At the moment, I just feel flat. Tired, sick of fighting and just so disinterested in everything. It just sucks! I'm not sure whats going on. Maybe Im just a bit burnt out. Right now, I feel as if I could sleep forever and everything seems like a huge effort.
Im hoping that the change in whether lifts my spirits a bit and gives me a bit more energy. I got out in the garden yesterday and weeded my vegie garden. At least its a start. Im taking Stef today to get new seedlings and will get her to help me plant them. She gets really excited about gardening. She does a bit at school and really enjoys her time gardening.
Got a fair bit of work to complete this week. The accounting firm job is coming to an end I think and they want it up to date as soon as possible. Im probably about 15 hours from completing. I will do a lot today and probably tonight as Steve is heading off to Sydney. The sooner I get it finished the better....I need to tick it off the list to give me a sense of achievement.
Steve is travelling a fair bit, maybe thats a reason why Im feeling a bit flat..its hard when its all left up to me constantly and have little time to do the things that I like to do too. I think maybe that I need to enlist in some cooking classes or something just for me or get back into sewing a lot more. Just something thats purely for me.
I'm making a concerted effort not to drink much at the moment too. I just found that I was drinking too much during the week...not much, but I never want to rely on it as the only way to relax. It would be just too easy to fall into the trap of drinking everyday. Oh and I am on champix which is a drug to help me give up smoking. I have 10 days left of chuffing and then its finished. I want to get rid of yet another vice. I hate it, its expensive, it stinks and I want to be healthier. I find too that it increases my anxiety levels. I know that I will feel like crap for a while, but the long term I know I am a happier person when I dont smoke.
The kids are all sick with colds. Not major, just colds. At least I havent picked it up too.
Oh and last night I met my beautiful great nieces for the first time. It felt so good to hold them and bought back major memories of holding their mum so many years ago. One is very much like her dad....a total cheeky little imp with a huge smile. The other is more like her mum and in that sense, a bit more like a mini me. Sarah and I were always very alike. Both redheads I guess, and I used to spend so much time with her as a baby being just a teenager then with so much time to give. Oh how much I wish I could be so much closer to the girls so I could be the aunty to them that I was for their mum. I lavished Sas with so much affection as a littlie....sang songs, read books, took her to the park and she said yesterday, that she sings the same songs to the girls that I did with her. It bought a lump to my throat that she actually remembers.
Jack went on a fishing club trip with Grandad on the weekend. He had an absolute ball. There were other boys his age there and they kicked the footy and had so much fun together. For a kid with autism he really is able to make friends so easily. Its why I question the aspergers label ...I think he really is just ADHD and doesnt have that many autism traits at all.
Anyway, on with a new day.....Stef is already up and in the bath. I really need to do so much today but especially need to get her out of the house for a while. She is starting to go stir crazy being the second week of school holidays. The lack of structure adds to her stress.
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