open without formality. Jack is so funny sometimes. His shoes were absolutely stuffed but he didnt tell me how stuffed. Driving him to school on Tuesday, I noticed that the soul had come off his shoes, OMG Jack you didnt tell me they were that bad so at lunch I had to go and buy him some new ones. Steve bought him new tracky pants yesterday....kid spends most of his time crawling around the playground and every single pair of his pants had holey knees lol, always stuff to buy!
Respite care is booked for the month....12th and 26th. On the 26th I have a EOFYS function with the accounting firm. I think it will be really good. They are a great bunch to work for. LOL< with 3 employers, I really have a lot of good work mates.
Anyway, onward......time to get everyone organised and some washing done before work.

Stressed out and tired

Things are not going brilliantly in my new job. Made a few mistakes in the last couple of days...some of which the boss was really pissed about. The previous girl was working full time, Im only 4 days a week and yet I am expected to do the same amount as she did and in one of the busiest times ever. I am stressed all the time, trying to get stuff done. I woke up at 2am, Heart racing and just feeling like crap. I wonder if I am truly cut out for this shit.
I also feel as if I am not putting enough time and energy into the kids, into Steve and into living.....Stop the bus, I want to get off.
And to steve..this has nothing to do with the supermarket stuff, its purely the new job and the amount of work on there and the speed at which I am expected to do everything, expectations and just plain everything. Its a struggle.

Jack of all trades master of none.

At the moment I am feeling stretched like a rubber band about to break. I really need to get my life back into some sort of order. Even when I want to sleep I just cant, and then fall asleep at 8pm or 9pm. It sucks. So glad I am nearly finished the supermarket stuff and then I need to reset the body clock so that I can sleep more.
The new job is stressful at times, and I really need to concentrate on just it to get all I need to done. Yesterday the computers were out, and it just sucked especially as its end of month and the work is piled high. This morning I got up at 4to get some of the crap ready for end of month. Its pretty full on, probably more so than any job I have had before, but the boss is good, and I am beginning to understand everything. Its kindof scary when he says...right now, you are 2IC..the reigns of the company are in your hands and I need you to steer the ship. I really need to step out of my comfort zone and communicate a hell of a lot more with him and demand more of those bloody agents. They can be so slack, especially chasing deposits. grr.
Yesterday I forgot to tell Marie that Brent wasnt at school and so Jack would need to be picked up. Poor kid sat in the office at school until 4.30. I also didnt have her mobile number in my phone to call her to tell her. Mummy stuffed up bad. Jack was ok with it though and the girls in the office were so good about it. Sometimes I feel as if I am such a bad mother. But really I have to forgive myself a little....my plate is pretty damned full and my cup is pretty damned empty.
Today I pray for the strength to live up to my committments, to give my all and to get shitloads done.
I want my life back.