Busy week ahead!

I have a huge week ahead Have to go to work today...I hate not having everything up to date and totally organised. Today I plan to get the superannuation stuff completely up to date.
The house needs a bit of work after being left in the hands of two teenagers...tyhey just dont put a dish even on the bench, let alone in the dishwasher. I also need to finish off my vision board...
We have had two elderly family friends pass away. Steve's next door neighbour from where he grew up passed away from a heart attack but also had alzheimers. My next door neighbour from when we first came to geelong also passed away from Breast cancer. I could be a professional funeral goer, but alas, I can't spare the time from work this week so unless they are on Friday, I just can't go. I hate funerals anyway.
I have PSG meetings this week too....Stephanies one will be a little difficult. I really need to impress on the school that Stephanie is far more capable than they think and she needs to be expected to be able to do things. It frustrates me how they treat her as a baby instead of as a young woman. I am gathering all the work that she did last year and some video of her doing things at home.
Anyway, on with the week....

Weekend!

We had a good one....not without some issues, but hey, thats expected with an autistic child like Stef.
Stef has a huge phobia of public toilets......you cannot get her in one for love nor money, not even chocolate! Anyways, we got to the motel room after our 4 hour drive, got ready to go to the festival, and thinking it would be a while before she could go, asked her to go to the toilet in the motel room. Do you think we could get her in there........NO WAY! I ended up putting a nappy on her (which she hates) and off we went. The festival was good fun...the music this year was an Elvis impersonator, (not particularly my cup of tea) and then Hot Pink..she was good. Stef totally enjoyed that bit..moshing away....she really loves music, and likes Pink as I have her albums. We got back to the hotel room, put a new nappy on her and put her to bed, we didnt even try to get her in the toilet. When we got up and was close to getting ready to leave.....she just marched in and went...woohoo, the fact that she overcame her fear was just awesome. We think she also went in there in the night as she was dry when she got up. Sometimes we just cant think why these things terrify her so much. We know that something happened at school one day, as her behaviour completely changed over night. Maybe she was locked in one.....hopefully nothing more than that, but without a voice, how can she ever tell us what went on.
We also picked up a heap of our stuff from our friends' place. Someone bought our huge old van which was stored down there..and the entire contents was emptied into their garage. A full trailer load of stuff, and still we left things down there that just didnt fit. We will buy a new van for next year's holidays. Oh and we had a blowout on the trailer on the way home......um more like a catestrophic failure of an extremely old worn out tyre.
Got home around 5, and Ive made a batch of biscuits for school lunches and a quiche for Steve and my lunches...gotta love our chookies!!!

Such a busy day yesterday

I was so busy at work yesterday...didnt get it all done which was disappointing but I knew that was the case anyway. Going in today to finish and catch up. I hate leaving unfinished business and mess. I really am a perfectionist in disguise.
I have a huge amount of washing to get done. Trying to put myself in a better position for next week than I was this week. This week was crazy....constantly having to check that the kids had clean clothes to wear the next day. Total chaos rules.
This weekend we have to go down to Heywood...to pick up the contents of our caravan from a friends' shed and there is a festival down there. Wood Wine and Roses. We went last year, but it was in better circumstances as this friends marriage has crumbled since. Stef will love the music and I'll have a couple of wines and relax anyway.
Its so nice to not have any ongoing commitments on weekends now. Means that we relax as a family more and more likely to do stuff on a Sunday together.
Im really getting on to an organisation site now, cozicentral.com.......its great. It has a calendar which I can assign to each member of the family, even able to put Brent's schoolwork tasks in so that I know what he should be up to by the end of each week. Oh and it has lists......so instead of writing it down, I just type it in and cross it off....perfect for the ADHD me. I just wish that I could use it as it is in the states...there it connects to the mobile....you can send the grocery list to your phone via sms.
Anyway, off to hang out my second load of washing for the morning....and its not even 6.30am.
JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING, JUST KEEP SWIMMING!!

Organisation!

OMG what I would give to be an organisational guru! Sometimes I am just hopeless, get over it!! I am so organised at work, its sickening....everything in its place, nothing left undone and so so organised. It's hard to believe I am the same person sometimes. I just wish I could transport that person into all the aspects of my life. I'm trying! I am finding a site cozicentral.com really useful. It gives me a great calender which I can put all the members of the family in and sends the weekly list to my email each week, to do lists, shopping lists etc. I am putting all Brent's SACs into it, so I am reminded where and what he should be doing.
Had a phonecall from Brent's school yesterday. They want an IQ assessment and specialists report so that we can get him computer access for exams. Ouch, thats difficult because he has not seen a doctor since 2001. After Stef was diagnosed, we found that the specialists really didnt have the answers, but were guessing. Stupid Psychologist said that what we were doing with Brent (we did the Sonrise program before it was a program) was going to give him major anxieties....well, he was so so wrong. We gradually exposed Brent to the things that used to give him anxieties more and more. Eventually he overcame them all. He is also very independent and able to catch public transport, be in crowds etc. But beauty is, Stef also was exposed to these things, and for a severely autistic child can cope with so much, like going to the Melbourne CBD, catching public transport, being in noisy places with lots of sensory inputs. She is a star. But hey, the doctors don't know everything about how the brain works. They make generalisations based on populations.....but every single autistic person is different...not one is the same, so don't generalise, do what is right for each person. the doctor is filling out the form for me as he remembers Brent (just) and will go by my recommendations and explanations of behaviours, muscle control etc. Hopefully it will be enough. Brent will fly in exams if he is allowed to type rather than handwrite. It takes so much concentration to write neatly that he really can't remember what he is writing and the next sentence. His writing is barely legible and any marker will struggle to understand it without decreasing his marks just for neatness. So unfair if this is the case as he is a highly articulate, clever boy if they can see past his prep level handwriting.
I have PSG meeting for Stef on Tuesday, so I am going through her past work from last year to work out what the best goals would be for her. Speech and speech facilitation will be a big one, as well as computer usage, personal hygiene etc. I am going into this one with very clear thoughts on how we can get the best possible outcome for her and will be pushing up the expectations of the school.
Getting the kids into a better routine of doing homework straight after school...even Brent is catching up. I do believe they are actually starting to get it.
Oh and I asked the boss for the time off I need for Spain...explained what I wanted to do....no dramas there...he thinks its great that I am planning to do something that is on my wishlist in life.
We had a huge conversation in lunch yesterday about the mundane shit that people complain about especially women at the school gate. Michael said something really interesting in that I just don't complain. I see complaining as a totally useless exercise.....it just doesnt help me or the kids. I'm also a very practical person.....change nothing and nothing changes is my motto....if I'm not happy, its really up to me to make the changes necessary. I also don't panic that much.
Anyway, on with my busy day....its going to be huge!

Work today!

A very busy couple of days at work this week. End of month and staff issues to sort out. The time will go quickly though.
Miracle of Miracles......all my kids did homework last night. Brent even did 3 hours of maths. I am so proud of him!!! I have banned computer use until 5pm for Jack, 7.30 for Brent and 6pm for Melinda. Homework is so difficult for these kids. Brent has it in his head that homework shouldnt exist..and that the teachers should just teach in class time. Sorry pal, you are now year 12...you need to do homework.
Was watching the devastating earthquake in NZ. I think I cried a bucket. Its just so awful. Dear friends lost their Brother in Law. It kindof makes me think though, you need to appreciate today and those around you, because who knows what tomorrow will bring.
Anyway, on with the day....lots to do..oh and Im cleaning up the front garden. Already its looking so much better!

Vison boards, quitting a job and the way we put ourselves out for our kids!

I am making an awesome vision board! I went to spotlight yesterday..bought some bright green paint, some wooden carved words which I will paint today..I already had a huge canvas, so I have painted the background....Now its to finding pictures of things I envision for myself....I can't wait to have this on my wall to remind myself whats really important in life. Last time I made a vision board.....everything on it came true...yes, not by some miracle, but by reminding myself of what I wanted all the time, I worked towards it.
Yesterday I threw in one of my jobs.....its a relief!! I know I am far more content and organised only working 2 days a week....and it shows in the kids especially when I am stressed. Too, it gives me a lot more time for the truly creative side of my personality. I am one of the strange people who are both left and right brained..analytical and yet creative. I feel at odds with myself when I dont get the chance to indulge the creative side, it almost feels as if something is totally missing in my life.
Today, Melinda went off to school so happy. She paid me the ultimate compliment as a mum.....YOU ARE EPIC! They are having their school swimming sports today...and she was dressing up as Emma out of one of the animes she watches. We went op shopping on Saturday and found a few things, but was missing a vest and a bow. I drew up a pattern last night, and this morning made it out of a shirt we bought from the op-shop. I also made the bow this morning.....just as well I am a morning person as I was up by 4am. Also decorated the muffins that she made last night. She went off happily with her hair done beautifully (for once), dressed up in her costume with her great looking muffins.......a happy girl.
Oh and we sold our old caravan.....someone drove past it yesterday where we store it, went in and offered to buy it. The van is about 45 years old....a bloody heavy huge old thing and was just about stuffed inside. Anyway, the guy who bought it does them up...apparently she was a rare old thing. Steve is very relieved about getting a good price for it, cash in hand.....as we were planning on getting rid of it in the next year or so anyway. It was so heavy to tow. Now looking for something smaller.
Oh and I will have to get on to gtting my passport.....aiming to get to Spain in May with Steve. He is going on a conference, and Spain has always been on my bucket list. Fingers crossed I make it.
Oh and the electrician is coming to hopefully fix our spa today. Oh I miss that thing...I can't wait til its fixed!!

Bucket lists, dreams and goals!

I have been drifting along for a while now....I realise its because my goals dreams and bucket lists really arent relevant to what I really want in life right now. Also that Im not feeling particularly creative. I think the biggest cause is the chaos that reigns supreme here. Im reactive rather than proactive. So my first task is to work like crazy around the house to get it into top shape...to a place where I am happy. Hey its not that bad...the floors are pretty clean, just that every other surface has clutter....like the odd socks that accumulate.....oh and there is always yukky washing in the laundry. The next two weeks I am going to chose a hotspot each day and gradually clean them off. The next thing after that is to make a list of the changes I want to make...ie get rid of the furniture that I hate and perhaps look through op shops....maybe I can find new stuff without huge expense.
After spending time at a friends place helping out yesterday...Yes, I did go to the working bee....I realise that sometimes I just have to put myself out for other people....Its good for my soul to do things for others. So....I couldnt ask for help myself, but nor can I begrudge other people for having the guts to do so. I know I can do it for myself because I break tasks down to 15 minute blocks...and gradually they get done. Another thing I realised yesterday is just how hard and effectively I have fought for my kids. We have achieved what others have not, and I fight like mad at every injustice.
Anyway, time for a new week...a pretty busy one...school council meeting tonight, meetings at barwon valley school, work of course will be flat out as its end of month already but most of all, creating a peaceful home for my beautiful husband and kids.
When Steve is away, I just feel the place falls apart...he is always doing little things to keep me up to date..the odd load of washing, clean up of the kitchen, adjudication in kids arguments, computer guru. He really is wonderful! I really appreciate everything that he does and know he helps whenever he can. I definitely made a good choice!~!

Legacies from childhood -good and bad

I realised yesterday, one of the huge legacies I had from childhood is my independent streak. I never ask for help...I just can't and even when help is given, I really don't know how to be gracious about accepting it.
My realisation came about when a friend organised a "secret" working bee at her house...for herself. Thinking it was a friend who organised it as she is going through a hard time, I put my hand up. In some ways though, now I have found out that she organised it for herself I changed my mind. I'd have to be half dead and totally helpless to ask for my friends to do that for me. Hey we could all do with a hand occasionally, especially with special needs kids, but to come out and ask for it...no.
I even find it hard to go to the charities for respite care...even though the government gives them the money to provide it....I really need to start changing my thinking. Stef needs all the help she can get!!

Feeling a bit rushed at the moment!

Life is just so busy right now. Slow down the bus, I feel motion sick. Its always busy in this house....keeping up to 4 kids is pretty busy, but throw in the autism factor and honestly it can get crazy here.
Melinda's school shoes broke.....and do you think I could get a pair her size close by...no, I have to go into town for them. It sucks that the shoes are just fine, except for the stupid buckle.
Of course I always have washing and dishes to do...have a 5 foot high pile to fold and 4 loads to hang out this morning before work..and two loads of dishes to go through the dishwasher......all before 8am.
This evening I have two meetings..both at the same time, both compulsary.....one for Brent on planning and homework for year 12....and the other is for Jack regarding Netbook lease. Might ring up the primary school and arrange an alternative for that one. Its easier as I know the teacher running it, and the school knows me well enough to understand my time pressures.
Work is very busy...time flies so fast, but thats a good thing. Always a lot to do to keep up.
Anyway, on to the next load of washing......I just need to catch up, just a little. I think its a bit tougher when Steve is not home...even just the dishes occasionally is enough to help me keep up. When he is away, its all up to me.

Plans for the day..

Work today! I love it, and look forward to going to work each week. I think I have finally struck a work/life balance that suits us. Two days gives me the social contact, the mind challenge and the money for extras. Any more becomes too stressful to keep up.
Already done 1 load of washing, one load currently washing and kitchen cleaned up. Just waking up the very tired kids. We went swimming after school, which wore them out. Stef always sleeps like a bomb after swimming. She spends the whole time in the deep end, and rarely touches the sides. She treads water so well and floats around.
The chooks had an altercation with the cat over the back fence...lets just say, the chooks won. They all flew at it with claws out. Our cat has given up after being attacked by them....and now just sits in the yard with them.
Today I will take some pictures out of my office window. The view over the valley is just so peaceful.....its something I really appreciate...serenity and peace. It revives my soul.
Anyways, on with the day...time to get everybody moving.

Getting there!

Gradually getting the house under control again, room by room. Its hard to catch up after holidays in this place. I always have a lot of washing. Probably 4 times more than an average sort of family, so when we throw in a huge pile after being on holidays...it tips the balance over. It takes a fair bit to catch up.
Had to visit my mum yesterday...she thought that the weeds that have come up mysteriously in her garden was marjuana.....it wasnt. But it was good to catch up with my mum. I am going to try to get to see her at least once a week. Its one of my new years resolutions, to spend more time with my mum. She turned 79 last week....time is ticking and who knows what the future brings. The last thing I want is to regret not spending the time with her now. She is very fit and quite healthy, very active and very with it.
Steve is in China and I didnt hear from him yesterday except for one SMS...must be busy!
The kids are ok. Brent is being the usual teenage pain in the ass...won't go to bed, then won't get up in the morning...arguing about doing homework etc etc...not sure why he thinks that everything changes when dad isnt around and that he rules the roost.
Anyways, time to get moving...designed some clothes yesterday...now to draw up the patterns.

St Kilda Festival-out and about

We had a huge throw out of things on Saturday....2 garbage bins full from Stefs room. We threw out most of her baby toys, lots and lots of broken books and just crap from her room. It was so gross. Felt good though to finally have her room a little organised. Tomorrow I will go to the opshop and see if I can pick up a tv stand for her tv and dvd player.
Saturday night, we had respite care. We went out to Acland Street in St kilda and had a really nice meal. Melbourne really has so many great places to go to, lots of atmosphere and great food. Lots of talking which was wonderful and then went to the Esplanade hotel to catch some music. Its so nice to spend time together as a couple. We are the glue that keeps this family just ticking along and with all our troubles, the glue sometimes gets a bit stretched. Taking time out together makes the glue like concrete. Everything just seems so much easier when our relationship is right. We got home at 1am, and Steve was up at 5am to go to China. I was so hoping that he wasnt going, he really was so sick. The doctor gave him the ok on Friday to fly, so off he went. Doesnt stop me worrying about him though.
Yesterday I took the youngest three and Ronan (Jacks friend) to the St Kilda festival. We caught the train up from Lara, and then tram to St Kilda. It really amazes me how well Stef copes with public transport now. She gets on and off them like she has been doing it forever. I guess though she has been doing it forever or at least as long as she has been able to walk. All the journeys we have taken over the years has trained her. The crowds at the festival were huge.....lots of people, lots of noise and she coped with it all. The kids had a great time on jumping castles, slides and bungee trampolines. Stef was keen to have a go on a few things, but baulked once the reality set in. She wanted to go on this blow up shark slide....I finally convinced the guy to allow her to have a go, she got right to the steps, but then because the stair case was covered in, just couldnt quite overcome her fears. Poor kid, if only I could take those fears away. Then, she wanted a go at the bungee trampoline...alas, same thing happened. The guy there was so patient and kind with her.....we tried so hard to get her relaxed, but again, when he went to put the bungee cords on to her harness (we actually got the harness on), she just freaked. Pity....I think she would have loved it. Thems the breaks...maybe next time we will get that one step further. We still have to try though and keep on trying. Had I given up on her when we used to go to the pool, and she used to freak out, she never ever would have been able to swim. Now she swims like a fish...and its one thing she loves to do. We just have to keep trying.
Well, its Monday morning....lots to do. Washing, cleaning up, and then Im going to sit down and design this afternoon. I am going to make Stef some clothes, and some heat bags. I'm also going to work on some UFO's.unfinished business thats hanging over my head.

Throwing out time!

We have a mini skip arriving this morning...time for a damned good clean up and throw out!~So many big things to throw out that a trailer just wouldnt do it.
Steve is improving healthwise. Asthma really just sucks. I think it frightens me a bit more than it used to. After having a cold, and asthma and going downhill to the point of respiratory shutdown with in a couple of hours a few years ago scared me so much. Definitely giving up smoking again very soon.
Went to the funeral yesterday...very sad. It seems so unfair that she was such a beautiful girl...a good christian woman..never swore, rarely drank, never smoked...and yet she was taken when so many bastards remain alive. It just doesnt seem right somehow. It was the longest service I have ever been to...an hour and a half! So many spoke for her...her husband Tony and her daughter Jaqui, did amazing jobs..really amazing. She was just an amzing woman who never had a bad word about anyone.
Work was great. It was a difficult pay day, lots of changes and with the interuptions I was struggling a bit....but it got done. Thanks to Stevo for stepping in to help with the kids even though you were sick. You are awesome!
Anyway, on with getting some housework done before I have to get the kids up. Lots to do today.

A good boss!

It's amazing what a difference having a good boss makes. Yesterday I asked for time off today to go to the funeral of my friend..boss said, no worries, do what you need to do. Yes I know that I would never leave my job undone, that I would make up for it to get it done (like going in until 6pm last night), but its nice that they know that I will get it done regardless. Makes such a difference.
It was such a busy day at work yesterday..flat out and time just seemed to fly. I will go in early today as well so that I can get the pays pretty much done before I leave at 10.30.
I hate funerals, but I feel I need to go. When Jack asked why I would go to it, I said to let the family know that we care, to pay respects to the beautiful woman she was and to say goodbye. I think he gets it. He has more empathy than most kids with autism, certainly a lot more than Brent has. I still think he is far more ADHD than aspergers.
Steve is still sick with Asthma....he is supposed to be flying out to China on Monday, but really I don't think he is going to make it. It would be really unwise to travel the way he is. I guess a doctors visit on Friday will either say yes or no, but I wouldnt.
Kids are all settling into school well. Brent is working for once...woohoo. He gets it, he really gets it. Jack is happy with his teacher. Miss Olsten is a lovely lady who taught Stef last year. She gets the whole disability bit. Also having known her, it makes communication very easy and free. I think that is the true key...having enough of a relationship with teachers and aides to really have an easy conversation. It also means they will come to you quickly if there are problems. It makes a huge difference.
I've got so much to do at the moment, but you know, I am getting better at doing whats important first. The prioritisation of things has always been an issue for me, and then the following through. I really think I am improving in this.
Oh and I'm getting my bucketlist together....the things I really want to do. I really want to get to spain..Steve is going in May for work....maybe if I save heaps between now and then I may get there too....if not, I will save so we can both go.
Anyways, off to doing some washing and dishes before work.

Contemplation!

I lost a dear friend on Friday. A huge battle with breast cancer. Its sad, she leaves behind 3 beautiful girls and a devastated husband. She was always someone who was concerened about others. Always asked on the infrequent catch ups we had how I was coping and what was happening in my life. Anyway, the last catch up we had was a quick coffee when we ran into each other in November. Obviously she was struggling to breathe, but she brushed that aside. The thing that struck me most about our last conversation is that she said that for the first time, I actually accepted my lot in life and that I was making the most of the cards that I have been given. Alos was the realisation that I am not the one living with the disability, that is not my journey. My journey is to help them be the best that they can be..the rest of the journey is theirs to take.
On contemplation of this last conversation this week..I had the realisation that i really need to live my life...yes, I will be always looking at the differences between my life and those with "normal" kids, but ultimately I need to live my life not just struggle on and live for caring for my kids. Who knows how much time we have left...nothing is ever guaranteed hey, so I need to live with more intention. Doing the things that are important for me as well as deal with the issues that come my way. So now to find the things that are important for me....whats my bucketlist...what are my true goals and dreams. I know what my dreams for my kids are, but what are mine.

So far so good!

Had an email from Brent's aide yesterday. So far Brent seems pretty committed to doing well this year. I think its so important for the school to remain in contact with me about Brent. I have asked his aide to make sure all his teachers have my email address and to contact me with any concerns at any time. I have also asked for any due dates for assignments to be given to me so that I can make sure Brent gets them done.
Melinda had a good first day. Hopefully she will get more organised this year. She is so much like me...very disorganised mentally. I'm trying to give her the tools to get more organised that I use, but she won't listen. Like any teenager, she thinks she knows everything and that parents are idiots.
Stef went off happily again this morning. Her teacher is very impressed by her ability to follow instructions and her compliance. Its something that we have been working on so Im pretty pleased.
Jack....well, he's just Jack. I think it will be difficult to keep him at school...he is just not academic. He's smart enough, just his attention span is short, and his writing ability holds him back enormously. He is around 2 years behind his peers.
Well, as for me....I'm working 2 days a week. I just love it. I have come to the conclusion that two or even 3 days a week is enough for me to cope with. Its all the extra little things like having to get books for Brent yesterday, making sure I catch up to mum on a regular basis (after all, she is getting on a bit...79th birthday was on Sunday) and have a bit of time to me. Housework and washing is always a huge issue in this house. Our dishwasher runs at least twice a day, the washing machine 4-5 loads a day let alone all the other cleaning up. My kids are messy little pigs.
We lost our darling old dog on Australia day....it was very sad. Now I'm on the hunt for a new golden retriever pup. It will be lovely to have a new puppy in the house...I love watching the bonding process between the kids and the dog. It really is something special. Now its just to find the right temprement pup and then its the whole training process.
Our beautiful chickens are doing great. They really are very friendly little things and their eggs are just great. Nothing like fresh eggs from happy chooks. I also have to do a fair bit of gardening in the next months. Vegetable prices are going through the roof!~
So much to do, always on a limited time budget, but hey...I'd hate to be bored.

Its been a long time between posts!

Well, I cant believe that my last post was almost 2 1/2 months ago. So much has happened!
We had almost a month away, sitting on the beach and just enjoying life. It was great. We have such a crazy busy year ahead. Brent has just started his vce year. Amazing! I think he is really getting that this year is just a huge spring board to his future. He even did his school holiday homework!
Stef went off to Barwon Valley School happily. This year she is there full time. I can only hope they have higher expectations than they have in the past. She is capable of so much more.
Melinda started back at school today too. Its my first day home on my own again. I have so much to do.
The house looks like a bomb hit it, heaps of washing to do but I am taking time out to get my head back together. It just seems that in the last couple of months I have been running a rudderless boat. No goals, no dreams and no way forward. Time to start a new 100 day challenge I think!