Acceptance of myself!

I'm currently reading a book on ADHD.....initially for the purpose of helping Jack, but along the way I have realised just how ADHD I really am. It explains so much about me. Initially I questioned the diagnosis....how can I possibly be ADHD having achieved so much, and yet.....always having unfulfilled potential nags at the back of my mind. OMG>...this book has got into my very soul...I see myself, my lack of motivation at times and the extreme motivation at other times, my inability to organise myself, the unfinished projects and the neverending search for adrenaline all stems back to a simple thing called ADHD. It has been like baring my soul to the world....and has come like a total shock to my system.
This last couple of months has been incredibly difficult....I have been so overwhelmed, so unmotivated and totally adrenaline seeking. After reading this book, I realise it all stems back to a lack of dopamine in my system. I have had no deadlines or relatively few. Dopamine essentially controls the executive function sector of the brain...its what motivates "normal" people to do things in logical order..to seek organisation and to follow through to completion. The way stimulants such as ritalin work is to stimulate the production of dopamine in the system, adrenaline also stimulates dopamine production. Thats why when Im under deadlines, I usually pull my finger out....all of a sudden my dopamine levels are at normal levels. Its also why I have always been an adrenaline seeking missile.
This book has totally opened my eyes into my soul....into my motivations and how I function. It has been so scary, but cathartic.....at least I know why its all been so hard at times...
Anyway, onward with the tools that I need to use to get me through....turns out the Flylady philosophy is just perfect...never beating yourself up, keeping tasks short sweet but regular, rewarding myself for the small steps it takes..not getting overwhelmed with the big picture, but cutting it into smaller chunks.

Yesterday I had a job interview. Will find out today if I get the job. Its small, 12 hours a week doing payroll and hr functions for a popular winery. Hehe...staff discounts apply! I hope I get it as it fits right into the family stuff.