Peace at last!

This last month has been so tough mentally for me. I'm not really sure why....I know I am my own worst enemy at times. I beat myself up unmercifully and I know most of the time its pretty unwarranted.
Things are starting to go right again though. I have finished the supermarket shit and have handed the files over. What a relief! HAHA, tax man will catch up to him though. He is being audited for his super payments.
I have a bit of catching up to do for the accounting firm, but will take about 10 hours this week.
There was a good job for me advertised this week.....a small part timer doing payroll for a winery. I just want a regular job, with little stress and hours according to my kids needs. Not too much to ask the universe for..Hopefully I will get it!
Anyone who truly knows me knows I have an extremely wild impulsive side...I dont let her out of the box very often anymore, but boy when I do.......hhehe....watch out world. Her name is Jay..she is the partyanimal in me. The day after I generallly feel totally at peace as if I am a whole person again.....sometimes my serious side just takes over and I feel part of my soul dying with the drudgery........that has been this month. My wild side came out last night (not saying how) and today I feel this overwhelming peacefulness and positiveness. Its so nice to have a partner in crime who loves the wild child in me and accepts Jay as a valuable jewell that she really is. She is the balancer for all the other stuff I go through. At times the wild child takes over totally (hehe, like at a certain nieces wedding where I swam in the pool at 4am in an evening dress, and drove a golf kart around a certain golf course) or the time I ran down Bourke St naked at 3am (boyfriend of the time was on camera duty at the copshop) or serve sausage rolls at a party in a small country town topless and sometimes I cringe when I realise what I have done......but mostly I look back and say......gee that was so much FUN! Jay is a party starter, she steps out of the box as an exhibitionist and say.....stuff you all! The side of my nature few people know and those who do love her. Talk about dual personalities! She is simply Jay!
Ok, back to the serious side. We had our new oven installed Friday and Steve is busy making biscuits christening it. Honestly, he is so excited about having a new oven! Oh, and we got the powerpoint in Stefs room disabled. Damn child was plugging in power cords and chewing on the wire....one day it was all going to be a disaster (we have a safety switch, but there are no guarantees on how quickly they work). Now we just have to get a plumber to install the new stove!
Brent has asked me to spruice up his appearance.....clean up his skin and give him a good hair cut. I think he is interested in a girl at school somehow...awesome! Tuesday he went to the jail with school as part of his Legal Studies and it was such an eyeopener for him. Good to see that he sees the really shitty sides of incarceration. I think all kids should go through the jail at about year 10, maybe then some of them would think twice about the stupid things they do especially in cars. They had one young man talk to them about how he killed his best mate being stupid in a car and now was in jail. Brent said the visit was really good and he didnt realise how much fencing, razor wire and bars would be inside the jail or that the prisoners couldnt use the internet, but could earn computer privileges by working and behaviour. I think these kids need that eyeopener.
Melinda has got her computer back finally. Damned Macbooks....didnt know they had problems with frying the hard drive but apparently they do big time. Thank goodness the school has a service agreement in place. This time though it was a warranty claim.
Stef has a sore eye today. I think she poked it with scissors right in the outside corner of the eyelid...hmm, new hiding spot for scissors required. We need a huge safe to put everything in at the moment. 2 jars of coffee wasted this week already, not to mention how many biscuits, apples bananas and whatever else she has got her hands on. Someitmes it feels as if we are living in a prison!
Must take Jack to the doctor this week to get a new script for Ritalin......I hate how the scripts run out after 6 months for it. I kindof am avoiding going near the quacks at the moment. I am sure had I seen him last month he would have whacked me on antidepresents..its not what I want...I gain weight with them and feel just like a walking zombie who feels nothing. I much rather prefer the ups and downs. I know I am almost bipolar......my ups are hugely up, I work manically, and have a happy craziness.......my downs though are so far down that its a bit scary..I am getting better at pulling myself out of a downward spiral though...I can at least feel them happening now and pull them up beofe it gets to the black hole that is depression. At least now I make sure I can always see the light....somewhat dimly at times, but its always at least there and I work to get back towards the light. Im back to the light now....hehe...sometimes its just a matter of letting Jay out of her box to give me the less serious side of life, pity I cant let her out all the time. The world just couldnt put up with it!